


Hellweek, Day One

by The Raven Sennin (The_Raven_Sennin)



Series: Team Anko, Final Rev [2]
Category: Earthdawn, Naruto, One Piece, Other - Fandom
Genre: A Lot Like Canon, Action/Adventure, Except When It Isn't, Fantasy, MagiPunk, Near Full Rewrite, Ninjapunk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-19
Updated: 2017-08-16
Packaged: 2018-03-31 08:17:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 40,610
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3970681
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Raven_Sennin/pseuds/The%20Raven%20Sennin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A new day dawning<br/>Team Seven begins forming<br/>Konoha's future.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updated Aug 16, 2017

###  **Dreamtime.**

_And then it began again. Until it ended._

He watched as a man ran across a desert, a man with irons on each hip and determined steel in his eyes.

_A man in black flees across a desert. A gunslinger follows._

He saw a huge man bending the barrel of a gun up as the fat man aiming it sputtered. The little boy in glasses behind him clung to the large man's coat.

_A boy discovers the legacy that makes his family call him freak, and a whole society call him hero._

He saw himself, embracing his favourite Academy-sensei.

_Another saves his favorite teacher and earns his first brush with respect._

Another boy, maybe a little older, standing face to face with a curious looking-- was that a dragon?

_A young man tames and befriends what his people fear._

On and on they came, a young woman watching her fiance forced to manifest the monster within him--

_And then it began again. Until it ended._

A lone girl with a fantastic, magical weapon becoming a great peace keeper and gaining friends and allies... a teen boy facing a world ending calamity so often it became boring...

_And then it began again._

A man among men-- by his own definition, the only one that matters-- cursed to change genders with a splash of water... a woman with unspeakable magical powers, stumbling into world-saving adventures, again and again.

_Until it ended._

##  **1 Ho-bi, 1 MI: HELLWEEK, DAY ONE**

###  **0348 h. Outside the Uchiha Compound**

"Snake," Boar greeted her.

"Do we need a refresher course on manners, Shotaro?" Anko replied with a tone that was two parts sexy, one part dangerous and three parts crazy as she gave her masked colleague Scary Playful Look #23.

"No, Anko-sempai," Boar whimpered. Anko had to admit it was a bit of a thrill for someone that technically outranked her to call her sempai. Even with her recent promotion, Shotaro had more time in ANBU and as a jounin.

Anko's gaze slid over to the the young man a distance off, and she knew Shotaro followed it.

"He's up early," Anko noted, looking on as Sasuke went through a Yuukanaken kata. The Elegant Fist movements lacked the deadly graceful flow that normally characterized the common meditative style, and the Uchiha stopped partway through the Crane and Snake set and slammed his palm into a training post.

"We all wish," Boar said.

"Insomnia?" Anko asked.

"It's rare he goes a week without it," Boar confirmed with a sigh. "Interestingly, he has an aversion to medicinal intervention in this matter--"

"One of his caretakers after the massacre tried to get him hooked on alcohol as a kid to shut him up," Anko said, wincing. "He's hated drugs that affect the mind since."

"You're kidding me."

"Wish I was, but I just finished his file. Inuzuka Obu. Bastard's own dog turned him in."

"Our Kage feed the bastard to Tsume?"

"With some Nami parsley."

"Yum," Boar said, looking down at the lone Uchiha. "I've... you need a good pretext to give him company. He doesn't trust outright altruism. I had to approach him as one of his watchers. He'll trust past connections, though. Personal or clan based. There's a restaurant his mother used to take him to, Maehata. He went there and spent hours talking to the owner. I don't know there's many others he'd consider even that close."

Anko shook her head. "Damn it, Fugaku..." She managed a smile as the boy went over to where a thermos waited. "The tea...?"

"Most likely some of the green tea we got in from Chai no Kuni this week. He'll have a bit of miso and some onigiri when he goes in."

Anko nodded. "Food to face the day with."

Boar sighed. "Still leaves him running on fumes."

Anko frowned again, looking down at her would-be student.

##

###  **0400 h.** **Ayakawa Apartments, 194 Maruboshi Avenue**

"HA!" Naruto said, up in an instant. The kunai he had under his pillow was blocked easily by a grinning woman whose hair and skin was tinted a little more green than usual. "Sensei! The dye trap by the kitchen got you?"

"Yeah. Wasn't expecting it," Anko admitted, grabbing the boy's walrus like nightcap and tossing it on the bed. She ruffled his hair affectionately and smirked. "Will be next time. You're good at traps for your age. The concussive in your dresser nearly got me too."

"Keep it down up there!" The downstairs neighbour shouted, hitting the ceiling.

"Genin testing!" Anko shouted back.

"Oh," the neighbour replied. "Good luck, Uzumaki-kun! Carry on!"

"Thanks Sho-san!" Naruto shouted back. Then he grinned at his sensei. "The spring loaded one? Took me awhile to get used to it. Triggered it twice on my way to the bathroom one night."

"Good work. Get used to the traps, don't try and adjust them for your comfort."

The boy nodded excitedly, then frowned. "Oi, Sensei, why are you in my apartment at..."

"4 am," Anko supplied helpfully.

"Yeah, 4 am?" The boy blinked. "4 am! Sensei! Are we talking or sparring or... something?" he asked, putting on his best dangerous look.

"You're cute when you're being vicious. I have a special Hellweek instruction for you, Orange-minion! Listen carefully, and remember-- refusal is just another way to quit..."

"I never quit!" Naruto said firmly.

"Yeah," Anko said, after a moment. "I didn't think you would. Now, Naruto. One of the keys to Konoha's strength is that even our best individual fighters work well on teams. Think back to when the ANBU looked after you as a kid. Even Hound could work with a team, right?"

"Sure!" Naruto agreed. "In fact, he even complained once or twice when he was watching me and got called away for a solo mission! Said he'd rather have his friends around, even if he could handle it. Then one of his dogs asked if they were chopped liver, and Hound-sempai said yes, and then the one that talked told the big one to attack Hound, and the big guy-- Bull, that's his name-- settled down as if napping--"

"They do that a lot," Anko agreed. Geez, was that what Yuugao meant when she accused Anko of a 'digress-alanche'? "But, Naruto-- did Hound always /like/ who he was working with?"

Naruto furrowed his brow, and damn but did he get the same look Minato used to in deep thought. Except it looked like Kushina's imitation of her husband's thoughtful look, which made holding the laughter back even harder, because Naruto's look was an undeniably earnest one that looked like an imitation.

"No. I remember, he didn't like working with a few people... Bison. Hornet. He started out not liking Ape, but then they worked together a bit and were cool...well. Cooler. So yeah. He didn't always like who was on his team but he said he could usually respect them, and they usually respected him."

He'd caught himself that time. Anko smiled. "Usually?" she prompted.

Naruto got a small smile on his face. "Once, he was watching me, and got assigned to work with Red Panda, and he was really upset, and I asked him why and he said, 'we have no respect between us.' And then he got Ocelot to watch me and went off to speak to Shika's dad and the Hokage, and when he came back he said he didn't have to do that mission, but would need to take one over my birthday. Which sucked, cause he'd take me to Sushi-ya Genta. He has awesome udon. Sushi's good too."

Picturing a bowl of the sushi-ya's dish of thick noodles in a hearty miso broth with grilled toppings laid across it, Anko had to nod. "Yeah, Genta's come a long way. It was average, once upon a time..." Anko blinked and forced herself back on topic. "So, Hound-- who is Awesome, right?"

"Yeah, duh, Nee-sensei!"

She bopped him on the head. "And he thinks _respect_ is important, yes?"

"Hey, Nee-sensei, why the hell--"

She raised her hand and gave the snake grin.

"Pushing it, Naruto-kun!" came the voice from below. She had to wonder if Naruto realized his walls weren't really that thin and just how many of his neighbors would have stormed the place if her visit hadn't been... acceptable.

"Er, I mean, yes, Nee-sensei."

She nodded, allowing herself a small, true grin before growing serious. "Now, Naruto... accepting that you think she's Awesome (and I don't really disagree)... do you think Sakura respects you?"

Naruto frowned. "I... don't think she hates me, really."

"Not what I asked," Anko said.

"... I guess... it might look like she doesn't, yeah." Naruto grumbled.

"And respect is key for a team to work, yes? According to no one less than dear old Hound. And did Hound ever tell you how long he's been an active ninja? Mm?"

"Yeah, yeah. I respect the old perv's reputation," Naruto sighed.

"Well then... fufufufu... we'll just have to fix the respect issue. And here's how..."

Naruto's eyes went wide at his sensei's order.

##

###  **0410 h. Haruno Residence, 1312 Mito Way**

The pattern she flashed her chakra in instantly drew the attention of the older members of the Haruno household, as intended.

When Haruno Mebuki appeared, it was with a small smile and a raised eyebrow. "Snake."

While she was unmasked, Anko accepted the moniker this time. She was the one flashing interoperational recognition codes. "Death's Head Moth."

"Excuse my husband for sleeping in," Mebuki said, walking to the stove and grabbing the kettle. "Tea?"

"Please. Busy times in Keikoku no Tani?"

Mebuki gave her a wry smirk as she filled the kettle. "For both aspects of our lives. Families wanting their daughters to find good work here in Konoha, our Kusagakure allies needing help with some rather barbaric nukenin."

Anko nodded. "And is Sakura aware that there was more than one aspect to your visit to Ravine?"

Mebuki cocked one eyebrow at her. "We have never hidden Ne from Sakura. She may not be suited to serve as a Root, but she grew up... connected to it." The Haruno matriarch placed the kettle on the stove.

"Then, with all due respect Haruno-san... how the fuck does she have the gaps she has in her skills? I mean, accepting that she's not suited to Danzou-jii's methods..."

Mebuki sighed, pausing in her motion to grab a tin of tea. "Mitarashi-san... we were blessed with an intelligent child. Which means we were cursed with an intelligent child. I have a rather lovely white tea with a hint of apple and mulling spices...?"

Anko blinked. "Sounds good. And that relates to her fucked up ninja skills...?"

Preparing two tea balls, Mebuki drew two cups from a cupboard. "You ask why my daughter has not tapped more of her potential, why she has so many deficiencies that do not reflect her upbringing? I will tell you. Because using that marvelous intelligence, she has concluded she does not have that potential. Using that wonderful mind that our genetics somehow granted her, she's decided she is deficient as a ninja."

Anko frowned. "Have you tried... telling her otherwise?"

Mebuki gave her another wry look. "Anko-kun, intelligent does not mean free of error. My daughter is just as prone to digging in and drawing more tiles in support of a belief that is in error, simply because she thinks it is part of her identity. Speaking of which, she's waking up. Why don't you invite Uzumaki-kun in so I can be embarrassingly maternal to him, and we'll lull them into submission with good tea and harmless chatter?"

Anko slowly smiled. "I am introducing them to Gai today..."

"Sweet kami, Ibiki's mentioned a sadistic streak..." Mebuki murmured as the kettle whistled.

##

###  **0430 h. Streets of Konoha**

"Naruto? Oi, brat! You with us?"

Naruto blinked and smiled, hand going to the back of his neck. "Er, sorry, Nee-sensei. I was just... watching Konoha."

Anko's questioning look was rather thankfully like Iruka-sensei's "what are you thinking, Naruto?" look and not the "I knew I'd regret talking to the brat," look oh-so-many gave him. Which he was ignoring several people giving him right now as they walked down one of Konoha's pedestrian friendly streets.

"I... like watching Konoha wake up," he admitted.

Sakura slowly smiled at him. "You know, I think that's cool. Watching all Konoha's people wake up for their day?"

"Yeah, that's part of it," Naruto agreed. "But... I dunno. When I let myself watch Konoha, just watch the whole thing..."

Anko paused in her quick strides, and he and Sakura stopped with her. "Can you... try to describe it?"

Naruto pursed his lips, taking a moment. This was Important to him, and something he'd only articulated to Ayame-chan, Iruka-sensei, and Jii-jii. And even then, he'd felt like he hadn't quite got it right. Though Jii-jii-- the old Kage seemed to get it.

He took a look around at stores opening and civilians and nin alike starting their day. If they had even stopped it yet.

"When I sit back and just watch the whole thing... it's like Konoha has a pattern. And it's alive, and it changes, but it's there. It's moving and alive and growing. And all the people in it, me, you, Sakura, Sasuke, even Jii-jii... like we're all water and nutrients going through the Leaf's veins..."

He hadn't realized he'd closed his eyes until silence drove him to open them again. The looks they were giving him... he wasn't sure how to take them.

"What? What, I garden, okay?"

Anko slowly smiled at him. "I like that idea, Orange-minion."

##

###  **0500 h. Training Ground 35**

The training ground was a clearing in Konoha's emblematic forests. There were training posts, a small set of elevated bars, and some logs around the edge for sitting on.

"Gai-kun."

The fit man in green spandex turned and grinned at Anko. "Anko-koi! And these are the most Youthful genin you are training! Tenten, Neji, Rock Lee-- meet Naruto and Sakura!"

Anko didn't miss the forbidding glance Gai gave Neji as he introduced his team. Anko was grateful for it. She had no doubt Hiashi would understand her beating the Branch prodigy if he were to step out of line, but she'd prefer not having to do so. Too many in the clan's other Branch houses would be assholes about it, and she had a feeling her therapy no jutsu was not strong enough to extract the stick up the poor boy's ass. Maybe if Minato-nii were still alive to use the original, or Kushina and her Percussive version...

"Minions, this is Maito Gai and his team, Team 13 aka Team Gai aka Team Punishment."

"Team... Punishment...?" Sakura managed. "Ahahaha... uh... Sensei--"

"Team Seven will be joining us in our most Youthful morning exercises from now on!" Gai announced grandly, drowning Sakura's questions out. "A third member will be joining us soon enough, but for now... regrettably, we must cut back on some of our exercises to avoid squashing their Youthful flames! What would make sense to you in this case, Rock Lee?"

"Perhaps, Gai-sensei," "Gai Junior" mused, "... we shall spend a few days at the beginner level you set for us a year ago, and then see where Naruto and Sakura's general fitness places them?"

"Indeed!" Gai agreed. "Truly, Rock Lee, you are becoming a genius of Hard Work!"

"Oh, GAI-SENSEI!"

"ROCK LEE!"

When Anko noticed Sakura's hands rise she reached out to firmly put them down "Using the 'Kai' on the Sunset of Youth is like stealing my dango. In that we don't."

Sakura blinked. "R-right, Sensei."

Tenten sighed but gave an indulgent smile to her teammates and sensei. Neji just scowled.

Anko took in Naruto's wide eyed, obviously heartfelt face.

"He is going to train us like we've never been trained before, isn't he?" Naruto said, voice wavering.

"Yes, Naruto, he is," Anko confirmed.

Tears of joy streaming down his face, Naruto stumbled over to his sensei.

"You do the nicest things for us!"

"Nothing's too good for my minions," Anko assured him, returning the hug.

"Ecchi," a blushing Sakura chided with a smirk, noticing how Naruto's head was... ahem... framed. "So, Maito-sensei. What first, some stretches...?"

"Ah, Sakura-kun," Gai said in what for him was a serious manner. "Stretching, on its own, is actually of dubious merit as a warm up. Better to do gymnastics later, as we do, to get used to stretching in motion. No, we shall go straight to calisthenics! Are you familiar with the squat thrust exercise?"

Sakura gave the enthusiastic man a sad look. "I was told that even with perfect form, it was a risky exercise for me."

The green clad jounin blinked at her. "But, Sakura-kun... Anko has told me you have excellent chakra control! Surely you can just power through the initial discomfort by flushing your muscles with a Youthful infusion of chakra...?"

Sakura gave him a wary look. "I was told my chakra pool was too small for that."

Anko, patting Naruto on his head as she released him, gave Sakura a thoughtful look. "Pinkie... who exactly gave you this advice...?"

Sakura shrugged. "Mizuki-sensei."

Anko dodged the spit that flew as Naruto went from enraptured about training to utter disgust and rage in seconds. "You just fucking ignore anything that bastard told you, Sakura-chan! He wasn't a proper sensei, no way!"

Sakura blinked at this sudden shift in demeanor. "Er..."

"He tried to kill Iruka-san in front of Naruto," Anko said, voice flat and deadly.

Sakura's face instantly mirrored Naruto's rage. "Iruka-sensei? Iruka-sensei's the nicest teacher I've ever had! Why would anyone try to-- I thought they were friends!"

Naruto shook his head. "Iruka-sensei... was protecting me. Friends don't throw a fuma shuriken with killing intent at friends."

"... he tried to kill his own student...?" Sakura said darkly.

Naruto nodded.

"... there's a big story there, isn't there?" Tenten asked, not looking too pleased herself.

"If it includes 'Mizuki is a traitor' and doesn't involve death or our maximum security prison, I'm going to be rather put out," Sakura growled.

##

###  **Konoha Strict Correctional Facility**

"Prisoner Officer Godai!"

"Yes, Warden-sama!"

"I believe we have clarified that 'because he hurt our kids' was not a good enough reason to torment Prisoner Mizuki beyond the usual hazing, yes?"

"We have received and understood that message, Warden-sama, yes."

"Why then is Prisoner Mizuki suspended from the ceiling in the grub room over the center of the dining area with a sign on his chest saying 'Even I don't want to touch his arse' signed by Prisoner Bubba?"

"He was muttering how Orochimaru-sama would come for him, and so on, and so on."

"... I admire your restraint, and thank you for finding a way to bring this to my attention as soon as possible. T&I will be contacted."

"Yes, Warden-sama. Should we suspend the spinning torture until then?"

"My daughter just graduated Academy a year ago, Godai."

"Ah. I'll go make sure the gang doesn't use fresh loincloths to beat him."

##

###  **Training Ground 35**

Anko gave her student a rather cruel smile. "I'm sure he's enjoying his new accommodations, and getting many friendly visitors."

Rock Lee's grin turned mean. "I find traitors most un-Youthful myself, Sakura-chan."

"We're gonna get along fine," Sakura said. "Okay then. Take everything... Mizuki" (Naruto could practically hear her omit the 'sensei') "taught me and chuck it. Right. I understand basic chakra boosting. Can we review the form for the squat thrust, and you can correct me on my chakra use? Unless that's dangerous..."

Gai flashed the thumbs up. "That is the most Awesome and Youthful spirit, Sakura-kun! Chakra manipulation is something my Youthful Anko-koi can review with you if needed!"

Sakura raised a delicate eyebrow... though next to the brows of Maito Gai, almost any eyebrow was delicate. "'Your' Anko-koi?"

Anko's eyes grew smokey. "You'd better believe it, Pinkie..."

"Anko-koi," Gai said, snapping his fingers. "Happy time later. It is time for our most Youthful and Awesome instruction!"

"Ten ryou says they're distracted again in ten minutes," Tenten offered.

"No bet," Neji replied with a smirk.

"If you are done un-Youthfully teasing your sensei...?" Gai prompted.

"I... believe that will be ongoing, Sensei," Tenten mused.

"To stop would be un-Youthful," Neji deadpanned.

Gai shook his head, but he was smirking. "Lee!"

"Yes, Gai-sensei!" the young green clad genin said.

"Demonstrate form: Squat Thrust!"

"Yes, Gai-sensei! And if I can not help Sakura-chan and Naruto-kun understand and perfect their form, I shall run around Konoha on my hands until they do!"

"Oh, Rock Lee! Proceed, with all your Youth!"

Rock Lee flashed his sensei his own grin and thumbs up, and then turned to Anko's minions. "The squat thrust. Four count movement. You understand?"

"... each part, one, two, three, four," Naruto said slowly, nodding.

"Exactly. Zero point. Start standing, legs shoulder width apart." Lee waited until Sakura and Naruto matched his stance. "Good-- a little closer in, Naruto-- yes! You have it. Now, crouch down like so, one. On two, throw your feet back in a push-up position."

"Hi style," Sakura noted absently, almost unconsciously.

"Indeed," Rock Lee agreed. "Combining Uzu style push up posture with this exercise risks injury. Keep your back straight, arms braced to push, and your knees straight."

"Then three is a push up, right?" Naruto said eagerly.

"Yes, as part of that posture. Some consider that optional."

"We call them wimps," Tenten said, as she and Neji joined them. Neji gave a brief smirk at that.

"Un-Youthful," Lee agreed. "Now, on four, pull your legs back in and stand, like so." Lee completed the move. "Now, my tempo... Naruto, you may be able to match it, so match my count. Sakura... start matching Neji?" Lee suggested.

Gai nodded. "And then, once she has the hang of Youthfully infusing herself with chakra, she can speed up to match Tenten in Awesome fashion. After we are sure of your form, my Anko-koi's students, you will continue in this Awesome manner until I inform you each to stop. Understood?" At the answering nods, Gai grinned. "Naruto... because of your background, you are already infusing your body constantly. So following Anko's Youthful instructions, your goal is to become aware of it."

Naruto pouted. "Is this like that breathing course Suzume-sensei taught that Jii-jii made me take?"

"... we'll try to do this with less extraneous scrubbing of every body part and surface in sight," Anko assured him.

"Well... okay."

"Er... delicate question, Sensei..." Sakura said, blushing. "See, in academy, Hinata kinda... noticed certain motions... er, her chest area once..."

Anko slowly nodded. "I was an early bloomer too. Yes, if you end up needing athletic support in the bust, it will still shimmy on you. I have it build into my mesh shirt. There's plastrons too, in the better shops. "

Tenten sighed. "Sports bra here, and I'm not that busty. Still need it. The damn things are still vibrating."

"Though not anywhere near as painfully as a chest blow," Anko pointed out.

"Thank all our ancestors," Tenten agreed. "Oh, and this is one of those exercises that'll leave you with no lady like dignity."

Anko grinned. "So shelve it until the tea ceremony, Pinkie!"

"Right, no ladies on the drill field, gotcha," Sakura agreed with a blush.

"Gee, that stinks for you guys," Naruto said earnestly. "But... why was Hinata-chan the one to bring it up first?" He blinked as even Rock Lee gave him a bit of a puzzled look. "No, really!"

Sakura shook her head. "Don't... don't worry about it, Naruto. Let's train."

"Yay! Training!"

##

###  **0537 h. The Funky Streets of Kicking Konoha**

There were several nin who paused in walks, shunshin, and rooftop travel to gaze at the sight before them.

Hatake Kakashi.

No book in hand.

Walking up the road to the Academy like a condemned man.

Now, being nin of Konoha, there was no gloating or gossiping. After all, Konoha is the nice village, they wouldn't do that.

The reader is invited to contact the writer about a Banana plantation in Suna he's selling if they believe that.

##

###  **0540 h. Training Ground of the Awesome and Youthful**

Tenten blinked at Naruto. "Sakura... is Naruto a seal construct of some sort?"

"... I don't think so..." Sakura decided after some thought.

Naruto froze as he rose from his... even he'd lost count of how many rowing squats he'd done. "Oh, are we stopping? I was good for a few more."

"At least I am not the only one getting that un-Youthful look," Lee grumbled as he stopped as well. "Naruto! Next time, we must keep count, so we may compare as Gai-sensei and his Cool and Hip Rival Kakashi-sempai do!"

Naruto grinned. He was _enjoying_ group training, with a group like this. "Awesome! I'm pretty sure you beat me on the Uzu Pushups--"

"Ah, but Naruto-kouhai, we clearly tied on the jumping jacks, and you had a clear lead on the rowing squats!"

"Mm. Call it even for the day, one each?"

"Agreed, my Youthful Rival!" Lee turned to Neji. "Ah, but do not worry, Neji, you are still my Cool and Hip Rival!"

Neji's eyes went wide a moment... was that relief Naruto saw? But the Hyuuga winced before his face turned to his clan's classic neutral. Tenten just smiled indulgently and shook her head.

"This is a thing, I assume?" Sakura asked Anko.

"Such a big thing you wouldn't believe," Anko chuckled. "Kakashi-nii-san pretends he doesn't enjoy it, but they've been doing it for years."

Naruto blinked. Kakashi... part of him wanted to ask, but depending on how she knew him--

"Kakashi-nii-san helped raise Naruto when he was young," Anko said. Damn, could Nee-sensei read his mind? She might not be a Yamanaka, but she was that Awesome. "You remember him and his dogs, right Naruto?"

Naruto grinned. "And his stupid face."

Naruto went flying as Anko swatted him. When he looked up at his sensei, she was smirking back at him.

"He'd have made me skid," Naruto chided as he stood up and dusted himself off.

"Sounds like an... interesting guy," Sakura murmured.

Naruto shook his head. "No, Sakura. Gai's over there, though he is pretty interesting and Awesome."

Tenten groaned, burying her head in Anko's side. "You get warned about his sense of humour, but..."

Sakura smiled and nodded to the older girl. "Right. So you met Gai through your older brother, Anko-sensei?"

"Naw, we just happened to meet the same Awesome guy in different contexts. And Kakashi's not my brother by blood, I just knew him through someone special."

Sakura smiled. "Cool. Well, Sensei, I'll give you this... this is actually kinda fun. Run next, right?"

Anko nodded. "Remember, nice and steady supply of chakra to the legs, and if you're going to flush out the lactic acid--"

"Nice and easy, don't spike it," Sakura affirmed. She looked at Naruto. "Does Naruto have some version of what Lee has?"

"Ah, Sakura!" Gai said, coming over. "There are several factors contributing to how Naruto's body focuses chakra, but one of them is not Gate Anchor Syndrome, as Lee himself has. That is a rare condition, manifesting once or twice a generation, that means Lee can only youthfully channel his chakra internally. As you have no doubt seen, Naruto can in fact channel his chakra externally, though he does have trouble with certain skills."

"So there's a reason you were always flunking out on genjutsu training?" Sakura said, turning to Naruto.

Naruto gave her an embarrassed grin and rubbed the back of his neck. "Ah, Sakura-chan, there's a few good reasons for that..."

 _Including a giant nine tailed arsehole in my stomach,_ he groused silently.

"All of them of a personal nature, Pinkie. Naruto will tell you when he's ready," Anko said firmly. The gentle shoulder pat that accompanied the order softened things a bit, but Sakura nodded. Naruto sighed lightly. Kunai dodged.

"Fair enough," Sakura agreed. "Now, what's our course?"

Gai smiled and pointed. "We usually run at a Youthful jog from here to the village walls, and then lap the village a few times. We vary the pace of our run over the course of our laps, walking at certain points. This aids in building Awesome endurance, you understand. We end by taking a Youthful dash along Konoha's main road, past many of our home's most noted landmarks, until we return here. We do not count our laps, we merely do as many as we can before breakfast. It is now 540, we will run until 600 hours. We will keep pace with each other today. Neji, you are our pace runner."

"Yes, Sensei," the Hyuuga said flatly, and simply started to run.

He seemed annoyed by how quickly Sakura and Naruto fell in with the others. Naruto didn't like the look he was giving them, especially Sakura.

It was rather close to how Konohamaru's tutor had looked at him before he'd corrected the man's notions.

##

###  **0555 h. North Wall Road. You can still see Tobirama's face imprint on the wall from that one time he pissed off Mito. Sadly, the Konoha Historical Society sign marking it keeps "disappearing".**

"Naruto-kun and Sakura are training with my cousin's team?" Hinata wondered suddenly. Kurenai blinked at the seeming non-sequitur, then noticed the girl's active Byakugan.

"Are they coming this way?" Kurenai asked.

The Hyuuga nodded. "A few meters closer to the wall," she said, then blushed.

Knowing the young heiress as long as she had, Kurenai shot a quelling glare at Kiba when he noticed the blush and grinned, mouth opening. The Inuzuka pouted. "Morning run?" she asked.

"Pace running," Hinata agreed. "Neji's pacing them."

"A good idea," Kurenai said.

"Boring," Kiba opined.

"Sounding better by the moment," Kurenai added. Kiba groaned. Kurenai met Akamaru's gaze. The pup buried his face in his paws.

The white puppy was very intelligent, even for an Inuzuka hound.

"Such pace running is excellent endurance training, and a good chakra regulation exercise," Shino noted as Team Seven and Thirteen entered 'normal' sight at a light jog. "I would not object to taking the practice up, Sensei."

Kurenai smiled at the often detached boy. "I'll keep that in mind." They silently watched the group run past. Kurenai started a silent count in her head.

"Well, they've got a magically babelicious sensei, any-- OW!"

Kurenai shook her head as Kiba toppled over.

"Less than ten," Shino sighed.

Hinata deactivated her clan's gift and palmed her face. "What are we going to do with you...?"

"Oi! Sensei, she can't be allowed to throw a suntetsu at me!" Kiba groused, rubbing his forehead.

"I decide that," Kurenai said, glaring at him. "And you're damn lucky she didn't use the metal tipped one. Women are not objects, Kiba."

"What?" Kiba said. "I'm just a Konoha perv, showing--"

"Not even renting that one," Kurenai growled. "You had Suzume-san complaining when we picked up our D-ranks!"

Kiba smirked. "Barely rates a notice, honestly."

Kurenai's face locked down tighter than her Kage's tower in a village emergency. "You're catching Tora solo today."

Kiba's face fell so fast, gravity seemed to have doubled. Hmm, she'd have to work on that. "Oi, sensei--"

"And that includes Akamaru," his sensei added.

"Ha! He'd never--" Kiba blinked as his dog leapt into Hinata's arms and gave an apologetic whine. "Well, crap."

Ah, good, now his whole body slumped as if under a triple gravity seal.

"Is something wrong, Naruto?" Shino asked. Kurenai looked up to see the Uzumaki standing, eyes wide, staring at Hinata. The Hyuuga fidgeted.

The blond suddenly slapped his forehead. " _That's what you meant!_ "

"Yes, Naruto," Sakura called back, "that is what I meant. C'mon!"

Blushing, Naruto waved at them. "Sorry, I just noticed-- we were talking earlier, and something made sense suddenly and-- er, later!"

And he was off.

 _Note to self,_ Kurenai thought. _Ask Anko-chan what the hell that was about._

##

###  **0600 h. Ground 35. Gai's trained here since he was six.**

"Aw, I was good to run a lot longer..." Naruto groused, as they coasted to a stop at their appointed training ground.

"Idiot," Sakura panted... and then she blinked as Naruto dodged the punch she'd been aiming at him.

It hadn't been a real blow, like the ones she had to use to get a point through his thick head. She had intended a playful punch, like the light shoulder check Tenten had given her when she had flagged behind the others.

The really troubling part was the look that accompanied Naruto's blush. This wasn't his caught trickster look, or his aw shucks I missed that look. He looked... upset. Maybe a little hurt.

She reached out and this time patted his shoulder. At his weak smile, she smiled back. "Just remember, even Lee has to focus to use his chakra to keep going. And... you really seem to have a lot more than most of us."

"Indeed, Naruto. The Youthful Blossom of Konoha has a point," Gai said, laying an arm over Naruto's shoulders. It was amazing how gentle a man with that much evident strength could be.

"Youthful Blossom, I like that," Sakura murmured.

"It suits you," Gai said simply. "But, I would also note... such is Lee's Awesome dedication to training his body to suit his specialty, he barely needs to use chakra in such situations. Indeed, I need to remind him at times to keep the skill sharp, and in such cases I must give him a Youthful task that will force him to do so. A need that grows harder and harder to fill..."

Naruto met Sakura's eyes, and he looked thoughtful. "You and Lee have a lot in common."

Sakura blinked. She had found herself _liking_ Gai's protege, which indicated some common ground. But that Naruto noticed... "What do you mean, Naruto?"

The blond chewed on his lips a second, mulling the question over. "Well... look, he's got this goal. And he's been given the tools to reach it. He's got help, and support, and he's just going to keep going until he reaches it. And, well... look, if a certain bastard hadn't been picking and choosing who he taught what, you'd have outdone Ino on more than just academics. You'd have put in the work to edge her out on the physical, too. You've got the potential. If Mizuki hadn't lied to you about that... you'd have been way beyond what Gai and Anko-sensei taught us today, y'know?"

Sakura blinked, then smiled. Naruto had called her cute, and nice (even when he drove her not to be) and even smart many times... but this was the first time she felt assessed honestly as a person and not just the target of a one-sided crush. Where the hell had this perception-- which he'd have to have had the whole time to pull half the stunts he did-- where had it been in the Academy?

 _The same place your ability to use chakra to help your body work was, Dumbass,_ a familiar voice chided her from inside. And with a jolt, Sakura understood.

If her education had been compromised... how about Naruto's? How about Hinata-- or Ino? Or... any of the others? Were there people whose sensei's test had hit them right in a gaping hole in their knowledge? Ones who didn't have a convenient traitor to show their true stuff on?

"Thank you," she finally said. "You too. It's like you’re finally getting a chance to back up those big words."

"Indeed," Gai said, smiling at the two. "And you can both follow your Youthful sempai's example in one vital way."

Naruto's eyes practically sparkled ( _moisture in the eyes caused by an emotional response in the tear ducts_ part of her noted) and he started hopping up and down. "Really, Gai-sensei? Are you going to tell us a super awesome secret training method?" He stopped, and frowned. "Um. But only if it's not special for Lee, y'know. I mean, he works really hard...."

Gai gave a short chuckle. "Oh, Naruto. You are truly a Just and Caring soul. What I am about to tell you is something that yes, Lee is particularly good at... but it is also something we all can benefit from applying." Gai tapped Naruto's forehead. "Here, in your mind, in everyone's mind... is a Genius."

Naruto's eyes went wide. "Really? Me?"

Gai chuckled, patting the blond boy's shoulder. "Yes. Truly, my Youthful friend. I might deem you in particular a Genius of Traps and Tactics. You were out-running ANBU at times after a prank, Naruto, hiding successfully from our elite in their own village. Even taking their attention as an opportunity to prank some of them."

Naruto smiled that damn "I'm giving you nothing" smile, somehow charming and irritating all at once. "You can only prove roughly a quarter of those accusations."

Another chuckle. "Which proves my point," Gai said in mock conspiratorial tones.

Naruto gave a more... honest?... smile, then he turned to Sakura. "Oi, if I'm a Genius, then you're a Super Genius, Sakura!"

"Mm. We would do better to say Sakura is a different manner of genius," Gai said, tapping his chin.

"Some genius, not spotting myself getting sabotaged," Sakura muttered.

"Genius does not mean 'perfect and never making a mistake'." Gai said firmly. "In fact, for the greatest Genius, mistakes are vital. You were a child, he was your teacher. "

"So, Gai-sensei-- what is Sakura's Genius?"

Gai leaned over as if telling Naruto something just between the two of them, but was clearly speaking so Sakura could hear him. "From what Anko-koi says, she would be able to recall any of Iruka-kun's lectures-- if not verbatim, then at least the salient points. That itself is not Genius. That she can take the vital next step of seeing how that fits alongside what he told her in a lecture last week, or a random bit of news her father mentioned at the kitchen table... that is Genius. Sakura has an Organized Intellect. It would serve her well as an intelligence operative, or an Inin, or supplying you with the information you need to carry out your Genius of Tactics in the field. But all of that can be meaningless without that one vital Genius we all have waiting inside us."

Naruto was clearly entranced by now, the way he was during a history lecture... and Sakura suddenly realized she'd never let herself see that Naruto found history as engrossing as she did--

 _Later, later!_ that little voice said. _I want to hear this._

 _Me too,_ the voice she gave the world said. "What Genius is that, Gai-sensei?"

Gai's normally jovial face grew serious. "The Genius of Hard Work. Other aspects of intelligence falter without it. We fail in using them, and decide that this means we have failed in a chance to show how we are, how good we are at something, or have somehow reached our limit with a skill. In turn, we can decide it means we aren't that thing, that we can never be good at that thing, or we have reached the pinnacle of our skills. Which may be true, but is a most un-Youthful base assumption."

Sakura's explanation came almost as soon as Naruto's frown formed. "It's a bad starting point."

"Oh, okay," Naruto nodded. Gai flashed him a thumbs up before continuing.

"It is far better to see our failures as just another bit of information we can use when we try again. As a challenge. And maybe over time we learn that yes, we suck at genjutsu. Or that stealth is not our forte. Or that we should leave putting intelligence together to our teammates. But because we have not simply given up... we also can find that our memory is actually rather good given a few tools, or that we may not be one to hide in shadows but we can fade into a crowd, or that we can in fact gather intelligence ourselves to the point our teammates turns to us. Or... that not being able to mold chakra outside of our body does not close the door to being a Splendid, Awesome, Youthful Nin. This is something most of us must learn, to keep going and persevere until we find our strengths and then go even further to develop them, and compensate for or shore up our weaknesses."

Naruto and Sakura followed his gaze to where Rock Lee stood, hammering a training post with his fists. Lee paused mid punch, then slowed the motion down, frowning. He repeated the punch a few times, stopped as an "a ha!" look settled on his face, and repeated the motion. This time, he found the punch closer to what he wanted and grinned.

He resumed his assault on the post, ending with a left right cross combo that broke the post in three and sent the two higher pieces flying.

"He's not augmenting his strength at all, is he?" Sakura realized.

Gai nodded. "Anyone can build the habit of Hard Work. Many only need to be told what I just told you. But this... the Genius of Hard Work is who Rock Lee is, my friends. Where even I flag, he persists and I find even myself stunned at what the extra little bit of effort yields. If every Nin of Konoha had that Genius backing our Will of Fire... it would be glorious..."

Lee turned toward them, and flashed a thumbs up and a grin as he saw them watching.

Naruto returned the grin. "That was Awesome, Lee-sempai!"

"Why thank you, Naruto-kouhai. I am still working on it, but it shows promise," Lee said in answer.

 _It shows promise,_ Sakura thought.

 _Nothing less than his best would get anything more,_ that deep little voice noted.

##

###  **0605 h. Same place. Incidentally the place Gai first challenged Kakashi.**

Anko was considering Sakura carefully.

Okay, so she was doing her best to make the pinkette squirm. She wasn't enjoying doing it.

Much.

So she kept telling herself...

"I have been given a menu to feed you all, tailored to fit your needs. Today, two local merchants have been kind enough to tap the restaurants they supply and will be delivering breakfast... soonish."

Sakura's eyes went even wider as an approaching voice said, "Honestly, Kizashi, our daughter is a professional now! A bento shaped like Kono-tan the Happy Leaf Nin would have embarrassed her!"

"But Mebuki, Sakura-chan loves Kono-tan! And besides, ninja or not she'll always be my little girl!"

Sakura turned toward her sensei. "Hating you now," she growled.

"As it should be," Anko shot back.

"Kizashi, she may have inherited your hair but she got my sense of propriety and brains."

"How do you know she didn't get some of my brains and sense of fun?"

"She's intelligent."

"...Hey! Is that any way to treat your doting, loyal husband who is carrying seven stuffed bento? Big bento?"

"... you haven't run off like that jerk Tsume married did, so I assume I'm doing fine."

"But I'm not a jerk. "

"For kami sake stop whining."

"Hi Haruno-san, Haruno-chan," Naruto greeted the duo.

Haruno Mebuki's stern eyes softened just a touch. "Uzumaki-kun. Once again, I find myself glad Sakura has someone sane on her team."

Sakura shot her mother a betrayed look. "Ka-san! How is he the sane one?"

"Ah, I'm going to have to side with your mother on this one, Sakura-chan," Kizashi said sadly, setting the stack of bento down with a grunt. "Naruto, as far as I know, never had a crush on an emo nin of great talent and little social skill."

"I... never considered it, I don't swing that way," Naruto admitted. "Though... if Sasuke had been a girl... yeah, yeah. Poisonously boring emo, stay away. I mean, a lot of those Uchiha women were pretty, but the attitude... yuck."

"A lot of those Uchiha women saved on air conditioning," Kizashi said.

Naruto smirked. "I don't want to say they were cold, but you gave them cream for their coffee, they'd complain they didn't want ice cream after they touched it."

Kizashi grinned. "Frankly, friend, some of those Uchiha were stuck in the deep freeze."

"We're implying they were real arseholes stuck in their ways, and even the 'right guy' or other attractive person couldn't help them," Anko said.

"You see, Sakura-chan?" Kizashi said, sighing. "Even if he'd been a looker like his mother--"

"Or that Aunt of his," Mebuki murmured.

"I miss Aka-chan too, yes-- even accounting for that..." Kizashi gave his daughter a regretful look. "Really? Better ways to spend your time than chasing a boy that half your interest comes from the fact your best friend is after him."

Sakura's jaw worked. "Well-- well what about social skills, mm? Naruto isn't exactly Social Grace-sama!"

"Better a friendly, kind clod than a thoughtless uncommunicative boar," Mebuki said, without missing a beat.

"Yes," Kizashi agreed.

"Rather like your father."

Kizashi slowly nodded. "Yes. I... find myself unable to argue with that point."

 _Naruto is rather like Kushina-nee that way,_ Anko reflected.

"Sasuke-kun isn't boring--"

"No, dear, your mother means like the animal," Kizashi clarified.

"Besides, Naruto's an Uzumaki," Mebuki was saying. "It's half expected. Though don't take this as an order to date Naruto."

Naruto's grin fell. "Why not?"

Mebuki looked at Kizashi.

Kizashi looked at Mebuki.

The two broke out laughing.

"Maybe, Naru-kun," Mebuki said, patting the boy's shoulder, "if I wanted one or both of you dead within a week... I mean, they go on and on about opposites attracting, but if you're not really magnetic, you're not going to stay together."

Naruto's lip trembled. Kizashi put a hand on his shoulder.

"One of my daughter's favourite pastimes is spending a quiet afternoon reading, in companionable silence. Honestly, how long would you last?"

Naruto chewed his bottom lip a bit. "Maybe... five minutes, if that."

"There, you see," Kizashi said kindly. "Friends, yes. Person I trust to have my blossom's back, no question. Boyfriend...?"

"Not so much?" Naruto offered.

"Really, not at all," Mebuki said bluntly. "But we did like you enough to bring food..."

"You're Awesome!" Naruto said easily.

Kizashi picked up the top bento. "Let's see, yes, Naruto. Typical Hi morning meal. Steamed rice; miso soup-- simple, basic with tofu; natto; nori to wrap the rice in; tamagoyaki; and some broiled salt salmon. Triple portion of each."

"Yay! Wait, does it have pickles?"

Kizashi made a show of opening the lid just barely and peeking. "It has pickles. As well as snacks for between now and lunch in smaller containers; I'm told that marvelous jacket of yours has pockets you can easily put those in."

"Yay!" Naruto said, taking the bento and rushing off to a nearby log.

Anko shook her head. Knowing that these two were among the most elite of Konoha's darkest operatives... looking at them, you would guess they were typical civilians. Which she supposed just made their cover a different kind of roots.

"Rock Lee?" Kizashi asked.

"I am here, Haruno-san!" Lee said, stepping up before the 'civilian'.

Kizashi looked the boy over, then turned to his wife. "This is the one Rock Lo thought bad mouthing at All Council Meetings would make him look good?"

"Mm. Hopefully, Michiko and I disabused him of that notion," Mebuki said.

"...Gourudoko-sama and yourself spoke on my behalf?" Lee asked, eyes shining.

"Mm. I may not be a nin, but Michiko is and says you are a splendid one. That your uncle was clearly letting his ambition get ahead of his brain only made me more firmly on your side."

Lee blinked once, then bowed deeply to Sakura's mother, wai hand clasp and all. She smiled as he straightened up. Mebuki lifted, with some effort, the next bento.

"Standard Hi fare, triple portioned. Pork and Chicken Cutlets, portion of hamburger fried rice, rice omelet... your usual, and snacks."

"Thank you, Haruno-san."

"Why do I have a feeling I'd have as much luck getting you to call me Ba-chan as Michiko does...?" Mebuki murmured.

Lee froze. "Eh? Baa-chan? But you are too youthful to be a grandmother..."

And he turned and walked off to join Naruto.

"I could try and argue about being an aunt," Mebuki mused.

"He'd just use it to compliment you more," Kizashi said. Then he frowned, and wordlessly handed Neji a bento.

The Hyuuga blinked.

"I know your mother, boy. When she's not crying over her son's attitude when picking up the Clan's order, we'll talk," Kizashi said firmly.

Neji winced and jerked as if struck. He took the Bento and walked away, distancing himself from Lee and Naruto.

Tenten had a sad little smile. "We try to help him see..."

"He has to make the choice, Emiya-chan," Kizashi sighed.

Mebuki picked up the bento marked with Tenten's name. "Walk with my daughter, would you? That's got a double Hi in there, with some sesame dumplings and orange chicken, and no pickled plums."

Tenten raised an eyebrow, but nodded.

Anko watched as Mebuki reached out and hugged her daughter.

"No more starving yourself. Ask Tenten what she means by diet, alright? You're a nin. Eat like a member of the forces. Kunoichi are ladies in their own way."

The murmured instruction was just loud enough that Tenten's eyes widened in concern, and of course she and Gai heard as they were blatantly boosting their hearing with chakra. Kakashi wouldn't have needed to, Anko mused. Nor would... Kushina. Crud.

Sakura slowly returned the hug. "Yes, Kaa-san."

But if Naruto had heard, he was pretending not to for now.

"There's a standard Hi breakfast in there, as well as a bit of Barsaive-style poached eggs on toast that Gai-sensei recommended. Barsaive's diet is good for weight gain, which your sensei tells me you need-- both muscle and some healthy fat."

Sakura nodded as she let go of her mother and took the bento. Her father reached out and patted her head. "You still make us proud, my blossom."

Sakura smiled. "Thank-you, Tou-san. I'll try to keep doing so."

Tenten reached out and wrapped an arm around Sakura as the girl approached, leading her to the side. "You're friends with Yamanaka Ino, right? She mentioned diet a few times, I'm guessing?"

Mebuki looked at Anko and Gai, and for a second the civilian was gone and there was an experienced nin. "Keep an eye on them, Sensei."

Anko nudged Gai out of his startled look. "Of course, Haruno-san."

Gai swallowed and bowed.

Kizashi nodded. "Then we trust it to you."

And then, they were back to being to merchants. "Well! Genta volunteered to bring you lunch today, and breakfast tomorrow. We sadly will be occupied by an order all day tomorrow. When it rains, it pours," Kizashi groused.

"Mm. And speaking of pouring, you are also fixing the spray head in the bath, yes?" Mebuki suggested.

Kizashi looked at her as if she was mad. "Woman, the thing is barely dripping!"

"One drip every ten seconds is six a minute, is filling a pail of water an hour. That's 24 pails. That's not something to scoff at, Ki!"

Kizashi scoffed.

"I will sleep on the couch tonight, I swear."

"Ah, sweetest, no! Don't leave me alone on that big, empty futon!"

"Ne?" Gai murmured.

"Yep. The roots in the dark," Anko said, reaching over to the remaining two bento. She lifted the lid on the one with her name. "Oh, dango."


	2. 2

###  **0625 h. Yours and mine and hers and his and theirs and our Konoha Academy**

One could point to many a defining trait of Hatake Kakashi. His mastery of a blood gift not his own, leading to his nickname, Kakashi no Sharingan. His determination to never leave a comrade-- even ones he might not really like-- behind in battle. which made his cry of "Man Down" another nickname. His commitment to teamwork-- a trait many of his fellow ANBU back in the day credited with their survival.

His casual perversity, such that you knew you were either not rating notice or dead if he had an Icha Icha volume out (higher level nin knew he was just as likely to be reading the gold mine of information Jiraiya the Toad Sannin encoded into every printing, which was why he owned multiple editions).

There was one big, rather glaring fault that Hatake Kakashi had. And while he was better at noticing and coping with this particular flaw than his father was... he still did have to cope with it.

At the oddest times, at the most annoying moments, the nin whose motto was "look underneath the underneath" would fall to denial.

Take the moment we recall here. Right after arriving at the Academy for the day, he followed directions from a smiling Umino Iruka. After going where directed, Hatake Kakashi found himself assigned a small converted closet as an office. If Kakashi were living up to his motto... he would have quickly noticed that made him one of only three nin-sensei in the Academy who _had_ an office.

Instead, he took the cramped quarters as another sign of his Hokage's disfavour.

At seeing his desk had a stack of paperwork on it already, he should have remembered smiling on catching Utatane Koharu, Mitokado Homura, and even that old war hawk Shimura Danzou arguing over whose turn it was to handle the top level Academy decisions, and shouldn't they just appoint someone to handle these things day to day? Instead, he immediately filed it as part of his punishment.

And while he was not glib or dismissive when several chuunin came in before classes with questions about procedures and this student or that student (when the Hokage gave Kakashi a mission, punishment or not, by the Will of Fire he filled the mission), he did not make the link between how he had once constantly consulted Minato-sensei on being assigned a squad leader; or how even seasoned ANBU and jounin still came to him for advice.

He just figured they were respecting his rank. A jounin was there, consult him. He missed how some came eagerly. He noticed the nervous ones... and remembered watching his sensei's son, who had mastered Henge before the Academy and struggled through. He marked those.

In this, he did not fail to follow his motto.

But Hatake Kakashi, willfully blind to certain things at the moment... Kakashi of the Sharingan, the greatest ANBU trainer in Konoha's history, old "Man Down" himself...

Kakashi utterly failed to see how all this put him in another role his Hokage knew him to be great at.

##

###  **0635 h. Training Ground 35.**

"Okay, yeah," Naruto said, pouting... though, Gai reflected, the Uzumaki was likely calling it a scowl in his own head. "My chakra control sucks. But my stamina's through the roof! You want me to train my chakra control, I'll train it like Black Leg Sanji trains his kicks!"

"How Youthful!" Gai praised. "So, Naruto, you are ready to practice being a Genius of Hard Work?"

"I swear I hear an orchestral swell every time he uses audible caps," Sakura murmured.

"Roll with it," Tenten advised.

"You bet!" Naruto agreed.

"No matter how Intense it may be?" Gai prompted.

"Bring it!" the Uzumaki crowed.

"No matter how great the Challenge?" Gai half- warned.

"We're ready, aren't we Sakura-chan?" Naruto prompted.

Sakura grinned. "Hell, yeah. I'm pumped, as they say out on East Blue."

"Yeah!" Naruto cheered.

"Then, if you are truly ready... I will introduce to you two people very dear to me. They taught this exercise to my own students--"

Tenten seemed to notice the guests first. "Ranko-ba!"

As Tenten rushed over to embrace the redhead on the left, Naruto noticed dimly that Sakura's eyes had gone as wide as his.

"The Heroes of Kawa..." Naruto breathed.

"The Defenders of the South Shore," Sakura managed.

"Aren't they supposed to be running our outpost in Nerima?" Naruto wondered.

"Well, that is their official assignment, but they can trust their subordinates so my Sensei can help his student," Gai said, blushing slightly.

Naruto turned to Gai, knowing his expression was awestruck. "You-- him-- sensei--"

Sakura smirked. "I suppose having Hyuuga 'Anything Goes' Ranma as a sensei does explain a few things."

Naruto turned and nodded hard. His voice still wasn't working.

"Yes," Gai said. "And Ranko has been a great inspiration to Tenten." At the younger genin's look, he said, "Originally, her only model of a Splendid Kunoichi was Tsunade. My Youthful Beauty is many things. Adept at ijutsu... well, her first instinct on facing a fallen friend is to shake them. Rather... hard." Gai rubbed his neck.

"But you introduced her to the Infinite Arsenal," Naruto finally managed.

"Indeed. My own sensei excels at unarmed combat. Early on... "

"Early on, when I was much more rambunctious and short tempered than I am now," Ranko said, approaching and setting Tenten down from their embrace, "I defined myself as whatever my dear twin brother wasn't."

"And vice versa," Ranma noted. "It was not a one way force."

"True enough," Ranko agreed. "But what it came down to was that if Ranma were to disdain weapons and focus on unarmed combat-- well, I would learn to use the very clothes I wear as a weapon. Ranma practically grows a harem due to my father's... somewhat... loose use of marriage contracts-- I would find one man and stick with him."

"Oddly resulting in us both being quite happy in the end, even when we stopped simply defining ourselves as not our twin. Cousin," Ranma greeted Neji with a half bow.

Neji's two return bows, to each of his cousins in turn, was much deeper. "Ranma-sama, Ranko-sama."

"Ranma-sensei! Ranko-sensei!" Rock Lee cried, somehow embracing them both.

"Rock Lee," Ranma said with soft fondness.

"Lee-kun!" Ranko said, almost more boisterous than the Rock clan member.

Gai indicated the other team with them. "Sensei, Ranko-sama... you of course know Anko-koi...?"

"Still using the contraceptives, I see," Ranko noted bluntly.

Anko didn't even blush. "I won't have three partners or a stay at home husband. The timing will have to be right so I can give the monsters the attention they need."

Ranko nodded. "It's good you realize they'll be monsters."

"With us as parents, we could think anything else?" Anko returned drily. "Ranma-sensei, Ranko-baa-san, these are the minions. Well, two of them, I'm giving Peacock-minion a chance to straighten his head out."

"Hey-- no, even I have to admit the hair gives that impression," Sakura sighed.

"That's Haruno Sakura," Anko said.

Ranma reached out and clasped the girl's hands. "Every time they resupply us, your parents go on about how proud they are of you."

Sakura blushed. "Er, thank you Ranma-sensei."

"And this--"

"Did you really break into the Jounin Ready Station and replace every bulletin on the board with haiku about notable members of the force?" Ranko asked, cocking her left eyebrow.

"Wait, that happened?" Naruto said, far too innocently.

Ranko nodded, chuckling. "You'd be Naruto, then. Favourite topic of conversation when folks rotate in from Konoha."

Naruto felt his cheeks grow hot. "Yeah, well... we study you plenty in class, Baa-chan!"

The two Hyuuga-- dressed in identical Chai style shirts and trousers, looked at each other.

"I suppose we've done one or two things of note, haven't we brother dear?"

"Eh, maybe," Ranma said with a shrug, and barely gave Naruto time to sputter as he turned to Gai. "Maito Gai."

Gai grew serious. "Yes, Ranma-sensei."

"You have called us here to teach your beloved Anko's students... the First Lesson."

Sakura blinked. "Damn, I would have figured he got the orchestral swell thing from you, Ranko-sama."

Ranko giggled. "Much as I love Gai, he is my Brother's student."

"I have, Sensei," Gai replied.

"Gai-kun," Ranma asked, just as serious. "I must ask you, as I asked when you called me to teach it to your own students, as my sensei Homura asked me when I asked him to teach you and your teammates Genma and Hakutoko... Are they ready?"

"They say they are, Sensei," Gai said.

"Ah, but Gai-kun, I do not expect mere genin to know if they are ready," Ranma said sadly. "Thus, I must ask... do you think they are ready for the First Lesson?"

"Honestly, if that's an audible genjutsu, they're recasting it each time..." Sakura muttered.

Gai thought for a moment. "Sensei, I do not think any of us were ever ready for the First Lesson... even you admitted you were not truly ready when Homura-sensei taught you in Tobirama-sama's stead."

"This is true," Ranma temporalized.

"But, Sensei... they are _willing_ ," Gai said firmly.

"Oh?" Ranma said.

"Damn straight!" Naruto crowed. No way he was going to let training by one of Konoha's legends pass him by! "You give me this... First Lesson, and I will _own_ it!"

"Well," Ranma said, sharing a glance with his sister, who Naruto suddenly realised had far too large a grin on her face, "we shall see."  
  


##

###  **0650 h. And now, it is Training Ground Oh Sweet Kami Make It Stop.**

Naruto was really, really, _really_ forcing himself not to complain. Sakura could practically taste his irritation, but supposed in his own way he was quite respectful of the fact that they were being taught by two of Konoha's greats.

But obviously, the 'First Lesson' being meditation was not what he expected. It wasn't what she had called to mind either, come to it.

They had... dipped their toes into meditating in Academy... but not put it into regular practice. It was introduced as a tool one could use to perfect a proper mindset and aid in chakra control. Hell, her parents had even suggested it had great potential to help her.

 _But they don't have an internal dialogue making it difficult!_ that inner voice grumbled.

 _Ah,_ her outer self countered, _remember what Ino's dad told me when I was worried having two distinct voices inside meant I was crazy?_

Inner her sighed. _Yeah, yeah. Everyone does, it's just that mine's more pronounced. I don't have multiple selves, just a vivid schema for two facets of my being; I could have more and not be nuts. And damn it, I shouldn't be thinking, should I?_ __  
  


 _I don't think it's like that,_ she countered herself.

Balancing on her hands was a new twist, though. She'd surprised herself by being able to comfortably balance on her thumbs and forefingers, as Tenten did-- though Gai and Lee managed on just index fingers and thumbs. Ranma and Ranko just used their middle fingers, which Sakura couldn't even fathom at this point. Maybe with time.

Time. Leaf and branch, time got worse in meditation. Had she been at this for a minute? Two? Ten? An hour? Fuck if--

"Oi, Anko? What are you doing?"

She vaguely recognized that voice, the one to which Anko murmured "Meditating," in reply. Was it? Yes, one of the Chuunin who often were on gate duty when she saw her parents off on... business... He was apologising for interrupting.

What was his name?

 _Doesn't matter,_ Inner mind growled. _Meditating, like sensei said._

Right. Every thought, a stray dog you had to ignore. Focus on the breath. At the mouth or the diaphragm, focus as it goes in and out. Ignore the folk song stuck in your head, you may love "Me and You and Kitties" but it is not for right now. Focus

"Naruto, quit sighing," Anko-sensei sighed.

"I'm not sighing, I'm breathing!"

"Focus," Ranko-sama chided simply.

Right. Breath in, breath out. Breath in, breath out. Just don't get it, starting to-- no! No Keltic pop songs! No matter how catchy. Kami, dirt was getting under her nails, and it shouldn't matter and damn it focus.

In.

Out.

In. _Ancestors I'm doing it, and thinking this means I've stopped, doesn't it, fuck._

Out. In. Out.

She let the thought that she was slowly syncing with Tenten's breath, with Neji and Lee and Gai's and Anko-sensei's breath arise... and pass.

In. Out. In.

"Oh, Genma. Look. How cute, the baby genin are trying to meditate."

Oh sweet founders of her clan, let Ino's mom just keep going...

"Hakutoko, c'mon. We told Yuugao and Coughing Fit we'd meet them at the Jounin Station."

"Oh, but look at my cousin's genin. Oi! Anko-chan! Cousin!"

Wait, Ino and Anko-sensei were related?

Out, in, out...

"Anko-chan! You're giving them pure torture here! They'll never last however long you've planned!"

In, I'll show you Jelly-nee, out, you can't make me break, in.

"Hey, Genma, hey Hakutoko. What... Hakutoko, what are you doing?"

"Torturing my cousin's genin, what does it look like, Tsume-chan?"

"Ah, time honoured tradition then."

Ignore them. Focus. In.

Out.

In.

Out.

"Well, c'mon join-"

_Practically your aunt or not, she doesn't matter._

In.

Out.

Only the breath.

In.

Out.

"I dunno, Hakuko-chan." Hakuko-chan? That was a new one, not even Ino's dad called her mom something like that--

"I found learning this plenty hard enough--"

In.

Out.

In.

_Did I remember to make the bed?_

Out.

In.

 _Naruto is sighing on purpose,_ Outer her thought.

_No. I believe him. He's just breathing._

In.

Out.

In.

Out.

_I need to--_

In.

Out.

In.

Out.

"Iruka, come help us--"

" **Fucking stop it!** " Naruto roared, and she heard someone fall, even as she fell herself. " **I got enough of this in Academy! I really want to do this,** " his breath hitched and his voice lost volume, "and- and I thought you liked me, Tsume-nee, but you keep talking and I'm trying not to think but _First Damn it_ ** _That's HARD FOR ME!_** "

Sakura saw her teammate sit there sobbing. She saw Neji's face settle in a sneer, and his mouth open.

And suddenly she, compromised, ill-trained, and (if you pressed her) self-sabotaged Haruno Sakura, was in the Hyuuga Branch Clan prodigy's face.

"Ranma-sama, did Neji perform this perfectly when he first learned from you?"

The elder Hyuuga's answer to her question betrayed a fire beneath his calm exterior. "No. In fact, he broke down sooner than Naruto did."

"So any snide comments he has--"

"He should just suck it, yes," Ranma said flatly, his Byakugan active, his obvious line of sight fixed on Neji.

Neji trembled, but marshalled his stoic bearing--

"Your mother will hear of this," Ranko added cooly.

At that comment, Neji developed the kind of oh-shit-trouble look a child reserves for their parent's ire.

That dealt with, Sakura turned to see Naruto in Yamanaka Hakutoko's arms, soothing words being whispered to the young blond. Inuzuka Tsume looked vaguely ill as she patted the boy's head, and she and Sensei shared a look. She then looked at Iruka-sensei.

He held up a scroll. "I'm delivering this scroll to the Hokage, then returning to talk with Hatake-taichou."

"I will join you."

Another jounin with a needle between his teeth-- that must be Genma-- knelt down beside Hakutoko and began to murmur. After a moment, Naruto looked at him and smiled in recognition. The jounin gestured Sakura to come closer.

"Sakura-san, right?"

That honorific seemed to say in one syllable, _let me treat you as an adult._

"Yes, Genma-sempai," Sakura hazarded, and was pleased when the jounin smiled.

"I think Naruto has misunderstood something about meditation. I want to make sure it's something you get cleared up too, okay?"

"I... thank you, Sempai."

"It took until the Fourth explained it to me when I became part of his public bodyguard to get this, and I always wondered until then what I was doing wrong when meditating. And this was with Ranma-sensei's sensei teaching us. So... let me tell you what you're not trying to do.

"You're not trying to become calm, or stop thinking, or ignore your thoughts even. Okay?"

Sakura slowly joined Naruto in nodding.

"That's because there's something vital you need to know about thinking. Minato-sama blew my mind when he told me this. Ready?"

Again, they nodded.

"You... are not your mind."

Naruto gave a strangled little "Huh?" even as Hakutoko let him go. Sakura merely managed to blink.

"I know, right?" Genma said, chuckling. "But, think about it. You aren't just your brain and the thoughts it makes. You aren't the processes your brain is running right now without you even thinking. You're the whole thing, every piece of you. The border between you and everything else isn't your thoughts dividing you from the world-- it's where your atoms meet the world around at a point a microscope with the most powerful sight jutsu sealed to it can barely tell where your atoms end and something else's begins!"

Naruto frowned. "So... what's that got to do with..."

"Well, that's the really mind blowing part. This means that your thoughts, everything going around in your head... is just a product of you. Every emotion you credit to a fresh bowl of ramen, or having fun shopping, or being with your friends... it's all you. The way Minato-sama explained it to me and the rest of his public guard... your mind is the sky, okay?"

Naruto blinked. "Our thoughts are just weather?"

Genma laughed. "Exactly. And does the sky try and stay sunny, or rainy, or keep any particular type of weather?"

"No..." Naruto said, eyes lighting up.

"It just happens, doesn't it?" Sakura said, as she realized what Genma was saying.

"If you think of your brain as just another part of you that senses things..." Hakutoko said, patting Naruto's head, "well, your nose just senses whatever smells are around it, right?"

"I open my eyes, and I'm seeing," Naruto said. "I can't stop as long as they’re open. So... as long as I'm awake I'm thinking!"

"Hell, even asleep, your mind is working. You can't stop," Genma said, "so don't try. You can see a blade of grass--"

"Just because I see it, doesn't mean I pull it out of the ground," Sakura said, smiling. "This is one of those simple but hard things, right?"

"Oh, sure. Treating what you think like weather, or just another sense is fucking _hard_ ," Genma agreed. "But.. it lets you have more control of yourself. You stop building narratives just to justify whatever whim you're following that second. Oddly, you also find it easier to go with sensible impulses. Your skills grow smoother as you just do them. Some monks will scoff when you bring that up, and try to stress meditation has no point, and that's the point... but honestly, that's just an additional mental hurdle."

Ranko leaned close at that point. "We had the same thing happen to us when we learned. People were told to come by and try their best to interrupt us. Ranma snapped and attacked them. I... broke down like you did."

Naruto blinked at the living legend. "Really?"

"Oh, yeah. All through Academy, I had to deal with classmates and sensei that treated me as a poor copy of my brother because of a single chromosome and hair from my mother. So it felt like another attack. And that's fine. You're recovering better than I did, it took me a week to let sensei explain the reason."

Naruto's smile was stronger this time. "So... try again?"

Anko, sliding up behind them, put an arm over his shoulders. Sakura felt an arm over hers as well. "Yes. This time, with the field sealed to prevent interruptions. We'll wait a bit before deliberately exposing you to that again. And, hey. Get good enough, and we can do it balancing crane style on a training post. I know people who will bet against you doing that."

And damn if the unholy light that signaled his love of training didn't appear in the eyes of Sakura's teammate...

##

###  **0730 h. Yes, I am sparing you all that time with Naruto struggling to attain Zen.**

Naruto blinked. "Spar? With... Gai-sensei? _Me_?"

Gai grinned broadly.

Anko-sensei let out a, "Ka-fufu."

The sound Naruto emitted could only be called a squee. Even he could admit that.

Ranko grinned at the blond, patting his head. "While my brother takes care of some boring paperwork accompanied by the Youthful Tenten, I will observe you sparring. I'll give Gai some suggestions, and he'll help you find taijutsu styles that suit you-- Sakura-san, is there a problem?"

Sakura gave the woman a strained, polite smile. "The more I hear, the more I'm not liking the picture I'm getting."

Naruto turned to her. "What?"

Sakura looked angry. Naruto was glad as she began ticking off items on her fingers that it was not directed at him in this case. "You're obviously eager to train, have stamina that's just plain scary, and regularly evaded ANBU when running from your pranks-- pranks that the more I think about them, the more I see amazing infiltration simulation missions and possibly sabotage training. Even accepting you not testing well even in subjects you like-- and some people are just _like that_ \-- you are a shoe in to ace at least half the classroom evaluations. Why did it take something extraordinary for you to graduate _dead last_?"

Naruto sighed. "Beside Iruka-sensei being the only sensei to really try and teach me... they always assigned bunshin as my test jutsu."

Sakura thought on that a moment. "Lee-sempai, can you do Bunshin?"

Lee shook his head. "No. I can, if the person I am aiding has enough chakra control themselves, contribute to a genjutsu-- but I can not mold it outside my body at all."

"That means no kawarimi either, doesn't it?"

"Indeed. And even shushin pushes my abilities."

"But you passed...?" Sakura pushed.

"Indeed! It was decided that my obvious Awesome potential with taijutsu would be un-Youthfully wasted otherwise," Lee said, then he looked at Naruto. "This was not a matter that required the approval of anyone outside the Academy, so even if the Hokage was trying to avoid the appearance of bias..."

"Why would the Hokage need to avoid looking biased in Uzumaki's favour?" Neji said with a lilt to his voice Naruto didn't like.

Lee turned to Neji, and there was a sort of pity in the taijutsu prodigy's face. "Neji, the Hokage regularly eats with Naruto and Naruto is one of only two people that can call him Jii without correction. Did you not notice, or simply not make the connection between that person and our youthful kouhai?"

"So that means that Mizuki-sensei wasn't the only arsehole," Sakura murmured.

"Wouldn't want to be them when Hokage-sama finds out," Tenten said.

##

###  **0740 h. Sarutobi actually stripped down the Hokage's office a bit when he took over from Senju Tobirama.**

The Hokage's pipe snapped in half.

No one blinked at this. It happened when the Hokage was especially upset.

"I see. I was not aware conditions at the Academy made certain of our students feel... that harassed," Sarutobi said, his voice near ice. "Chiaki!"

His adjutant appeared in an eye blink. "Hokage-sama," the young chuunin said, handing him a replacement pipe.

"Draft a message for Iruka to take to Kakashi. I fear I will have to... accelerate fully informing him of his position. Iruka, you are to help Kakashi ... clean up the Academy."

"Yes, Hokage-sama," Iruka said simply.

"Also Chiaki, ready a messenger hawk for each genin sensei still with a team from the past twelve graduating sessions. I want to know what is... lacking. "

"Yes, sir," Chiaki said.

"Tsume," Hiruzen said, "be ready to... handle any undesirables."

Tsume blinked. "So... we are treating any that Hatake-san decides have sabotaged the Academy--"

"You are my head oinin. If I did not wish them to be _hunted_ as nukenin..."

Tsume's smile was quite hungry. "I have been sitting around doing nothing in that regard..."

##

###  **Meanwhile at Team Seven and Thirteen's Top Secret Base...**

Neji's eyes narrowed dangerously. "Perhaps this child is just that much of a menace that the chuunin-sensei thought--"

"What's that, Neji-kun? You want to spar with Anko-nee-san?" Ranko said, smiling broadly.

Anko adopted a girlish look of joy that was somehow menacing as hell. "He does? Oh joy!"

The Hyuuga suddenly found himself in a far too tight hug. Naruto could tell-- much as he might joke about it, Nee-sensei never truly tried to smother him with her breasts when they hugged. Neji looked to be fighting for air as Anko danced off with him.

"While my cousin receives many painful reminders about assuming things," Ranko said, "Naruto, you shall be sparring with Gai over there. Taijutsu only."

"Yay!" Naruto said, running after Gai toward the indicated end of the training field.

"... I swear, stars in the eyes..." he only just heard Ranko mutter. "Sakura, Lee, other end."

"Not to worry, Sakura-chan. As this is to help you learn, I shall go easy on you."

"Oh, he did not just..." Naruto said, laughing.

"Naruto...?" Gai wondered.

"Gai-sensei, once Sakura decides to take something seriously... let's just say Lee may have to... be less easy than he thinks."

Gai thought a moment. He winced. "How... Intense are we--"  
  


"Sakura is the one classmate that could bruise me for more than a week with one blow," Naruto said earnestly.

WHAM!

"Hmm. It has been a while since someone caused me to sink into the ground, Sakura-chan-- that was a considerably powerful punch ah, and using me as one of those Youthful tipping punch toys-- owowowowowowowowowo very ow Youthful ow my ow ow Youthful ouchy kouhai!"

"Oh, c'mon, Lee, you didn't even think to dodge? I've seen you move!" Naruto groused.

"Mm... a Youthful lesson in assumptions for dear Lee," Gai noted.

"Yes, very Youthful Sakura, but now I shall-- GAH! PAIN! MOST UNAWESOME AND UN-YOUTHFUL PAIN!"

"Oh, sweet Kami, she's _kicking!_ " Naruto said, clutching Gai.

"Her kicks are... notable...?" Gai wondered.

##

Lee was somewhat stunned as Sakura began to kick.

Anko-senpai had mentioned Sakura's somewhat un-Youthful habit of hitting Naruto when she found him annoying, and that there was an Awesome strength to them...

But Anko had said nothing of Youthful footwork--

Blinking, Lee dodged and weaved, and then took a jump back as Sakura's foot thrust into the air. Had Sakura just performed, on instinct, the Canyon Spike? That particular move was officially part of Kusa's emblematic style, and Keikoken was only--

Lee dodged another roundhouse kick, but had to block a hail of rather Youthful fist blows.

Well, it was rough-- but there was something there. Enough to class Sakura with Tenten.

This was someone who deserved Intensity.

The grin on the pink-haired girl's face told him that just perhaps that was the point.

##

"Ah. I see you are attempting to emulate some of my Youthful Rival's grappling moves!"

"Damn it!" Naruto groused, wrapping his arms around Gai's neck and pushing as hard as he could against the large jounin's shoulders with his feet.

Gai grinned, grabbed Naruto's arm and tossed him with a thunk into a nearby tree. "Naruto, you lack the leverage and chakra control to pull off that hold. Come, try again."

Gai's grin grew as Naruto grabbed his nose and set it with an audible crunch. "Damn it, I hate having to do that." Then he grinned and charged in again.

##

###  **0750 h. The Uchiha lands were a gift from the Hyuuga, actually.**

"Ah, Uchiha-kun!"

In Sasuke's brief but considerable experience, _nothing_ good ever came of one of Konoha's civilians addressing him as Uchiha-kun.

Sasuke turned from the gate to his blessedly quiet and meddler-free compound, hoping that the take out boxes would give them the hint that he'd like to eat right now. He already had his flattest, least open face on. He would admit that to another nin of higher rank he was likely screaming his discomfort, but it sufficed for civilians.

"Hn?"

The tall, skinny man who seemed to be the leader of the small group bowed and clasped his hands in a wai. "Ah, Uchiha-kun. As you no doubt know, I am Hakushaku Hanakouji Yoritsune."

Sasuke did not sigh, much as he wanted to. Why did Hanakouji-san-- hell, any civilian assume a nin would keep up with their political games? As if any of the _shaku_ titles the nobles of Hi's "Kazoku" held mattered to him. The head of any nin clan could claim the title hakushaku. Technically, Sasuke himself could claim it.

Other than being able to claim parity with a Fioren count (itself only mildly amusing), who the fuck cared?

The only political person Sasuke might feel some deference to was the Hidaimyo, and that was because said daimyo honoured the contract between Hi and Konoha. And announcing one's title like that just felt crass. Sasuke didn't care if you were a lowly Danshaku or one of the Daimyo's various children and loyalists awarded the title Koushaku. If it didn't have Nin in it, a title had no authority over him unless his Hokage said so.

"Hn."

His lack of deference seemed to put the man off his patter. "Yes... well, Uchiha-kun. We've come to you today with a most interesting proposal..."

 _Oh sweet sun kami,_ Sasuke thought. _One of these._

##

###  **Back at the Training Ground for the Slightly Kooky**

"No Kage Bunshin, Naruto," Ranko chided.

Sweet Leaf, those eyes were freaky. Naruto danced out of Gai's range and thanked several kami the green-clad 'Beast' wasn't _really_ cutting loose. If this guy casually called old Hound-nii "rival", Naruto had no doubt going full bore the jounin could reduce him to paste, Patented Naruto Healing Powers or not.

The fact that he was tapping those powers to keep going in the spar, on the other hand... that told him he was being taken seriously.

Naruto forced himself to think even as he blocked. But that didn't work-- thinking just seemed to make his limbs get all tied up. All his best ideas--

They just kind of happened.

Naruto dodged Gai's next salvo. He tried to be like Genma suggested. His thoughts weren't him. But _trying_ just seemed to make his mind more active, as a thought about watching his thoughts started. Thinking about thinking sucked more than normal thinking!

Why was he thinking so hard? It was just a spar--

And something clicked even as Gai landed an open palm that sent him flying.

In his mind, he had kept adding 'with Gai-sensei' to that statement. And those three words-- a conjunction, a name, an honorific (he wondered how many people would wager he didn't know what a conjunction or honorific was) changed his entire mind set.

 _It is just a spar._ Naruto realized as he stood up from the tree he'd impacted with. And it was not with thoughts of how taijutsu, despite his lack of form, was one of his best subjects. Or with a dozen tactics in mind to now tackle Gai-sensei with. That was not what was filling his thoughts as he moved in.

Later, if forced to give it a word-- it was a verb.

_Spar._   
  


##

Sakura's mindset, her verb, was slightly different.

 _Fight_. It was different than trying to make her movements fit what Mizuki-se-... Mizuki-baka taught her back at the Academy. This was not academic, this was personal.

Okay, maybe Neji's dismissive attitude toward Naruto had primed her to be offended by Lee's suggestion he'd have to hold back.

He likely did. But if she wanted to prove Neji had no fucking clue about Naruto or herself, she had to come at this with no reservations. Blood hot, brain in the fridge, as her father had once described it. The less Lee felt he had to hold back, the better the training she would get after.

She was a kunoichi, damn it. If she let people treat her like less, she was just setting herself up the way the bastard who would never again be sensei in her mind had. To be less.

Haruno were never satisfied with being less.

Once or twice, Lee had started some Youthful patter after breaking free of the ground-- she'd be surprised at herself later for that. She'd figured Naruto's whining that she hit harder than anyone had been just that-- whining-- or maybe even another of his awkward attempts at a compliment, but she'd driven Lee _into the First-Blessed ground._

But the patter died off as a small honest grin formed on her sempai's face, as if to say, "Well, I wasn't expecting to _enjoy_ myself."

And then she had started kicking.

Sakura knew, intellectually, that the legs tended to be stronger than the arms by default-- if only because they were hauling around the rest of you all day. She’d been discouraged from kicking in spars by not just Mizuki, but others.

If Naruto was right about the strength she seemed to summon, maybe that was for the sake of her classmates health as much as anything.

Against Lee, such concerns were not a factor. It seem natural to mix in foot blows with her hand strikes.

And the wince whenever a kick connected... well, deep inside she felt an undeniable thrill each time he winced. Especially since his grin seem to return even broader after each one.

##

"Hanakouji," Sasuke said flatly, "Have you brought this to my Hokage appointed sesshou, Hyuuga Hiashi?" He had no doubt, had his father assigned a regent, it wouldn't be the Hyuuga head. The man had served him well, though.

The civilian blinked. "We wanted to inform you of this opportunity offered by the Gato Corporation directly--"

Sasuke cut him off. "So. No, or Yes, but he said no and you're trying to work around him."

Hanakouji stroked his chin in an attempt to look thoughtful. "Well, Uchiha-kun... far be it from me to suggest that the Hyuuga might not have your best interests in mind..."

Sasuke cursed inwardly. _Every. Kami. Damn. Time._

##

###  **0803 h.**

Maito Gai was impressed. Part way through his spar with Naruto... something had _shifted_.

The young nin had seemed un-Youthfully vexed early on in their spar. As if a million thoughts assaulted him non-stop.

And then, as if one of his landings against a tree had acted as the wooden hizatsu some sifu struck junior monks with in meditation... something had shifted. And Gai had found himself most Awesomely pressed to, as that old Knight who had befriended the Hyuuga said, take it up a notch.

That wasn't the truly Youthful part. That came when upon taking it up that notch Naruto seemed to just press himself harder. On instinct, through the seemingly sloppy brawl that was his default style. As if he sensed Gai trying to set a rhythm and instantly imposed his own.

This was something Ranma-sensei, Ranko-sama-- sweet Leaf, even Naruto's parents had spoke of _developing_.

If the Academy tried to dim this kind of Youthful fire... perhaps Gai needed to have words with his Eternal Rival himself.

##

Sakura blinked down at Lee, and Lee found her shock at her own Youthful victory more disheartening than his defeat.

He laughed. "Well done, Sakura-kouhai! Well done! I thought I had taken you seriously, but evidently I was most un-Youthful in my attitude toward you!"

He pointedly tapped the ground, and heard Ranko-sama calmly announce "Winner, Sakura."

Holding out his hand, he winced. "A hand, please-- that last sweep rather Awesomely destroyed my vertical base. Your legs are weapons already, my Youthful Kouhai!"

Sakura helped him to his feet. "Er... will you be alright, Sempai?"

"I shall be fine, Sakura-chan," Lee assured her. "It was rather like a heavy spar with Neji. Taxing, but Intensely educational!"

"You... learned something from me?" Sakura blinked.

Lee frowned. "Sakura, if anything I'd wish to spar you regularly. Once you grow into your own style, I may have to start dropping my weights in order to keep up!"

"Lee," Ranko called, "Take off your leg weights now, Sakura did a number on your lower body."

"Yes, Ranko-sensei!" Lee said, and hit the releases.

"Rot!" Sakura cursed, as twin impact craters formed near Lee's legs.

"Eh?" Lee wondered aloud.

"That's how much weight you cart around regularly?"

Lee looked down at his released leg weights. "Oh, that? They look deceptively light, I know, but my Sensei's Eternal Rival added some seal work to prevent them from getting un-Youthfully bulky!"

Sakura met his gaze. "And... on your arms?"

"Ah, about seven eighths the amount on my legs," Lee admitted. "Despite my diligent Hard Work, I have not achieved parity between my legs and arms yet."

Sakura slowly smiled. "The legs tend to be stronger than the arms as-is, Lee-sempai."

"Indeed," Lee said, frowning. "I must Work Harder, I suppose. Ah! Of course!"

Lee rapidly did a handstand. "Until my legs have recovered their Youthful strength, I shall walk on my hands! And if I can not do that, I shall do pull-ups to strengthen my arms until sunset!"

"Lee-sempai... you do rest, yes?"

Lee sighed. "Annoying as it is, Gai-sensei insists."

"...good."

##

###  **Evergreen Terrace.**

"Leaf and Fire, what are they doing?" Ino wondered, blinking. "And who is Anko-nee killing this time?"

"Well, it looks like Haruno-chan just went toe to toe with your generation's generally acknowledged taijutsu prodigy and won," Asuma said lightly as Team Ten watched what was going on below. "And that Naruto is more than holding his own-- NICE HIP CHECK, UZUMAKI! -- against said prodigy's teacher. As for Anko, it's hard to see from here--"

The... figure... Team Seven's sensei was sparring with suddenly went airborne, with the jounin following him up.

"Ah, she's helping Hiashi-sama's nephew with his therapy."

"That's... therapy?" Chouji said, dropping the chip he'd been raising back in the bag.

"A very intensive school thereof, founded by the Yondaime's wife," Asuma said, face deadly serious.

"Troublesome," Shikamaru grumbled. "Bad enough you get us up this early. I'm glad she has nothing to do with my training-- Asuma-sensei?"

"Yes?"

"Why are you grinning?"

"Oh, nothing. So, let's see if we can avoid Tora today, mm?"

Team Ten shuddered as one.

"I like cats and that thing scares me," Chouji mumbled.

"I wish I could say its mother or grandfather was worse," Asuma commiserated.

"I refuse to believe it is a cat," Ino moaned.

"At the very least, a mutation," Shikamaru agreed. "I swear, it knows kawarimi..."

##

###  **The Uchiha Compound. Rather homey, in a traditional manner**

"Uchiha-san should not have to refer you to his sesshou more than once, Yoritsune-kun."

Sasuke had to suppress a shudder of relief at the voice. "Mitokado-sama."

"Sasuke," the Hokage's advisor greeted in turn. Konoha's Law Keeper's glasses framed a narrow-eyed gaze that did not look the least bit pleased. "I believe our statutes are clear on this, ladies and gentlemen. If a sesshou rejects an offer, the clan members they are the sesshou for are not to be approached. If you do not feel Hiashi-sama is serving the Uchiha clan's interests, you are to appeal to the Keibatsu council."

Hanakouji was sweating under Mitokado's glare. "Well, yes, you see--"

"If you fear malfeasance, you should report it to the KeiBu or ANBU; in this case, the ANBU, as Hiashi's regency extends to controlling the Military Police. In either case--"

"But you see," another of the civilians began--

"In either case," Mitokado pressed, relentless, "in the event you were not satisfied with the response from the Clans, the KeiBu or ANBU-- you would then go to the Shinobi court."

"Well, yes, that is the accepted process, but our backer suggested--"

"In the event the Shinobi court's verdict did not strike you as just, you may then take your appeal to the Hokage directly. But only then. Hiruzen's time is precious. You said this... opportunity came by way of the Gato Corp? Currently headquartered in Nami?"

Hanakouji swallowed. "Er, yes, Mitokado-sama."

"Hm. That was Uzushio territory, back in the day. I'll have to suggest the Hokage keep an eye on things there, if they are driving our own citizens to skirt the law. In fact, all of you should come with me right now to address this matter to the Hokage," Mitokado said. "Sasuke, please excuse the interruption and see to breaking your fast."

"Thank you, Mitokado-sama."

"Really, Mitokado-sama, do we need--"

"That was not a suggestion, Hanakouji. Need I remind you that both in the Hi court and the Konoha Command Structure... I outrank you? Enjoy your meal, Sasuke."

The misery of his tormentors added savor to the morning dishes. Sasuke found the wailing and gnashing of meddlers foiled actually did wonders for his digestion.


	3. 3

###  **0816 h. Repairing training grounds are one of the D Ranks reserved for chuunin.**

"Winner, Naruto Uzumaki."

"Eh?" Gai prompted, blinking at his sensei's twin.

"Gai. Look at where your arm would go if you turned that joint lock into a break."

Gai frowned, traced the trajectory-- and chuckled, lightly than deeply, releasing Naruto's arm and grabbing him in a hug. "Tell me directing my own fist at my groin wasn't luck!"

"It wasn't luck, but I'll be damned if I can tell you how I got there, exactly," Naruto admitted. "I just kind of... found my rhythm."

Gai chuckled harder. _And once you understand that is what you are doing,_ the taijutsu master thought, _then that Youthful potential will truly be let loose!_

Luck played a role in any fight, something Gai knew all too well. He also knew that right now, Naruto was like a blunt cutting edge-- dangerous and unhoned in that danger. The task now was, to hone that blade without changing its shape into something it wasn't.

"Oh, Naruto. How youthful!"

"Aw. Thanks, Gai-sensei."

"Naruto."

"Gai-sensei..."

"Naruto!"

"Gai-sensei!"

"NARUTO!"

"GAI-SENSEI!"

"Whirlpool and rock spires with sunset," Gai heard Ranko murmur. "Fits."

##

###  **Oh, Academia...**

Kakashi blinked at the scroll before him, looked at the grinning Iruka, and slowly developed an eye smile of his own.

"Did he mention promoting you to tokujou?"

"Why, yes Hosensei--a gagabawawha?"

Kakashi indicated a line on the scroll. "Hosensei's assistant, and Master of Arms for the Academy. Village is attacked, your first duty is to save the kids. You also make sure the practice weapons and jutsu library here are stocked and maintained."

Iruka ran a hand through his hair. "It's what I'd do anyway. Did you... finish reading it?"

Kakashi's lone exposed eye narrowed to a deadly slit. "Do we have a place where I can easily address all our active staff, Umino-kun? I have the sudden urge to... _manage_ personnel."

Iruka smiled. It wasn't one of his nice ones. "How doomed do you want them to feel?"

"I knew there was a reason I liked babysitting you when I was a genin."

##

###  **0830 h. Technically in the forest next to Training Ground 35.**

"I've tapped... five times..." Neji managed, gasping at his sensei's beloved.

Anko adopted the Psycho Baby Doll (Scary look number 38) and cooed, "Ah, but Neji... I can't let the rookie of the year fated for so much greatness wuss out, now can I?"

Neji winced, hissed as he stood, and stanced again.

Even with his eyes active, he never saw the gut shot coming.

##

###  **0900 h. Pfft. Like SARUTOBI HIRUZEN, SHINOBI NO KAMI fears paperwork.**

"Request from the An Man Branch of the Hyuuga to segregate the nearest bath by clan," Chiaki droned.

"Tell them certainly, if they get Hiashi to support it. Warn Hiashi," the Hokage said, working on one of his landscapes. He'd send this one to that nice girl Jiraiya taught in Ame.

"Check," Chiaki said. "Kakashi wants to know, 'really, anything?'"

"Tell him to try not to kill anyone the first month, so they give us plenty of rope to hang them on if someone takes a challenge to Shinobi Court. Other than that, yes."

"Check. Another suggestion by... gah, Gourudoku Ken of all people, that Shimura-sama is uniquely suited to train 'the boy'."

"Oh, really?" The Hokage said, then turned to the potted plant on his left. "Are you listening, Oh Thorn in My Side?"

"Yes, oh Target of All My Envy," came the congenial reply via speaker. "Permission to chuckle in disbelief."

"I'll join you," Hiruzen said, and the two laughed. "This is what, the third time?"

"Fourth," the speaker said.

"Fifth," Chiaki corrected.

"Fifth? Oh, right, just after the Mizuki incident, I was just thinking of what we have a paper trail for," the speaker acknowledged. "Is the Law hungry?"

"The Law is tearing up some civilians that thought Gatou money was worth more than Leaf Pride," Hiruzen said. "Reminds me, we need to keep a closer eye on Nami. Gatou's getting to be a name I never want to hear again. Gee, it's too bad we've got Homura on the Gatou thing; in that case I sure hope some random Super Honest Man doesn't take it on himself to scare some sense into Ken-kun while the Law is busy. Seeing as how I'm sure the..."

"Eighth time, Hokage-sama," Chiaki supplied.

"Eighth time Michiko-san tries to talk it in will work so very well..."

"Oh, dear, I happened to have had a Super Honest Man within earshot when you mentioned that, Target of All My Envy," the voice over the speaker said.

"Oh," Hiruzen said with much false sadness. "I'm so sorry I stopped you from being able to restrain him properly. Make sure Shin sends me the details. Are you joining us for Mahjong this week?"

"If I can get this report from Mizu done..."

"Very good. Next, Chiaki."

Chiaki nodded as one of his own Kage Bunshin passed him the next stack of items deemed worth his Kage's direct notice. "Proposal to allow couples to use the aphrodisiac Love Boost in a consensual setting over the wailing and gnashing of the few prudes in town."

Hiruzen paused mid stroke. "Only if the company gives it a better name."

"Love Boost?" came the muttered reply from the plant-mounted speaker. There was a brief but significant pause. "Wait a moment - there's a new aphrodisiac available and no one told ME?!"

"Why would we, Mr 'I keep up with Koharu fine, thank-you'?"

"... I am hating you now, Saru."

"As it should be."

##

###  **1200** **h. Actually, Training Ground 35 is a pretty nice picnic spot.**

"I'll say this for nothing," Anko told her students after a morning of evaluations and exercises. "You two are a study in contrasts."

Naruto frowned.

Sakura smiled slightly. "I don't think she means it as a compliment or an insult, Naruto. She's just making the observation."

"Oh, okay," Naruto accepted with a grin.

It's getting harder and harder to see the idiot, Sakura thought.

The grin grew wider as a voice cried out, "Make Way! Make Way!"

"Umemori Sushi-ya, at your service!" a second added.

The man hauling the sushi cart had dark hair and a ready smile. His short hair was mussy, but not messy-- the sort of relaxed coif of a man who didn't have the inclination to get a high maintenance style, but still appreciated something that reflected his pride in what he was.

The man lowered his cart to rest, flashed that winning grin again, and announced, "Umemori Genta, Solo Yatai Sushi-ya! Proudly delivering sushi to Konoha's Finest Genin!"

Sakura smiled. They'd swung by his cart briefly that first day Anko took them in her care for take out, and her first impression that Umemori-san was as hyper as Naruto and Anko-sensei seemed entirely accurate.

The man broke out a scroll, unrolled it along the ground, and with a grin slapped his palm to it. "Unseal!"

The storage seal on the scroll released, and a table just big enough for Teams Seven and Thirteen appeared in a puff of smoke, along with the stools emblematic of cart-style cuisine. "Please, sit and enjoy the market style service! I have many fresh selections for you today!"

"Very fresh!" the second voice called. Sakura blinked and looked up at the lantern hanging above the left handle of the cart.

After a moment, a head popped out of the top.

"Hello!" the lantern said happily.

"I live in the most Awesome town in existence," Sakura breathed.

The lantern laughed. "I like this one, Naru-kun!"

Naruto grinned. "Hey, Daigoyo! This is my team mate Sakura! Sakura, this is Daigoyo! He's really smart, Genta-nii made him with seals!"

"Nice to meet you," Sakura said with a bow. "You... look kind of like a civilian constable, like I've seen in Hi's capital when I travelled with my parents."

The lantern vibrated happily. "Oh, how nice! She noticed!"

Genta emerged from behind the cart, carrying a tray with tea laid upon it. "I have cousins in the force," Genta said with a grin. "Though it is not Hi's force, but the police in my hometown back in Tetsu no Kuni. Both share the tradition of carrying lanterns marked with the script for 'make way!' on them."

Sakura though for a moment. "That's where your name comes from, the call of make way?"

"Oh, this is a smart one! Anko-chan, is she yours? You are indeed lucky, to have this beauty and Naruto for students!" the lantern crowed.

"Indeed, Daigoyo!" Genta agreed. "But, come now! I understand you only have a half hour for lunch! Sit, sit."

Anko sat near the head of the table, grinning. "Make it an hour, and a working lunch. We have a lot to go over from the morning, don't we Gai-kun?"

The taijutsu master sat across from her, nodding. "Indeed, Anko-koi. Sushi-ya, you have been advised of our student's needs, and we have the utmost trust in your skill."

"Ah, thank you Maito-san," Genta replied. Gad, even serious he was lively as all hell. "I will do my best to live up to that trust."

"As long as he doesn't pinch the rice too hard," Daigoyo muttered.

"What was that?" Genta said dangerously.

"I said, Miso Soup Starter!" Daigoyo said louder.

"Ah, yes!" Genta said, retreating to the cart as Neji, Lee, and Tenten joined them. He turned back eyes closed and mouth in a hard line. "But maybe let me serve the tea before such reminders, Dai?"

"Oh, you hadn't yet? Sorry, boss."

Sakura stifled a laugh. "Are they always like this?"

Naruto waggled his eyebrows at her. "If anything, they've gotten worse since I've started eating here."

"You are a terrible influence," Sakura agreed. "So, Sensei-- you were saying we're a study in contrasts?"

Anko sipped her tea, let the liquid linger on her tongue a moment, and nodded in appreciation. "Excellent. And yes, you're starting from almost opposite ends of the spectrum. Sakura, you have low reserves and excellent control. Naruto, you have so much chakra it's hard for you to be aware of it. Your endurance is stunning, but Sakura's better at pacing herself. Sakura needs to finesse her way in for her most powerful blows. Naruto comes out swinging to get in for one of his flashes of brilliance. Your approaches to combat, your general mindsets-- they tend to lead you to do the exact opposite of what the other would. We work on your team work, it could be a good compliment. Leave you to your own devices... well, you've been driving each other nuts all through Academy, right?"

Naruto pouted as his soup was placed before him. "I guess."

"Yes, we were," Sakura admitted. "You were persistent in all the wrong ways and I... I started acting like Shikamaru's mom. Or at least the way he says she does."

Naruto shook his head. "Shika over-exaggerates it. If she was that bad, his dad would have divorced her."

"Figured as much," Sakura said. "But, sensei... in some ways, we're alike. I mean, I don't show it as much, but part of me really likes the kind of humour of Naruto's pranks."

Anko smirked. "But it's not the sort of thing you’re comfortable with happening right in your social sphere, is it?"

Sakura pursed her lips. "Pah. Kaa-san was right, we're geared to drive each other nuts."

Anko shook her head. "No. You've gotten into the habit of driving each other nuts. My best friends and I-- some of us have similarly conflicting personalities. You should hear me and your downstairs neighbour get at it when we're drunk, Naruto."

"... yeah, I can picture that," Naruto murmured.

"But we don't go as far as you two do in the conflict," Anko noted. "Different doesn't mean mortal enemy. It does mean that you may need to work at getting along."

"Sensei... what about Sasuke-kun...?" Sakura said, not liking how small and girl like it sounded.

Anko gave her a thoughtful look. "Sakura, if I were to trust your academy files, roughly half of your teachers and over three quarters of Naruto's were convinced you shouldn't be here. So if and when Sasuke gets his head straight enough I'm not wondering how long it will take him to get himself killed with his attitude, I'll give him the same fair shake I'm giving you two."

"... half my teachers said I shouldn't be a nin...?" Sakura queried, grimacing.

"Perhaps your sensei should entertain the notion they were right."

As suddenly as Neji's comment had come, a knife had buried itself in the table in front of him, driving right through his teacup without shattering the vessel..

"Perhaps you should leave such evaluations to the sensei, Genin Hyuuga," Genta said from where he was expertly slicing tuna into fatty and lean slices.

Sakura couldn't help it. She leaned to her right and down, and saw the tip of the knife sticking out the other side of the thin tabletop. She looked up slightly to see Naruto checking as well.

"Umemori-san," Sakura asked, "Are you a nin...?"

"Mm? Oh, no, no. I'm from Tetsu, as I said," Genta said, smiling as he looked up from his work. "I'm a Samurai. Bushi. I think that's roughly akin to a chuunin?"

Neji was still blinking at the knife, Sakura noticed as she sat up.

##

###  **1200 h. Gankai-nin Isobe. Glasses for the Active Nin**

"Tell me about Obito," Sasuke asked. "I know you made his goggles. Please, Isobe-sensei."

The specialist inin blinked at Sasuke, then slowly sat down in his chair. He gestured to the nearby chair for consulting customers. "Please, sit, Sasuke-kun," Isobe Eitoku said.

Well. That, oddly, made him feel more respected than the "Uchiha-sama" he had gotten on arrival. Sasuke had come to the inin's office just as the man was closing for lunch. He had forced himself to be unfailingly polite-- mainly by reminding himself how the optician likely valued his time no less than he did.

And now, here he was, getting what he wanted-- by respecting the wants and needs of others. Never mind something as nebulous as humanity, that was just sound tactics.

Sasuke sat in the offered chair.

"If you don't mind, what brings you to ask?" Isobe asked, eyes surprisingly gentle as he opened his bento and held it out, offering one of the onigiri in the top compartment.

Sasuke took the offered food and took a slow, measured breath. "I'm... trying to understand my clan better. I've been told Obito was one of the few in it that people truly respected, alongside my mother and..." he swallowed, but the lump that stopped him from speaking persisted.

"There is a reason your brother's act was such a shock," Isobe agreed. "No offence to you, Sasuke-kun, but some of your clansmen... often, a nin picks up eccentricities as they get more skilled. But there is a difference between that and insanity. If your father had not been shielding them... I am sure half the Keimu Butai would have been subject to psychological evaluations and most of them suspended."

"Half..." Sasuke murmured, pausing between bites of rice ball.

"Perhaps I overestimate," Isobe offered.

"You have not offended me," Sasuke said. He wanted the man's honesty, even if it would not be polite. "I'm just... I was a child then, and now I am attempting to pass my sensei's genin test."

The eye doctor smirked. "Ah, yes. Surprised you, did it?"

Sasuke shrugged. "I have a second chance in seven days. She did... I'm told it was a bare standard ANBU head check."

The doctor nodded knowingly. At Sasuke's frown, he smiled and rolled up his left sleeve. The purple tattoo that was revealed said much. "Some of us do live long enough to retire," said the rest. "I failed that first time my friend hit me with it. And my friend now heads up T&I, he takes mental stability very seriously. Nearly lost my nin status before I got my head on straight. But you wanted to hear about Obito..." The man sighed. "Many in and out of your clan looked down on him. Some even tried to get Minato-sama to drop him as a student.

Sasuke sighed. "Mother always spoke fondly of him. Father... well, my father made a point of treating me like an afterthought." It hurt to admit, but it was the truth. "So I don't know what he thought. But to some of my aunts, uncles, and cousins... his name was practically an insult."

Isobe leaned forward. "Sasuke, do you understand exactly what happens when a Sharingan activates? Because the fact those goggles I made Obito were perscription was a secret-- an open one, but something not talked about."

Sasuke thought a moment. "I know clan lore has it that it grants near perfect vision. I always thought that odd; mother had an active Sharingan, but she wore reading glasses."

Isobe sighed. "That's half the problem. I need to treat a Byakugan holder, I have reams of medical information developed through studies and case histories. Your clan... has never let any inin really dig into how your eyes work. They've claimed clan secrets, and how they don't trust an institution backed by whatever clan they've decided to oppose this generation."

"... so Obito was breaking taboo, coming to you."

"I was amazed the boy was as good at target shots as he was. That boy was nearsighted, almost legally blind."

Sasuke frowned. "Was that abnormal? I mean, I had the impression in general our eyesight tends to be rather excellent."

"But that's the thing, Sasuke. We don't know. How many of your clan mates were too afraid to come forward with such issues? Are there vision issues unique to the Sharingan? I can't even tell you how a healthy active single tomoe should look, let alone a fully active eye!"

Sasuke thought about it a moment, and winced. "Half my father's generation could have had malfunctioning eyes, or a mutation that could be nurtured for something new and amazing, and we'd never have known."

"Exactly," Isobe agreed.

"Ways in which I must stop my clan being dumb, number one. Care to take another look at a pre-Sharingan eye?"

Isobe slowly smiled. "I'm free after lunch."

##

###  **1230 h. Office of the Professor.**

Chiaki stepped up to stand by his Kage at the window overlooking the academy.

The Hokage's office shared a complex with the Academy for one simple reason-- it was one of the most defensible spots in Konoha. Many took it as a subtle statement by the Nidaime Hokage who commissioned the complex that the future of Konoha was as important as the village's current ruler.

There was also that fact that attacking a Kage in his own village-- hell, even the oyabun of a lesser villager on his home turf-- was seen by any sane person as the height of folly. Attacking the Academy, this layout suggested, would be taken as an attack on the Hokage.

Nevermind that this would be the case for every damn Hokage, from the First to the Fourth.

Chiaki cocked his head to one side. "Well, he isn't killing him."

The Hokage chuckled. "Kakashi's a good boy, he'll follow orders."

"What did the idiot do?"

"Sato saw fit to ignore a child getting beaten by three of his classmates."

Chiaki nodded. "Well, Kakashi seems to be getting a handle on things."

"Chiaki."

Chiaki blinked. "Er, sir?"

"Send Kakashi... the rest of It."

The adjutant's eyes went wide. "Hokage-sama... are you sure...?"

"I remember a certain jounin laughing about It. He has yet to master the art of managing It. Let him face... It."

Chiaki gulped, went to the door, and stuck his head out.

"Hinako," he signaled the Hokage's receptionist.

The young Yamanaka smiled at her co-worker. "Yes, Chiaki?"

"The Hokage is Opening the Academy Flood Gates."

Hinako's eyes grew wide. "So... soon?"

"That is our Kage's order," Chiaki said firmly.

Hinako swallowed. "I'll contact the parties responsible for It."

##

###  **1250 h. The Academy. And oh, here comes the flood.**

Kakashi stared at his new desk.

Iruka stood beside him, gibbering.

"Deep breaths, Iruka," Kakashi said. "I promise, I will not shove it all on you."

"It's not that," his newly dubbed assistant managed. "It's... just... I've never seen so much at once!"

"Deep breaths, Umino!" Kakashi said, shaking him.

Iruka forced himself to take several. "Okay. Okay. Sweet Leaf, is this what the Hokage and his Advisors would argue over whose turn it was to handle?"

Kakashi sighed. "Yes. And I used to laugh at them."

Iruka nodded. "Yeah... this part is punishment."

The two men looked at each other.

"How's your Kage Bunshin?" Kakashi asked.

"I can manage a few. Prioritize and pass off what we can?"

"Problem is, I'm not sure I trust anyone but you enough to handle it..."

And so Kakashi stared at his desk.

What little he could see of it under the mountains of paperwork.


	4. 4

###  **1300 h. A Certain Nintastic Training Ground.**

"Will we have to write a test later...?" Naruto asked warily, as Team Gai departed for a mission.

"Oh, no. You won't need to make tests for others until chuunin, at least," Anko said. At the boy's scowl, she smirked and patted his head. "I get the feeling besides not testing well, you associate tests with being kicked in the nads, metaphorically and otherwise," Anko assured him, mentally cursing several Academy staffers. If the chuunin-sensei had done their jobs... well, her students would still have issues but they'd be a damn sight easier to deal with. "So... no."

"... okay. What are we doing, then?"

Anko opened up a book. "This is the Konoha Reg Book. The Nin Code. Used to be called the Shinobi code, until the Sandaime's student raised a fuss. This is the standard we hold ourselves to, Kiddies. And that means more than quoting it backwards and forwards-- it means understanding what those words mean, and why we have that reg."

"Oh, okay. Like why we have rules about how to deal with other villages that allow rape."

Sakura's mouth tightened. "The fact that we need that policy... what was it, the battle against the Iron Hat Pirate fleet?"

Naruto nodded. "Us and Kiri. Kami, strange bedfellows even before they went batshit on their kekkei genkai clans. But the Strawhats were on the Blue, and our navy has always been kinda thin. We had our own codes on not forcing the issue, but we needed clear codes on what to do when allies did it. Mainly so the bastards would know we'd likely toast them when the time comes."

Anko smiled slightly. Seemed she had a couple of history buffs on her hands. "Another example of a code section and its source?"

"Well, there's that whole chunk of the regulations that's basically 'Civilians are not in the chain of command, idiots,'" Sakura said. "It gets added to anytime some merchant or council member thinks they've found a loophole. That usually results in them dead, anyway, but what was it the Shodai said in the second amendment to the 'Military and Civilian Separation Code'?"

"'Add reminders for the bastards as needed,' Naruto snickered. "They like to portray the First as the 'kind' brother and the Second as this great stoic, but Hashirama could be really acidic and Tobirama... Jiji's told me more than once how his sensei's dry wit could make even the Hyuuga chortle."

"And the Hyuuga don't," Sakura agreed, and the three laughed.

"Okay, so..." Anko said, holding out a pair of books to them. "This is our current Shinobi Code. It's updated once a year, and you'll get papers reflecting the updates. I buy a new one whenever the stack of papers is higher than half the book when you set it flat on a desk."

"First one's free?" Naruto asked.

"A-yup, as are the loose leaf updates. Now these are a different story, book wise," Anko said, pulling out two more books from the seal she had woven into her mesh shirt in the crevice of her cleavage.

It was an interesting conversation starter, if nothing else.

"Sakura, you've got great chakra control and excellent chops for close combat when you let yourself. I could see you as an inin... but even more, you remind me of Kurenai-chan. She's one of my best friends, amazingly tough in combat... and so good at genjutsu, she doesn't have a nickname."

The two blinked at her, and then Naruto grinned. "Wow, so no one alive can say she did shite to them?"

Anko nodded. "And in the village, we just respect her too much to spoil it. A lot of people think we have a dedicated corps of genjutsu masters based solely on the few things she's done that are linked to genjutsu and us. And! She was pretty much promoted to train the team she has. Kurenai-chan's been so busy being Awesome, she hadn't slowed down for review."

"Wait, this is Hinata, Shino, and Kiba's sensei?" Sakura realized. Anko grinned. She was beginning to really love the look of wonder her minions got at times.

"She's practically an honorary member of all of her student's clans, because the other thing she's good at is tracking. More than that, at co-ordinating trackers. Tsume-sama has called her in when she and the other oinin can't quite put a full picture together, and she'll sort it out so we can get our man. And this... is one of her favourite books from when she was training herself to be Awesome."

" _The Mind and Other Senses_ , by Kurama Unkai. Kurama? The clan whose genjutsu are so good, the Uchiha respected it?"

Anko nodded. "The clan heiress, Yakumo, is the writer's niece. Another friend of mine. Mastered the downside of her Kekkei Genkai at age seven. I'll introduce her to you. Anyways, go through that, see if it grabs you, okay?"

Sakura took the book with interest gleaming on her face. "Thank you, sensei!"

Anko smiled back, and then turned to Naruto. "Here," she said, passing him the other book.

Naruto frowned and read the gold letters on blue aloud. " _F_ _undamentals of Ninjutsu: A Guide to Mastery, Alteration, and Creation_ by S. Hiru-- OH MY GOD JII-JII WROTE AN AWESOME BOOK ABOUT NINJUTSU I AM SO GONNA READ THIS FUCKER!"

"It's not an easy book," Anko warned him. "I mean, you'll understand it easy, but the exercises--"

"Mastered Kage Bunshin in one night," Naruto deadpanned.

"A convincing argument, Sensei," Sakura agreed.

"Okay, right, you're the one not scared of hard work. But let me put it this way. Open it to page 15."

Naruto did so, looked at the page, and blinked. "There are 64 recognized sets of handseals?"

"Wait, really?" Sakura said blinking. "I mean, I know the Zodiac seals they teach in Academy, and Ino's mom showed me the weekday seals..."

"Sakura, there's sixteen sets alone that are made to be simplified into seals from the other sets just so you can fine tune a ninjutsu you're developing!"

"... wow. The Hokage really is the Professor," Sakura managed. "Knowing all that, I mean."

"The man will be declared a Kami on death," Naruto agreed. "Oh wait no that's right he already has been. Whoa. The first exercise here is to pick one of henge, kawarimi, or bunshin and practice using the seals from the development sets to use them. All three use over three dozen signs in that form!"

"...the kawarimi we learned in Academy is Tiger, Boar, Ox, Dog, Snake. Five signs," Sakura said.

"Which is practical for combat, but doesn't let you learn every little detail of chakra flow," Anko said.

"Oi, Sensei, what does it mean my Kage Bunshin will help with this exercise?"

Anko blinked. The brat hadn't realized... didn't know...?

Or had he, like many an eager student, focused on the practical and assumed mastery? _I make the handseals, it works, see?_

"Kaa!" Anko said, the motions to summon second nature at this point.

"Yesss, oh sweet Anko-chan who all sane snakes adore and love like a sister?" the appearing python said.

"Silver tongued bastard," Anko said affectionately.

"YIPE!" said the minions.

"Kaa, meet-- Naruto, you can put Sakura down now-- meet my students, Haruno Sakura and Uzumaki Naruto. Sakura, Kaa is no slouch with genjutsu, so if you develop that skill he can help you."

"Charmed," the python drawled earnestly.

"Kaa, can you track down Kakashi-nii for me?" Anko asked. "Naruto needs a tutorial on something, and he's best at it."

The python stuck his tongue out a few times and then snorted. "I have his taste, and the taste of the wailing and lamentations of those who have pissed him off."

"Yeah, that's him," Naruto said.

"It's why we love him," Anko agreed.

##

###  **1320 h. Academy.**

"And here he be," Kaa drawled. "So, yeah, try adding the chromatic elements near the end for a sharper effect."

"I always wondered why my firecrackers were so dull. Thanks, Kaa!" Naruto said.

"Happy to do it. If you'll excuse me, I've got a rat in the oven." At the look the genin gave him, he sighed. "A non-sapient prey animal, not a fellow summon," he explained, and puffed away, muttering something about someone named Mandy or something. Naruto shrugged and on noticing they were back at the Academy, looked over to the tree where a familiar tire swing hung.

It was occupied. Naruto blinked as recognition set in.

"Oi. Nee-sensei," Naruto said, stopping to stare dumbfounded at the Academy Training Yard. "That's Kakashi-nii there on the swing, right?"

"Is he reading Icha Icha?" Anko asked with a smirk.

"Violence, going by the cover," Sakura murmured. "Not the best volume."

"The lead female's too tsun and not enough dere," Naruto agreed.

"That's him, alright," Anko agreed.

Naruto looked up at her. "Why is he bossing around Iruka-nii and the other academy-sensei while pulling his 'Are you sure I'm not plotting your death behind this book' bit?"

Sensei smirked. "You need to understand, to the world at large, that isn't 'Naruto's Awesome Nii-san'. That's Sharingan Hatake Kakashi. He's one of our most respected Jounin. He was a student of the Yondaime, and he is Gai's 'Eternal Rival' and best friend. He's helped more nin transition from chuunin to jounin and from jounin to special postings than anyone in recent memory besides the Hokage and his advisers. He's famous for never leaving a man behind--"

"That's Man-Down Hatake?" Sakura said, blinking. "And... is that his dog?"

Naruto looked where Sakura was pointing, and found his gaze fixing on the small tan-coloured dog in a blue vest laying lazily under the tree. The little mutt seemed to keep the same half interested eye on the exercising chuunin. As Nee-sensei explained that 'Bisuke' was no mere dog, but a member of a ninken pack, Naruto knelt by the rail and post fence that separated the school's training area from the street.

"Bisuke," he said, really trying to pin down a memory more than anything. The dog perked up, and turned toward him. It cocked its head, as if puzzled, then rose to turn and face where they stood about a meter away. It (he, part of Naruto's brain supplied) trotted over, brown highlighted lop ears swinging slightly. As he got closer, Naruto noticed the character for "shinobi" on his forehead above his dark-ringed eyes. The dog closed on the hand Naruto instinctively offered and Bisuke sniffed at it, then set about licking it thoroughly, before scrambling into his lap.

"Hey, kid," the dog said, and that gentle alto took him back to afternoons surrounded by a dog pile and playing and hearing stories about Hound-nii.

"Hey, Biscuit," was the automatic reply.

The dog sighed. "I ain't no Ghaul cookie, it's Bisuke. Brat."

"What's with the heno-heno-moheji on the vest?" Sakura wondered, allowing Bisuke to sniff her hand before joining Naruto in petting the little ninken.

"His chop," Naruto murmured, mind finally resolving memory as he looked up and found himself meeting an exposed eye. The skin around the eye contorted, and his mind filled in the rest of his face, the 'crazy eye' hiding under the headband, the firm and narrow chin and jawline... "That's... Kakashi-nii's chop stamp."

"It's another nickname of his," Bisuke said. "Oh, yeah, right by the ears, little lady-- some call him Scarecrow."

_A faded memory, of a voice from years before. “Just remember your manners, if you ever see me out there. My name here is not my name there.”_

"You know him, right Naruto?" Sakura wondered.

Naruto felt warm as Hatake nodded. Nodded. The go ahead to share knowing him.

"Yeah. The old man posted him to help take care of me a lot, before I was old enough for the orphanage."

"Don't they... take care of babies at the orphanages here in town?"

Naruto met her eyes. "Not like me."

##

"Damn it, what's with the evaluation? I just had one!"

"He's paying more attention to the Dead Last, the Fan Fan girl, and the Hebi-bitchu than us."

Kakashi's stunning intellect easily translated this to, _I am so stupid, unless you correct me now I shall end up punching myself in the groin._

"Oh?" Kakashi drawled, sliding out of the swing and sauntering away from the tree in one smooth motion while allowing a slight touch of shock into his voice. "Uzumaki Naruto? Dead last? Is that what you said, Youko-san?"

The two Academy-sensei who had been quietly griping to each other seemed to develop a case of the sweats. "Uh, that is," the shorter female with the blue-black hair said. Sakurada Youko looked to the taller Jin Souji for help.

"I assume it must be him, as you rather pointedly indicated the others with gender. And please don't call Anko-kun Snake Bitch. If you must insult her, don't resort to loan words from Kells-- it's like you're smacking my kouhai, my sensei, and a dear family friend at the same time. Naruto. Dead Last? Really? The boy I personally tutored before Academy?"

"I-- that is, Taicho-- ah..."

Kakashi turned the man to Youko's left. "Souji? Help her out?"

"Well, given his performance in class..."

Kakashi walked over to the fence. "Bisuke." The dog slipped off Naruto's lap and trotted over to him. "Uzumaki-kun."

Naruto stood, and flashed a grin that was all Naruto-- if it called anyone to mind, it was the Pirate King Monkey D. Luffy. "Yosh, Kakashi-nii! How may I assist you this most Youthful and Awesome day? And why are you wearing that Cool and Hip mask?"

With a sigh, he reached out and ruffled the younger nin's hair. "Yeah... you just came from Gai." The grin impossibly broadened. "Mind me borrowing your minion, Anko-kun?"

"Is he going to be embarrassed, Nii-san?"

"Hell no, the bulk of the teaching staff is."

"Oh. Continue. If it uses his new bunshin, even better. He needs some tips."

"Oh?" Kakashi lifted up the blond nin and hauled him over to stand in front of his staff. His staff. Heh. "Iruka-kun. How many Kage Bunshin can you manage, again?"

Iruka somehow managed to keep to a smirk. "Why, four boss."

"Suzume?"

"One. A sickly one."

"Youko? Souji?"

"... I am not cleared for the Kage Bunshin," Souji admitted.

"My only attempt when the Hokage offered put me in hospital," Youko said, blushing.

"Ah. For the record, I can manage 100," Kakashi said. "Now, who here knows the exact reason Kage Bunshin is an S-Class kinjutsu?"

"Doesn't it split your chakra evenly--" a voice to his left began, but the Scarecrow held a hand up and didn't even deign to look at the speaker.

"Someone who's read their Hikakari Niiru, please."

"The historian with a column in the paper...?" Someone murmured.

Kakashi looked up at someone he knew would have the answer. "Yes. Iruka-kun."

Iruka stepped forward slightly and bowed. "Boss-sama! A single Kage Bunshin requires as much chakra as a jutsu ranked 'A' to form. Each additional clone adds roughly 20% to the amount of Chakra used per batch to an average maximum of nine clones. Average, Naruto. Tajuu Kage Bunshin, which produces clones that are weaker yet has no upper limit of number per use, could be said to scale similarly per clone if the base jutsu was a 'B' Rank."

"Mm," Kakashi agreed. "Anyone hazard to guess why Youko was hospitalized after her try at the jutsu?"

"Chakra stroke," Suzume said with a sigh.

"Chakra stroke...?" Naruto murmured.

"Using too much chakra at once can make you dizzy and weak," Suzume explained, looking horrified. "I remember when Mom came home from a mission recovering from it. Really bad cases, or just using too much chakra over a brief time can lead to chakra exhaustion."

"Running on farts until you fart out," Kakashi explained for the lost looking Naruto.

"Oh."

Kakashi nodded solemnly, then smiled and backed up. "Naruto, make 200 Kage Bunshin. Surround your old teachers, so everyone gets a look."

The grin turned unbelievably devious... if one had not known the boy's parents. " **Kage Bunshin**!"

Exclamations of shock came from the teachers, and one or two protests and cries of "Abuse!" as clones were prodded.

"Now, Naruto... you've been taking your pills, yes?"

Naruto avoided his eyes. "Like you have to ask, Nii-san!"

Kakashi made a mental note of the slight evasion. Naruto didn't notice, but the mention of his required medicine hit many of the chuunin just as hard as the Kage Bunshin. Apparently, Suzume, Mako, and Iruka were the only ones to understand they had been teaching a true Uzumaki.

"Mm. Naruto... let us imagine that we have summoned you here because we need to ambush a group of nukenin. They are rather close--"

"Henge." And with no smoke, the clearing was filled with trees, rocks, and one vending machine beside Iruka.

Naruto rubbed his temples as he hung his head. "Iruka-sensei, would you mind? Every once and a while, one acts up--"

The clone shifted back to Naruto's form and saluted. "I regret, I have but one hit to give my hidden vill--"

Iruka's fist came down on the clone hard. He shook his hand out. "It's a really solid hit, mind."

"Ow," Naruto said, jerking his head up, then blinked. "Hey, wait--"

"But, Boss...?" Iruka wondered.

"Yes...?" Kakashi drawled.

"Isn't 100 your limit with Tajuu Kage Bunshin?"

Kakashi snorted. "Fuck, Iruka, we need room to actually move."

"So the brat has a lot of chakra--" Souji began.

"Naruto, he's got less control than Ebisu," Kakashi advised.

" **Oiroke no Jutsu: Beach Bunny**!" And suddenly Souji was faced with a tall blonde vision in a rather nice bikini.

"Ohaiyo... Souji-kun," the vision said, and blew him a kiss with a wink.

The blood jet that toppled Souji was epic, and several of the chuunin turned to prevent or deal with nosebleeds. There was also a rather interesting "Eeep!" from somewhere in the group.

"And that," Naruto growled, hands on 'her' hips, "is for bragging about your vacation to Foosha. 'Birthplace of the Pirate King,' big whoop." 'She' glanced at Youko, who was twitching rather fearfully. The henged nin looked at the woman, then at her fallen friend. A light seemed to go on. "You don't mean-- you're the 'hot company who was open to both sides', Youko-sensei?"

"Oh, yes," Suzume said with a small, evil grin. "Rubbed it in my face. Every chance she got. Sometimes while trying to make my Ebi-kun flirt with her..."

"... you and Shades. Huh," Naruto mused. "I can see it." The young henged nin then gained an evil grin of 'her' own as several of the clones dropped their henge. The shared foxy grin made Youko take a step back. "If you and he share similar tastes, you might want to look away..."

"Eto... Taicho--" Youko began, only to find Kakashi's face buried in a cover with the word 'Love' and more that his left palm discreetly covered.

"Huh, I do suppose that is the only honourable thing to do when you accidentally drug a lover with an aphrodisiac..." the Copy-Nin said, right forefinger tapping his mask thoughtfully.

" **Harem no Jutsu: Mixed Beach Volleyball Team**!"

Youko's lip trembled at the sight of the hard bodies and beach bunnies. She held up until a rather busty red-head draped herself on the academy-sensei's arm and a statuesque blond dude with a volley ball in hand leaned over to her ear. There was more head turning, many more hankies were pulled from sleeves, and that amusing "Eeep!" again.

"So, how about a game, Youko-chan?" the red-head squeaked.

The blond smirked as the sensei's gaze rolled over to him. "We'll even let you pick your team first... in full..."

Youko really had no hope after that.

Naruto's clones puffed away, and he henged to normal-- smoke included this time. "Sigh. Shady-sensei and Jii-jii at least tried to stay composed."

Kakashi ruffled his hair again, then turned to his erstwhile staff, raised his eyebrows (okay, so they only saw one-- both went up) and considered the teachers.

Most of the chuunin swallowed and kept silent. Iruka was suppressing his smugness rather well. Suzume was scrubbing at the blood from her nose, obviously at Freak Out Level One. Kakashi once again wondered if Ebisu had cleaned up his act or Suzume liked cleaning up after him.

"Hm. maybe if this evaluation turns out poorly, Suzume-- Su-chan, you got all the blood, scrubbing more will just lead to bleeding-- Suzume, if this evaluation turns out badly, I may need to call in a favour from your husband for... remedial training."

The conscious chuunin blinked.

"'Basics Kill' Ebisu?'" a panicked voice asked.

"... 'Basics Kill'?" Sakura said, having slid over because it was where all the cool shite was happening. "How'd he get that name, Hatake-sama?"

"Three things. One, Hatake-san is fine if you must. Two, you've got a bit of a..." He gestured on his own face under his covered nose.

"What? What-- Oh!" Sakura declared, even as she covered her face and caught a clean hanky from Mako. "Damn, that's effective..."

"Indeed. Third, your question... well, it's one of two reasons. It's either because you'll learn the basics from him or die trying..."

There were several gulps.

"Or because Ebisu has killed someone with every. Single. One. Of the Academy Three and the Camping Jutsu, either directly or as a key element of the kill. And most of the D Class jutsu, come to think of it."

The two young nin blinked. "Even... even Jin'ei Hikari no Jutsu?" Naruto managed.

"Ah, the Lamplight Kill. Poetry. I was there. I think maybe we need the master teacher to teach our teachers to teach."

"Oi, Taicho," one of the sensei said. "You're... kidding, right?"

"... Mah, you're right."

Relieved sighs.

"Not enough."

Gasps of disbelief.

"Him and... y'know, dear old Gai still owes me a favour for agreeing to no more coin toss challenges, I think..."

"The Great Youthful Green Beast..." another voice moaned.

"Oi!" Naruto grumped. "No fair! Gai-sensei's ours!"

"Well, actually, Naruto..." his pink-haired teammate piped up, "he's Team Punishment's, we just borrow him..."

"He teaches us, he's our sensei!"

"Well, I suppose you're right," Sakura allowed.

"'Course I am," Naruto said with a victorious smirk.

"But officially, he's Team 13's sensei," she added.

"Oi!"

"Act-ually, minions--"

Sakura went board-stiff as a hand rested on her shoulder.

"--I think we can all agree--"

Naruto gave his own amusing "Gah!" as a hand appeared on his own shoulder.

And then their sensei appeared between them, smiling her best 'doom comes for thee' smile. "-- Maito Gai, first and foremost, belongs to me~!"

"Y-Yes, Anko-sensei!" the two students agreed hastily.

Kakashi unsealed a scroll. "Naruto! Catch!" The genin did so. "That'll explain why you felt pain after Iruka's hit. I was... holding on to it for you."

Naruto's grin... what human could see a monster behind that smile? "Thanks, Kakashi-nii!"

"Oh look," Anko said, glancing at her bare wrist. "We're going to be late for the thing!"

"Oh, dear. That won't do, will it Naruto?" Sakura said far too evenly.

Hand on his neck, the blond gave a weak grin as he stuffed the scroll in a pocket. "Heh. N-no. Probably not. Sensei, where's the-- thing?"

Anko's grin got scarier. Several chuunin whimpered and-- yes, yes, one wet himself.

"No time to explain, need to take the easy route!"

"Easy--" Naruto began.

"Oi, Nee-sensei!" Naruto moaned, finding himself once again tied up. "Did you have to bind us face to face? I'm getting fan girl breath all up in my sinuses, and the rope won't let me turn away!"

"Uh, Naruto...?" Sakura managed.

"What?" Naruto barked.

"This isn't a rope."

"What?"

"It's a... python reticulatus."

"A reticul-what-- wait, I know python, that's a type of-- s-s-s--"

"SNAKE!" the two young nin cried, somehow managing to clutch each other despite the tight confines as said s-s-s-snake's head bobbed into view.

"Don't worry, Min-nins!" the python said genially. "Kageko is a good snake. She'll only squeeze as hard as mistress Anko says! And Kaa-nii likes you, so Kageko will try to be extra gentle!"

"We're doomed," Naruto whimpered.

"Naruto, I've never admitted this, but I've always thought your pranks were Awesome," Sakura confessed.

Naruto sniffed and smiled at her. "I've always envied your eidetic recallllllll oh kami with the running and the not keeping us stable Nee-sensei!"

"Sensei, have mercy--" Sakura yowled, "--oh, sweet ancestors preserve me, she's going to the roofs!"

"WE'RE TOO YOUNG TO DIE!" the two cried.

"FUFUFUFU! TEAM ANKO IS BLASTING OFF AGAAAAIIIIN!"

Kakashi snorted and turned to his staff, amusement evident in his voice. "A working Genin team is so beautiful. Say... maybe I should just ask Anko for help with--"

Oh, such glorious panic and pleading!

##

###  **1430 h. Hashirama Memorial Park. Home of the Konoha Heroes Monument.**

"Youthful Genin!" Gai said, appearing as if by magic just when even Sakura was tiring of book learning.

"Gai-sensei!" the two chorused.

"Anko-koi," Gai added, more sedately.

"My Great Green Beast," she purred back.

"Is that what you call it?" Sakura murmured, then noticed Naruto was holding up a card. "Just a two? Really?"

"It was kinda obvious," Naruto explained.

"Eh, guess so. So, where’s your team, Gai-sensei?"

Gai's face grew stern. "Neji's general attitude was a little too..."

"Cool and Hip?" Naruto wagered, letting the scorecard fade in a puff of smoke.

"Dickish," Gai corrected.

"Ah," Naruto said.

"So I decided to allow my team to test their youth... against Tora."

"SHIT! That thing's still alive?" Naruto gasped, clutching Anko's arm.

"The cat that other cats drive out of Konoha's cat houses?" Sakura said, her voice weak and scared.

"The Inuzuka ninken help them!" Naruto said. "Inuzuka ninken! Helping domestic cats! Catching it is a C-Rank?"

"D," Anko corrected, disbelief in her voice.

Sakura blinked. "When did the world go mad, and why did I not notice?"

Gai sighed. "Apparently-- hold your Youth, Naruto-- apparently, the Hokage believes its forebearer, owned by the Shodai's wife, was worse."

The two genin blinked.

"It is what our Hokage has said," Gai said with a shrug.

Sakura slowly turned to Naruto. "Could... Utatane-sama and Mitokado-sama get him in for a psyche check up...?"

"I fear even his former team mates cannot curb Jii-jii's madness," Naruto said solemnly. "I'll hit him with my perv buster, we'll pray they can carry him to the Yamanaka mind healers in time."

"He'll be expecting it this time," Anko said, shaking her head.

"Damn it, Nee-sensei, it's our only hope! I'm not getting stuck on Tora working off D Ranks!"

"Oh, the Hokage is hoping you can skip D Ranks," Anko noted cheerfully.

"Oh, really? Nevermind then," Naruto said just as happily.

"Naruto! What about the other teams?" Sakura asked.

"Fuck 'em," Naruto said blithely.

Sakura pouted. "Even poor, sweet, Hinata?"

Anko looked at Naruto. Naruto looked at Anko.

"She doesn't know...?" Naruto asked.

##

"Oh, sorry, Tora-chan. It's not our job to catch you today. You need to go with Neji--"

The cat in Hinata's arms practically flew in the rough direction of away.

"LEE!" Tenten called. "DODGE!"

The taijutsu prodigy barely had time to get out of the way.

"Neji-nii--"

Neji held up one silencing finger. "No. Hinata. This, of all things... is not your fault-- OH HACHIMAN IT'S GETTING INTO THE FISH MARKET!"

"Why, Neko-chan, you're not supposed to be OH DEAR SWEET SHODAI IT'S TORA!"

As the merchants and civilians panicked, Team Eight sprang into action. "Neji, get the cat!" Kurenai ordered. "Team-- EVACUATION PROTOCOL TEN!"

"But I already had to catch the beast once today, why should I have to deal with anything that comes from its--" Kiba began to whine, then snapped to attention. "Oh, you fucking _cat_ don't you fucking _dare_ take that kid's herring! Shino! Stop humming and help damn it!"

##

"... really?" Sakura asked.

"I think it's because Hinata can be scarier than any other nin in our year," Naruto said.

"Hinata's... a sweetheart, Naruto..." Sakura said.

"Sure, sure. So's Tsume-nee's wolf. Until you poke him."

Sakura considered him. "You do know--"

"About her crush? Sure, but the feeling wasn't mutual. Well, to that degree," Naruto said. He blinked at Sakura's startled stare. "What? I'm supposed to be totally oblivious to it until years later after her anguished declaration of love makes me realize she's the one for me? Sakura, our lives aren't a shoujo manga."

"... shonen manga can have romance too," Sakura said weakly.

"Generally tacked on as an afterthought, because idiot boys can't stand romantic love! Our lives aren't a manga, period," Naruto said, waving his hand dismissively. "If it was, the mild annoyance with respect me and the bastard have would become some sort of badly written borderline homoerotic world-changing rivalry. The only part of which I object to, really, is the badly written part. I don't have to carry out whatever subtext people see between me and any given person, and who doesn't want to change the world. But _badly written_? I'd almost wish my story was never told!"

"... where'd that soapbox come from...?"

"Same place as the scorecard earlier. Henged clone," Naruto said, stepping down and dispelling the construct. "Sorry, I have real problems with some cliches and sure as fuck wouldn't want to live them. I live too many of them as is. So. Gai-sensei. Gai-sensei. Nee-sensei, please stop kissing Gai-sensei's arm and praising him in Gaulic."

"Pardon moi-- oh, yes. Sorry," Anko said, composing herself. "My apologies, but in all Awesomeness... can you blame me?"

"... not really," Sakura agreed.

"... eh, not my type," Naruto said. "Gai-sensei. You were saying?"

"Mm. Ah, yes, sorry. I have gone over your spars with Ranma-sensei and Ranko-sama. I believe I have a good starting place for you both."

"Hey, hey, Gai-sensei," Naruto said. "What do you call the way you fight? It's not the stuff they taught in Academy."

"Ah, Naruto. The foundations that should be laid in Academy allow you to build into your own style. Mine for example is based in Konoha no Gouken. It was founded by Kobayashi Aki, an ancestor of mine and Rock Lee."

Sakura blinked. "Rock Lee's--"

"My cousin," Gai said. "His parents did not follow in my mother and uncle's footsteps, but Lee has chosen to become a splendid, Youthful nin of Konoha in the manner of many Rock before him. Our forbearer, Aki, codified the basics of Gouken during the reign of the Shodai while recovering from a pair of broken arms."

Sakura blinked. "Her arms were broken when she... wow. So... it's a Hard External Power Style?"

"A whosa whatsa?" Naruto asked.

"Good question," Anko said. "And Gai-kun is the perfect one to ask."

Gai's eyes lit up. "Hebi-chan! If your students do not understand enough about styles to begin building their own Youthful styles--"

Anko yanked the taijutsu master close and whispered in his ear.

Gai's blush was unstoppable. "Well, if you wish to take the, uh, most Youthful and Awesome reward route over, er, penalties," he managed, "I will not argue."

Sakura looked at Naruto. "I'd say they're corrupting us... but this is Konoha."

"We're actually getting prudish watching this," Naruto agreed.

Gai smiled and gestured them closer, grabbing a branch that had fallen off a nearby tree. Branches were always around here in the Leaf. He drew two intersecting lines in the shape of a plus sign. At the top of the up and down line, he wrote the Hi script for "internal". At the other end, "external". The horizontal line was marked "soft" to its left and "hard" to its right.

"Taijutsu is defined by its method and its focus," Gai said. "The more focused on raw physical power a style is, the more 'external' it is. The more focused on offence and overpowering, the 'harder' it is."

"So.. Gouken would be... here?" Naruto said, pointing to the bottom right corner of the little diagram. "And... that stuff Hinata, Neji-dick, Ranma-sama, Ranko-sama, and the other Hyuuga use, Juuken?" At Gai's nod, the boy looked thoughtful. He placed his finger on the left edge of the top left square, about halfway down toward the horizontal line.

"Very good, Naruto!" Gai said. "Many people miss that Juuken is not all sitting and waiting. If a good Juuken user sees an opening-- I was once on a mission with Neji's uncle-- Hinata's father. A Kumo nin we were facing had the bright idea to assume a reactive stance, forcing Hiashi-sama to act first. Hiashi's first blow paralyzed the un-Youthful fool's heart."

"Wow," Sakura murmured. "So... what about us?"

"Mm. Indeed. Understand, both of you-- a good taijutsu style is seldom 'pure'. I no more practise only those strikes taught in Gouken's kata any more than you two practice a pure 'academy' style, even now. But, as a starting point..." Gai considered Sakura. "Your attitude when you Youthfully immerse yourself in combat and excellent chakra control suggest a good base style would be Zoukyouken, as practised and perfected by the Slug Sannin Tsunade. It is a true internal style and also quite hard, with users augmenting their bodies for great offensive feats. However, I would be a fool not to capitalize on those Youthful legs of yours, and so will be rapidly folding kicks from several different styles into your training. As for weapons... an issue for tomorrow, I think."

"A Reinforced Fist master can look totally innocent and even weak," Anko said with smirk. "And will then punch their foe into the sky. Or maybe kick, in your case."

"Twinkle effect optional," Gai noted. "Many other styles benefit from Zoukyouken's focus on chakra control, so adding the Awesome kicks... trivial." Gai then considered Naruto, and his grin slowly grew. "For you... a style right here, on the inside corner of the Hard Internal square. A style both powerful and flowing, as suits your massive chakra and ability to... well. There is a rhythm to every battle, Naruto, and you seem to find it and force it into a new time signature."

"You fuck with expectations," Anko explained, and the orange-clad nin grinned.

"It comes from a sadly departed ally of Konoha called Uzushio. It was a wonderful village, and among its many gifts to the ninja's art was a taijutsu style I can see you mastering. We will of course add touches from outside, as with Sakura... but as a starting point... most Youthful."

There was a hint of mischief in Gai's eyes that seemed to infect Naruto. "What's it called, Gai-sensei?"

Gai's smile actually grew a bit nostalgic. "Rasenken."

Naruto's bottom lip jutted out thoughtfully. "Spiral fist," he mused. "It sounds... Awesome."

##

###  **1506 h. A point a short, nicely useful for surveillance distance from #35.**

"Not trusting me to do the job, Red Cat?" Bat asked as his fellow ANBU made her presence officially known.

"This is for my own curiosity," Red Cat said in turn, watching the two genin go through kata on the training ground below their treetop perch. She gave a little hum as Naruto grinned at Gai's correction, and then a pleased sigh as Naruto went through the movements again under Gai's approving gaze.

"Sixteen Attackers, Four Winds," she noted, recognizing the kata "The first of the fifteen basic kata."

"Must be interesting seeing someone else begin to learn your base style," Bat noted.

"It suits him. Kushina-nee would have taught him that, and Minato-sama would have helped him add in other influences."

Bat looked at Red Cat. "Yuugao-sempai," he began, knowing using his comrade's actual name while she was masked was not so much forbidden as highly rude, "I've often wondered--"

"His jijuu thinks it unwise to interact with him directly," Red Cat said flatly.

Bat considered the boy, who was asking Gai a question while varying his stance a little. Gai actually took the shift in footing a bit further, and then nodded approval. "You... do not believe Tani Sarubo has Naruto's best interests in mind...?"

"I do not think a strong minority of my clan has Naruto's best interest in mind. I think others assume it is a majority and do nothing."

"His own father's teammate," Bat said, in disbelief. "The Endless Assault does not care for the Yellow Flash's flesh and blood? Maybe abusing his power over Minato's money and house?"

"Tani-san is a bitter, self-interested shell of the man who fought beside the Fourth. Minato's other team mate is on the list, but Tani-san was first. Something may have to be done about that."

Bat sighed. "You'd like to be helping him learn."

"Of course," Red Cat said with a sniff that Bat politely ignored. "I am Uzumaki... do you think anything will keep me from my cousin?"

##

"They expect us to work, being so shameless in front of us," Sakura said with what Naruto was pretty sure was mock haughtiness.

"It's a test," Naruto stage whispered. "Any kid that grew up in the Leaf should be able to see a couple indulge in a little light nuzzling and not find it the least bit odd."

"Ah, so bog standard infiltrator check."

"Or maybe we're just in love and slightly horny," Anko murmured frankly from her perch in Gai's lap.

"That would explain sending Gai's team right back out after getting word Tora's escaped," Sakura agreed. "Still, it's not what they're doing. It's the... enthusiasm they're going at it with. I'd swear they're _trying_ to make as many suction sounds as possible."

"You're right there. Maybe we should go study in a cafe over some nice lattes." He frowned as she gave him a warning glare. "You can say no. Rot, Sakura, I wasn't even trying to suggest it's a 'date' that time."

And then Naruto, normally cheery and oblivious seeming ( _key word seeming, isn't it dearie?_ Inner Sakura chided) picked up his book and the scroll his nii-san gave him and moved a short distance away.

Part of her wanted to say something, but she wasn't sure what. That rejecting him romantically had never been a judgement on him as a person? Or rather, it had slid into being one? Or rather... she was as confused as he was right now?

"He's got a point," Anko said, suddenly beside her and looking puzzled. Well, that was... tolerable. Puzzled she could take. She really felt like disappointment would wreck her at the moment.

"Yeah, well... if 'no' actually worked, maybe I wouldn't jump so quick to hitting him!" Right after she said it, she winced at her own petulance and sighed. "I'm sorry, sensei, it's just--"

A gentle hand on her shoulder. "Well. I think I know what we're doing for dinner tonight."

Sakura looked up. Oddly, determination and compassion were not what she expected to see from her sensei right now. It felt right, like a need was being filled. When Anko looked down at her, she smiled.

Her sensei smiled back.

"Oh, and Pinkie... if you ever do go out for coffee? With cream. REAL, calorie-laden cream. Or else. And tea will be milk tea, and--"

Sakura palmed her face, half laughing. "Alright, Sensei!"


	5. 5

###  **1703 h. Pine Lane East Konoha Shopping Arcade.**

Sasuke adjusted the glasses he now wore on his face. The old ANBU turned inin had practically insisted on a check up for him, and not just a start at understanding his clan's eyes.

He had picked up the results just after lunch. The seal work to allow his own chakra to easily keep the glasses on his face ruled out the usual 'glasses in an hour' service. He also had a set of prescription goggles.

Apparently, his eyes focused at different rates-- lazy eye, Isobe-san had said. Though Sasuke was unclear which eye qualified as lazy. The inin had noted his eyes would adjust to the "curves" at the edge of his vision, and that the problem may actually correct itself over time or when he activated his doujutsu.

The eyes of his village were different this time, Sasuke realized. Some of them. There was the wariness from many, one that had been there since That Man had committed familicide. There was a bit of that upsetting distaste he had only begun to realize had been there for years. A sense of-- opportunism? Yes. Some eyed him like a general in Shogi about to be captured, or territory to take.

But every few people--

"Sasu-kun!"

Sasuke stopped and turned, only realizing he was sneering when he saw the saddened look on the speaker. Maehata Kuri. Owned the restaurant his... mother used to take him to.

"Sorry, Maehata-san," Sasuke said, bowing. "I was lost in my own thoughts and did not notice who was speaking."

The plump woman smiled tentatively. "You... look rather smart in those, Sasuke-san. Your cousin, Obito-- he wore goggles, but a few of us knew it was so no one in the clan could complain about glasses making an Uchiha look weak."

Sasuke managed a small smile, but inside cursed. This sweet woman, a friend of his mother's... he would not mind her being familiar. But if he asked her to, it would be even more awkward.

"Kuri-obasan," he heard himself say. "Do... you still serve the Dashi Tomatoes? With the four varieties from the Bungee and the soup and onigiri...?"

The woman's smile fully bloomed in her eyes. "Yes, yes! Come in! Come in, Sasu-kun!"

##

###  **1724 h. Meanwhile, in the Halls of Jus-- er, Hokage's office.**

"Hokage-sama."

"Kakashi."

"Did I truly deserve that... deluge you unleashed on me earlier today?"

"I seem to recall a certain jounin noting we should have a dedicated body to handle Academy paperwork."

"You sent me the last ten years worth to 'check over', Hokage-sama."

"We don't know how deep rooted the issues are. They may have started before Naruto and his classmates were born-- maybe we should go further back. Oh, and on your recommendation?"

"Yes?"

"Denied. Tora is a gentle kitten compared to Shiba back in the day."

"I have never thought you mad before, Hokage-sama."

"Suck it and grow up, bitch," Sarutobi said.

The fact he said it with all the grandfatherly gravitas he gave any order finally made both men crack up.

"All that said... do you see why I need you there?" Sarutobi said, and none of his seriousness was feigned this time.

Kakashi's exposed eye narrowed. "Some of what I see... Naruto can't be the only one to have suffered under that setup. I'm beginning to understand why I found so many teams you sent me... lacking. I am not denying I could have polished one or two into shape," he added, bowing to forestall his leader's comments, "but I truly believe this situation has put the last several years of Academy-sei on very bad footing for life as a ninja. The last few years have seen the concept of chakra zokusei stripped from the curriculum."

Sarutobi blinked. "We are sending nin out there who have no idea how to describe, let alone understand, the character of their chakra? The thing that will shape the manifestation of killing intent? That might let us know if any go beyond mere ki to haki?"

Kakashi's gaze didn't waver. "Hokage-sama, the last confirmed users of Haki in Konoha were Sensei... and Obito. We only started being able to look for the potential during Sensei's generation. It took years of work and the help of Tony-sensei to figure out how, but it was an edge. An edge that the current setup of the Academy seems primed to bury, along with teamwork and any number of other principles Konohagakure no Sato takes pride in."

The door to the hokage's office opened. Shimura Danzou, Mitokado Homura, and Utatane Koharu trooped in. Danzou carried a sitting cushion, which he placed before the Kage's desk. Hiruzen came around and sat on it. Homura set one of the two he carried down for Danzou and the other for himself. Koharu set one down for Kakashi and bade him to kneel with a gesture. She remained standing.

Kakashi did not miss the blank black mask Danzou set on his lap.

"Your preliminary findings please, Hosensei, and initial plan of attack," Danzou rumbled, unbinding a supposedly lame arm and revealing a complex set of seals. "Clear and concise, please. Koharu is meeting with her granddaughter tonight."

"Yes, Yomi-sama."

##

###  **1730 h. Emiya Industrial Park, 566 Ironoak Road.**

"Anko," the woman who opened the warehouse door said softly, reaching out and hugging their sensei. Naruto found it amusing how much Anko-nee-sensei blushed at this, but held himself to a smile.

The man beside her laid a hand on Anko's shoulder. "It has been far too long since we have seen you," he said.

"Only a week," Anko protested.

"Far too long. And apparently, word that you had been assigned genin was correct," the woman said, a note of pride in her voice.

"Though," the man question, "have you lost one?"

"He's carrying out a task," Anko said, smiling. "Minions! These are my dear friends, Yamada Kei and Yamada Kenji. Introduce yourselves!"

"Haruno Sakura, a pleasure!"

Naruto mimicked Sakura's bow and high hand clasp, or wai. He didn't know why Hi added the wai to an especially respectful bow, but if Sakura thought it was needed... "Uzumaki Naruto!" He righted himself, and caught a whiff of something. He had nothing on Kiba or any of his old "slackernin club" friend's clan, but he got by. Midway between normal and Inuzuka was still pretty exceptional. "Is... someone working a forge?"

Kei smirked. "How alert of you."

Kenji stepped aside, gesturing them in. "Indeed, one of our students maintains and repairs all our weapons and tools."

"I think she'll be rather pleased to see Uzumaki-san here, actually," Kei noted dryly.

Naruto's eyes narrowed, and then something tickled his memory-- the faint smell of wood orchids and sweat mingling with the forge's metallic tang.

Led through a maze of steel walls that looked like shipping crates, he grinned as he saw the fit young woman dunking a knife in water. Tempering, Naruto's mind supplied. The heavy apron and short shirt she wore were almost an exact replica of the ones her parents and smith-sensei used. The chuunin raised the protective goggles and hazel eyes studied the blade.

Matsushika Keiko looked every inch the tomboy even when not working metal-- black hair cut short and rendered spiked by untamed cowlicks, clothes you'd find on the men's rack, subtle ways of using Hi's dialect. Her choice in clothes and her wide, toothy grin screamed tomboy. Her exacting smith work would have put most professionals to shame.

Keiko was a tomboy. But it was not the standoffish tomboy some girls wore as a mask-- Keiko was who she was, and was settled with it.

All the people of Konoha, Naruto would defend. But if they were part of a select few-- the Hokage, Iruka, even (already!) Anko-nee-sensei-- who didn't ignore him as the village's uncomfortable fact of life... Naruto knew he would cherish them forever.

And the young women who passed the first time he failed, who had spent a good year walking him home and encouraging him (it had taken Keiko three tries to pass, like him!) and brought him a bright new orange outfit the next day... they were on the list. Though not just for the outfit.

Keiko nodded at the blade, then her eyes caught the twin blue eyes under the unruly blond hair held back only by a cloth band with a leaf symbol on it watching her in awe.

"Naruto-kun?"

"That's still amazing, Nee-kun, y'know?"

Nee-kun. It was odd, but suited her. Keiko placed the blade on a workbench along with tongs and hammer. One of the protective gloves was shucked, and Naruto grunted as a hand prodded his hitai-ate.

"Well. Look who's made genin, Gutsy-kun. Only took you a year more than me, too."

The Academy ran in six month sessions, Summer and Winter (not that Hi no Kuni really got Winter around Konoha). Anyone could start going at any point between the ages of ten and fourteen.

There were usually three classes starting at 24 to 36 students per class. Those could lose between a third to half their number to children changing their minds, injury, or expulsion. On average, a class settled on between 18 to 24 students by mid session.

Genin Exams were held every four weeks. You were allowed to take the Genin Exam once a session. Pass, and you got posted to a jounin-sensei (either a new team or to make up lost numbers), could seek out an apprenticeship, or joined the genin corps. Fail, and you either stayed for more training or dropped out.

Keiko had passed on her third try. Others took as many as six, though beyond that the chuunin sensei began counselling toward another course in life.

"Iruka-sensei gave me his, Keiko-kun!" Naruto said with pride.

The young woman smirked, taking off her other glove and apron and taking his hand. "Permission to embarrass my old kouhai?"

"Mm, not as amusing as us embarrassing you three," Kenji noted dryly.

"And embarrassing him is now Anko-san's job," Kei added, looking up at Sensei.

Keiko looked at Anko with narrowed eyes. "There's two of us that know him here. We'll tease him like proper o-nee-san."

"Oh, go ahead," Anko allowed. "Embarrassment is entertainment."

And Keiko was dragging the younger nin off. "The Gutsy One prevails!"

"Oi!" Naruto protested, as his sensei, his team mate, and the other two followed his half-airborne form. Keiko-kun could move when she wanted!

"Harumi! Naruto-kun not only finally passed," Keiko related as she entered the main room of the team's residence, "but Iruka-sensei gave him that hitai-ate."

Naruto did indeed blush at that, and the look the two sensei and third chuunin of Team Yamada gave him.

Harumi-chan's gleeful tackle didn't help.

The refined looking young woman-- well, Naruto still found Nakamura Harumi refined, even with the old kimono traded in for jeans and work blouse, and her shoulder length brown hair in a practical bun. He was engulfed in a hug that made him feel happy and safe right after Keiko's announcement. Then Harumi-chan started laying the cooing and the "oh, look at the genin" talk on thick, with Keiko providing snark. Somehow they managed to introduce Naruto to their laughing teammate in all this.

The third member of Team Yamada, a pink-eyed brown-haired Goroudoko who Naruto didn't know named Ryoutaro, had passed one of the exams during the second session Naruto had attended. He had replaced another who was a disappointment, according to the married couple that shared the post of sensei. Ryou-san was making Chai no Kuni style udon (a lesser form of noodle, but Naruto was not one to turn down food). He might not know Ryou-san, but he knew that the "Golden Hearted" clan was good as their name. He'd often been let into the most precious of Konoha's forests by the hereditary guardians, and Ryoutaro seemed cut from that cloth-- open hearted and steel willed.

As Naruto watched, he saw how easily things-- well, flowed between Team Yamada. Like the co-sensei who did not finish each other’s thoughts, but each had the next thought ready. The newly minted chuunin acted as if they'd been a team for decades-- Keiko using the unglazed bottom of the coffee cup Ryou offered to hone a pair of their scissors. Ryou having the scissors ready to cut the thread after Harumi tied it off. Everyone knew their place, and the three chuunin already had the air of jounin in waiting.

Here, he wasn't the dead last. He was "that little gutsy genin to be" Harumi and Keiko spoke of.

"So then, you finally managed a bunshin?" Kei asked.

"Harumi noted you always had the 'luck' to be tested on a weak area," Kenji noted, and he, his wife, and Anko-nee-sensei shared a look. Kei raised an eyebrow, and Sensei slowly nodded. Naruto found himself worrying his lip.

"Gutsy-kun?" Keiko prompted.

##

Sakura knew her eyes narrowed when Yamada Kenji had suggested Naruto had been targeted at a weak spot when being tested at the Academy. The more she looked at it, the less she liked how her teammate seemed to be Konoha's compost heap in some minds.

His reluctance to share exactly how he graduated was worrying too. It had something to do with Mizuki trying to kill Iruka-sensei, that much was clear.

"Orange-minion!" Anko said. "You can tell them. Just remember the big law. That's up to you."

 _Big law?_ Sakura wondered.

Naruto grinned, and began (with much hyperactive gesturing) telling the tale of Mizuki's deceit, of obtaining the Scroll of Sealing--

"Your perv buster actually made the Hokage pass out," Keiko deadpanned.

"Eh, half of it was he wasn't expecting a peep show when a teenage male brat was standing in front of him," Naruto said with a shrug.

Ryoutaro slowly nodded. "Makes sense."

When he got to the confrontation with Mizuki, he slowed down. When he got to the point where Mizuki taunted him with an S-class secret about Naruto himself, he stopped entirely and chewed his lip a moment.

"Naruto--" Sakura began.

"Haruno-chan, could you come help me with the tea?" Harumi asked.

"Er. Of course."

##

Nakamura Harumi's hazel eyes were downcast and hard as she selected tea to load into a large tea ball, even as Sakura filled the teapot the seamstress nin had indicated and activated the seal on it (rather beautifully etched into a decorative pattern on the pot) and waited a minute or so for it to flash before dumping out this first pot and filling it again.

"We need to get the seal that keeps it warm fixed," Harumi murmured.

The chuunin had an elegant bearing that slipped through. She no longer dressed the part, but Sakura could tell the young woman before her had once acted with the sort of social grace Sakura only dreamed of. The skill was there, the genin candidate realized-- but Harumi had long ago learned to call on it at will rather than wear it as a constant mantle.

"A year and a half ago, before I passed the academy exam," Harumi said calmly, "a freshly minted genin found out that S-Class secret about Naruto. I still don't know who told him, or that person would be dead. At the time, Naruto did not know of the secret. Keiko and I were only briefed that there was one because of what happened. I do not, to this day, know that secret itself. I do not need to. Naruto is not the only one among my fellow nin with that kind of secret after all, and it is rude to pry."

Sakura gave her a weak smile. "Understood, Sempai."

"Sakura-chan," Harumi said, smiling slightly herself as the pot pulsed again and she added the tea ball, "I am not trying to discipline or chide you. Merely explain. There are cups in that cupboard above you; I'm going to get milk and sugar. This oolong appeals more with them to many."

"Sure," Sakura answered, relaxing a little. "Look, I understand secrets. But I want to understand Naruto."

She was not Ne. But she was the daughter of two of them, and Uzumaki Naruto was this giant puzzle she thought she had at least mostly solved that suddenly changed shape.

The elder konouchi smiled and nodded in acceptance. "As I said," Harumi continued, opening the fridge, "the secret was not needed. I already understood who Naruto was to me. And that... genin making a mockery of our village wearing our symbol--" She set down the milk bottle heavily, took a deep breath, and met Sakura's eyes. “He tried to kill the cute little brat who Keiko and I had taken to walking home every day. The one with a ready smile even for the teachers that seemed to hate him for no reason. The one that'd clock you if you called that Akimichi kid fat, and knew damn well how smart the Jounin Hanchou's son was. The one Iruka-sensei looked at with something between brotherly love and endless worry. The one that hung out all hours at the newsstand with Keiko and I. The one my parents told me had burdens even he didn't know. And my parents are not nin."

Sakura pulled down a platter and started setting the milk and cups on it. "The sugar, Sempai."

"Ah, indeed."

Sakura gave her a moment. Then, "Did the ANBU catch the bastard in time?"

Harumi met her gaze and gave her a sad little smile. "No."

Sakura blinked, and then her mind connected a few dots and she had to focus, because her hands were shaking so hard they were rattling the sugar bowl Harumi had just passed her. The chuunin reached out and stilled her with a gentle grasp.

Harumi met her eyes again. "To this day, I know... Naruto hates hearing about this. Not because he's ungrateful, but because he still thinks not killing the bastard himself means he failed Keiko and I. Not because he thought we aren't strong, but because he hates seeing the people he considers his in pain."

"You killed him," Sakura said finally.

The other girl nodded once. "I wasn't even a genin. Keiko pinned him, and I killed him," the thread-mistress said, matter of fact and professional. "She got him grounded with a basic hold, and I drew a kunai and drove it into his liver, like in that textbook Daki-sensei gave us."

Sakura managed to get the bowl on to the tray. It felt harder than any of the exercises Gai had put them through that day. "Good."

"Good?"

The question was not a challenge, and Sakura met Harumi's eyes and smiled. "I'm many things, Sempai, but I'm not one to abide traitors."

"Then you are well on your way to being a fine kunoichi of Konoha," Harumi said. She reached over to the teapot, lifted the lid and sniffed the steam. Nodding, she removed the tea ball. "I'm loathe to let this get too strong, especially with Anko-nee here."

"She does seem to like her tea," Sakura agreed. "Where were the ANBU in all this?"

"A split second behind us. The leader-- a woman with long lilac coloured hair who's worn a cat mask with red whiskers as long as I've had her in my notice... she was cursing the situation and praising us all in one breath. It took the ANBU that have guarded Naruto from such things since birth seconds to contain the scene," Harumi said with a small grin that had that something else Sakura couldn't pin. "It took a year to get my head straight enough to pass the exam, but I had to. Because Naruto had faith in me." She took another breath, seemed to relax a bit more, and moved the pot to the tray. "That was when Kei-sensei and Kenji-sensei noticed me, they tell me."

"I'm... glad Naruto had people like you and Iruka-sensei in his life," Sakura managed, smiling. "I was beginning to think his childhood was one big shite pile."

Harumi gave a bitter chuckle. "No. Mainly people ignore him. I was... rather repeatedly assured that this was only the sixth attempt on Naruto's life and the second that got that close." Her next laugh was a happier giggle. "You know, it's funny. I've never been anything other than a sister to him. Neither has Keiko. But we always used to say when planning our walks that we 'had a date'."

Sakura's wide eyed stare had Harumi asking if she was okay.

##

"I don't think I would have beaten Ino in everything, actually."

Naruto blinked at his teammate. "Whozawhazahuh now?"

Sakura chuckled. She turned to their hosts. They were kneeling around a traditional low table, which Team Yamada used due to it being easy to move when they needed the space for other things. "Mizuki, it seems, liked his little games. He told me I simply couldn't boost my body using chakra due to my naturally small reserves."

Ryoutaro blinked. "... I'm assuming you were like me in that case? Better chakra control over all?"

Sakura just nodded.

"I found that tended to make chakra boosting easier, in the end," he drawled out.

"So did I, once Gai-sensei and Anko-sensei helped me overcome the arsehole bastard fuckwad traitor's disinformation."

"... she did mention hating traitors," Harumi murmured around her teacup.

"Heh. Wait till she gets really pissed off," Naruto said with a grin.

"... I'd assume he's being used as currency out by the volcano right now, but his arse might not be worth that much," Ryou growled.

"Oi, I've heard people say that--" Naruto began.

"Our maximum security prison is built suspended over the caldera of one of Hi's few active volcanoes," Keiko explained. "We can send the whole S Class cell block down the thing's throat if need be."

"... and we're the nice village," Naruto muttered, snapping up some yam tempura with his chopsticks.

"You were saying, Haruno-san," Ryou prompted with a nod of his head.

"Mm? Ah, yes. My point, Naruto, is that I have no doubt I'd be just a bit better in my physical disciplines... but I am still a bookworm, and a thinker, and an academic. So that would still be my strongest suit. Plus, well, motivation matters."

Naruto pursed his lips thoughtfully as Sakura tackled some salmon teriyaki. "Eh, point. You could force me to reread those damn textbooks yet another year, and it'd still be harder to care than the last."

"Even in the areas he loves," Anko grumbled. "I swear, between the two of you I've got an audio history of Konoha in full."

"Hey, I grew up on Jii-jii's stories about his sensei, and ... my caretakers' stories about various nins they worked with. I wanted to know more, so I looked it up. When they talked about missions, they'd slide into nin-jargon and I'd absorb it just to follow why it was such a piss off to be hired for a C rank and have it blow up to a mid level A."

"Fuck, first year in Academy had its boring moments for you, I bet," Sakura said.

"Even more irritating was how most teachers treated me knowing my shite as an affront... Nee-sensei, you're taking notes..."

Anko grinned one of those grins Naruto figured made her such a beloved figure in Torture and Interrogation. "Kakashi-nii's orders. It's his job to fuck with the people that fucked with you."

Naruto blinked. "Sweet roots and branches, does Jii-jii know what he's unleashed...?"

"Given your dear nii-san's reputation," Harumi drawled, "I'm wondering if they'll have to rebuild from scratch."

##

Kakashi looked down at the paper in his hand. Iruka could hear his teeth grinding.

"Remind me why I'm not taking this place apart brick by brick and using those bricks to kill people...?"

"One, it's mainly wood."

"Board by board then... oh. Then I can use flaming boards to do it..."

"Two, same building as Sarutobi-sama's office."

"... I'll invite him to help..."

"... we need a break, I found that tempting."

##

###  **1900 h. 18 Maple Way, in Old Konoha's Clan Residential District.**

"So. How'd you like Team Yamada's digs, minions?"

Naruto smirked. "They were Awesome! A... touch industrial for my tastes... but Awesome!"

"Yeah, I get that the rent's likely good and they may not have had other housing between themselves, but..." Sakura rolled her eyes.

"Well, my building does have a few office suites available," Anko-sensei mused, "but, well, my Landlord is trying to raise my rent again, and Baa-chan's been bugging me to give her a reason not to tell me to sell some of our clan's property..."

"Oh, your grandmother lives here in town?"

"An-chan!"

Anko's face lit up. "Ko-baa-chan!"

Naruto turned slowly to his teammate as their sensei and her grandmother embraced.

"So," Sakura said, gathering herself, "no hint Utatane-sama even had living family, eh?"

"Never came up when she was around," Naruto muttered. "Oi! Squinty-chan!"

Sakura sighed, closing her eyes. "What you get away with calling those in power will never fail to amaze me."

"Naruto! Misbehaving suitably?" Utatane Koharu said with a small smile.

"As a young nin should," he replied dutifully. "Hey, hey, Squinty-chan, where were you hiding such an Awesome grandkid?"

"T&I," the council member said earnestly.

"The last place I'd look," Naruto gasped, as if this were among the most ingenious stratagems he'd ever heard. "So, wait, your family name is--"

"I am her maternal grandmother, not that it matters. Both her grandfather's clan and mine are equally prestigious, as are the Mitarashi. Anko had her pick of names. She... basically looks like a Mitarashi, between the hair and the eyes."

Naruto frowned at her. "I didn't know you were married."

"Oh no," Koharu said. "We never did that. We're not the marrying types."

"Well, who is he?" Naruto asked.

"A good man," Koharu assured him.

"She's not going to tell us, is she?" Sakura said out of the corner of her mouth.

"At least I can eliminate Pancake-jii-chan," Naruto murmured back.

Sakura blinked at him. "Wait, is that-- you call Mitokado-sama...?"

"Homura-kun loves okonomiyaki," Koharu explained with an amused head shake.

"And his name means fire, so of course you call him Pancake," Sakura said, voice growing more deadpan as she went.

"Yeah, see, perfectly logical," Naruto agreed.

Koharu patted his head. "In your little world, maybe."

"There's nothing little about it," Sakura said, shaking her head. Then she looked up. "Wow. Nice Kells Style _tounhousu_."

Naruto blinked at her. "Isn't... a tounhousu one of those rows of attached homes, all sharing side walls...?"

"That's the Fioren usage," Sakura explained. "In Kells... well, originally it was a lord's home in the city as opposed to their country home, their townhouse-- _tounhousu_ in Keltic. So the Hidaimyo's home here in town is his tounhousu."

Naruto's face lit up. "Hey, it's built like this, too! At most, maybe four rooms a floor, but six or so floors!"

"Yeah," Sakura nodded. "It came to mean how those homes were usually built in Vale, Londinium, Uthersthrone and other major cities. Small footprint, but the multiple stories give it lots of room."

"Neat. Oh, so we're going to make this like-- wait. You want us to all move in here? Sensei, I have my own place!"

"I know, your landlord is our property manager, she's already going to supervise moving your stuff here," Anko said breezily. "As for Sakura--"

"Woman, am I your pack mule today?"

"I know, but my older brother is out of town. He's better suited to it."

"Mebuki!"

Sakura buried her face in her hands. "My parents are behind us, aren't they?"

"About two blocks away," Naruto said, turning that way.

"My dad's carrying all my stuff, isn't he?"

"Looks like your mom tied it on."

"And Mother's maybe holding a backpack?"

"That little pink one you stowed your bento in during Academy."

"And they're being _them_ , aren't they?"

"Well, I don't think your dad could pull off being Hokage, so who else?"

His teammate gave a resigned moan. "Sensei, so fucking hating you right now..."

Naruto just grinned, then a thought occurred to him. "Oi, sensei, what about mail?"

His sensei held out a stack of envelopes and a bundle of scrolls. "Your mail is now going to the central Nin Mail Exchange; from there, you will have to pick it up yourself unless you make arrangements. Can't have outsiders knowing where you live, or if you are out on assignment or not."

"Suppose that makes sense," Naruto grumbled taking his stack. "Still, there's got to be a better way... let's see... bill-- reminds me, I need to cancel--"

"Handled," Anko assured him. "Cable or gas or anyone keeps billing you, give it to me and I'll sick Homura-oji on 'em. Oh, and you burn mail you're done with."

"Oh, don't worry. Kei-kun beat that one into me!" Naruto noted with a wince. "Bill, occupant, occupant, mass mail-- on to the scrolls. Nin reg confirmation, gift from Shoutaro-nii-- oh, a new plant, Awesome-- Jutsu of the Month, Konoha's Roots--"

"'Best history magazine ever,'" the three Haruno chimed in.

"'Because it's our history,'" Naruto completed the slogan. "Gift from Asuma-nii-- have to check that for tricks, Shoujonin, Shounin, Jousei Nin Weekly--"

"Wanna crib on the subscriptions to manga?" Sakura offered.

"I get about 16 a week," he warned.

"Eh, about that too," Sakura agreed.

"Sure," he said. "Manga, manga, junk mail trying to pretend to be official that Nee-sensei can feed to Pancake-jii-chan--"

He paused on the next scroll.

_To Uzumaki Naruto_

_From Bara Natsumi_

_Uthersthrone, Kells Isle_

_Kells_

"That's a very Higo name for a letter from Kells," Sakura noted. Naruto clutched it possessively.

"It's my pen pal. We've been writing each other since I was six," he said defensively. "She's part Uzushin, so her dad helped her come up with a translation of her name."

"You have a pen pal?" Sakura asked.

"Don't think anyone would want to write me?" Naruto shot back.

Sakura held up her hands in the Sphere wide plea for truce. "No, just surprising. I... didn't know you knew anyone outside the village, let alone as far away as Kells. What's that look for?"

"Sakura... I used to sit in Jii-jii's office just for fun. I've met admirals from East Blue, kings and queens, even a Sphere's End gunslinger once. Some of them are regulars. I can tell you Major Coby's favourite brand of Sake-- Field Queen, served Ice Cold. I may not have ever been out of the village, but a lot of the Sphere has come to me. This is actually one of the few I've never met face to face."

Sakura sighed. "Sorry. Look... I was just... interested, okay. I don't know you as well as I thought I did. And I know... unless you're a merchant's kid like me, or a clan heir... most kids born here spend their childhood in Konoha. That's why the fact you knew someone out on the Emerald Sea, let alone the Emerald Isle... sorta surprised me, is all."

Naruto slowly smiled. "Not like there's a lack of interesting people here. We have one Awesome yakuza boss--"

"You know Kogami-sama?"

"Heh. Sends me a birthday cake every year," Naruto grinned. Then he said. "I'm sorry too. I got my back up. You're my teammate, so..."

Sakura smiled back at him.

"That reminds me," Koharu said, frowning. "Is your father's 'Watching Porn With Girls' collection still in there?"

Anko shook her head. "Safety deposit box."

Sakura looked at the elder, stricken.

"Squinty-chan's never met a moment she couldn't ruin," Naruto sighed. "So, in we go?"

"Well, before we move in, we actually have to disarm all the traps Tou-san, Kaa-san, Baa-chan and I set up--"

Naruto stood at attention. "Nature of traps?"

"Well," Anko said. "Mainly capture and detain with alarms built in. Some lethal stuff around the jutsu vault and family heirlooms."

"Do we have a schematic?" Naruto said, holding out his hand.

Smiling, Koharu handed him a scroll. Naruto unrolled it, and considered it a moment before nodding.

"Sakura?"

The pinkette moved in. "You want me on Navigation while you and Sensei do Disarming?"

"And Replacement with measures meant to be lived around, yes," Naruto agreed, glad that Sakura had a good memory for procedure. Unlike himself, he thought ruefully, who only got procedure by repeating it a zillion times like a dog and couldn't quote it to save his life. "The back garden we'll need to call in some help on, at least borrow some Yamanaka hazard gardening gear. I'd use clones to trip most of it--"

"Sakura-chan, are you sure you should be doing this?" her father asked.

"Haruno-san," Anko said gently. "Better she practice here and hone her ability to enter such a zone on friendly territory. My Grandmother is on standby, and we're waiting on a medic team to proceed."

"Naruto-kun mentioned clones, can't you use them to do this?" Sakura's mom asked.

Sakura sighed. "The clones Naruto's referring to are one hit wonders, mom. If they're doing the disarming and are pushed past their tolerance, they'll dispel, maybe causing a worse situation."

"Couldn't they trigger the traps then?" her father asked. "Activate them and get rid of them that way?"

Naruto sighed. "... Kizashi-nii. That's an option, but it depends on your goal. On enemy turf, in a building I didn't care about, traps I know are just pranks... sure."

"But some of these traps are made to destroy what they're guarding," Sakura agreed, "Some of them will damage the building when triggered, something we want to avoid since we're going to... well, live here." She smiled and turned to Naruto. "As is, this place is as bad as that abandoned park you rigged up as a bully trap."

"No. It's worse. I stayed non-lethal with the park," Naruto said seriously. "Inin here yet? I'd like to get some sleep before Gai-sensei beats us up tomorrow."

A group of three people landed beside Koharu. "Inin, here. I am Kabuto, this is my team. We understand there's a clan house being defanged?"


	6. 6

###  **We now rejoin Team Anko as they make safe their new home base by disabling the dozens of traps lovingly set by their sensei and her family.**

"Door, clear, as in the schematic," Naruto noted, grinning.

"Yeah, why is that, Sensei?" Sakura wondered. "Wouldn't the door be the first place to cut an intruder off?"

"Yes, but now instead of an intruder you have an 'innocent person' at the clan house public entrance," Anko said. "Don't give the bastards even the slightest bit of leeway, Pinkie. Legal or otherwise."

Sakura slowly nodded. "Right. Naruto, the closet to your left has... huh, looks exactly like the basic needle launcher trap from the academy text."

"It likely is," Naruto said. "It's a standard because it's a good, solid design. Even the knock out drug is an old reliable. Access point?"

"Mmm... false ceiling tile, three left of the left edge of the door."

Naruto took off his jacket. "Cool. Can I get a boost, Nee-sensei?"

##

Sakura waved at the kitchen counter. "There’s a trap there, but the paper has a watermark on it so I can’t tell exactly where; Naruto? Do that thing you do."

"The knife block's fake," Naruto said.

Sakura blinked at him.

"It's too flush to the counter, even without any sort of legs or coasters on it," Naruto said, leaning down and grabbing the bamboo paneling on that part of the counter, pulling it loose with a grunt. "Yeah, see, it's got a trigger setup. Jostle the block too hard or pull at the fake knife expecting a weapon and the trigger goes off... hmm. Falling ceiling, looks like, but the trigger's connected to other things. Let's see-- the casing is marked with that strange deformed drop, like the launcher trap--"

"Clan symbol," Anko supplied. "All the traps will be marked with it, it's a drop of--"

"Syrup. Mitarashi syrup, of course," Naruto said. "I missed that. The wire's marked with the script for-- any other traps marked 'shadow run'?"

"Let's see-- oh. Wow. Okay, even if you get past the ceiling falling... the vault in the study is welded shut, the weapons storage in the basement becomes the seat of a fire that will torch the whole place if you don't handle it, and arms a net trap over the door."

"... that's... complex," Naruto murmured. "I... hmm. Anko-nee-sensei, I don't think I can do this one--"

"I don't see why not, I set it up while Mom talked me through it," Anko said lightly.

"Er... really?" Naruto said, blinking.

"Yes. So I don't see why I can't talk you through taking it down."

Naruto's grin slowly returned. "Yeah! Okay, Nee-sensei, let's go!"

"Good! So, this is actually set up so you have to take the net out first."

##

"A potassium cyanide and arsenic blend masqueraudering as an air freshener," Naruto wondered, shaking his head and taking the air filter mask his sensei offered him.

"... Masqueraudering?" Sakura asked, in a manner that said it was against her better judgment as she slipped her own mask on.

"Y'know. Pretending to be something... but in a mean way?"

Sakura pinched the exposed bridge of her nose. "Naruto... you don't get to just make up words."

"Why not? It's how language evolves! Our most common word for idiot literally means 'horse deer'." Naruto argued, voice now slightly muffled and pulling a pair of gloves from one of the well concealed pockets on his pants.

"That's--" Sakura began.

"Besides, future Hokage and Ninja," Naruto said firmly, as if this conveyed great authority. He blinked as he opened the trap. "Rot, it's made to start low and grow in potency!"

"Dad loved his poisons," Anko said fondly. "Which was odd, because Mom was the Combat inin."

"... my children may fondly remember my ability to break rocks in half someday," Sakura said wistfully as she readjusted her own mask.

"If not your general Awesomeness," Naruto agreed. "Get one of the inin in here, so we can do a proper disposal."

##

"Okay, so study!" Naruto said, throwing open the door and bounding in.

"Naruto! Duck!"

"Yipe!" Naruto said, wincing as the ram swinging from one wall clipped his shoulder. He hugged the wall as the ram swung back. "Right, I should let Sakura check the schematic first!"

"Ya think?" Sakura growled, as they watched the ram swing back and forth. "You're damn lucky that wasn't hooked into the same seal array that welds the safe shut!"

"Okay, okay, dumb move, but at least it's already triggered and-- what's that creaking sound?"

Anko grabbed Naruto and pulled him out of the study as the ironoak ram fell, along with the ceiling beam it was hanging from. The desk, chairs, safe, and filing cabinet followed.

Naruto looked down the resulting hole. "So... we're now lacking a media room, that nice little reading area on the first floor, and I think part of the basement needs a _little_ clean up."

"Huh. Dad was right. That ram was too heavy," Anko noted. "And you, Orange minion-- why didn't you stick yourself to the wall?"

"We can _do_ that?" Naruto said, wonder in his eyes. "I thought that was a _chuunin plus_ thing!"

Anko started to talk several times before sighing. "So need to talk to Kashi-nii."

##

"So... we've got the dart traps near each chest of drawers," Sakura said, surveying the fourth floor guest bedroom, "the Raiton trap between the mattresses-- seals are damn versatile-- and the blade launcher in the nightstand-- ah. Yes. There's a trap based on the emergency medical stasis seal in the closet. Safe spot to the left."

Naruto stood on the designated patch of hardwood, slowly opened the door, and blinked.

"Uh... either of your parents practice taxidermy, Nee-sensei?"

"... my crazy Uncle Kintsuba does, but he never... oh. "

"Oh, that poor little guy!" Sakura said, hand on mouth. "Is he okay, sensei?"

The fox now frozen in the closet had silver fur, a tail twice as long as his body, and a pronounced squint. Or maybe that was just how he was frozen.

"I think so," Anko said, making a modified Ox sign like her mother had taught her. She smiled. "Heh. He's fine, the poor bastard triggered it today. I can release him--"

"His front paws are hands," Naruto noted, with all the innocence of a child not realizing he was standing next to an explosive tag.

Anko froze herself a minute and looked carefully at the fox before her. The recognition came in a bolt--

_"Getting faster has only made you more impatient, Ichimaru-chan!"_

_"Oi, Summoner-nee! Don't tease!"_

\--and Anko thought fast. _The first sense to return,_ her mother had once said of the stasis seal, _is smell, then hearing... sight is last._

"He's a summons," Anko said, de-activating the stasis even as she spoke. "I think I know him, too. Naruto, Sakura, don't move, don't speak, and try not to spook him. People haven't always reacted well to foxes in Konoha."

"But he didn't do anything," Sakura said quietly. "Er, did he?"

"Knowing this little guy, a little light mischief at most," Anko said. She heard Ichimaru's breathing pick up, saw the squinty eyes fall on her, Sakura, then Naruto-- and then back to her, slightly panicked.

"You get stuck here, Ichi-san?" she prompted.

Seeing the normally excitable fox so stiff was depressing, in a way. Ichimaru closed his eyes, and sighed. "Please tell me it's still the first of Mi, Anko..."

"3048 by our calendar, you hyperactive brat," Anko said. "Mind explaining why you're snooping around one of my clan's properties?"

The fox shook himself out as the stasis almost completely lifted. "You know my summoner died when the Kyuubi was thrown at Konoha," the silver fox said. "I'm following her last orders, look after the children."

 _Sasuke and Naruto,_ Anko thought. But her eyes must’ve darted over to Naruto, because Ichimaru went on, "All the children. That generation bears a great burden, despite your Fourth's actions."

"So... you overheard us talking about moving in here...?" Sakura prompted.

"And in attempting to check the place out, was reminded there are some things even I can't outrun," the fox noted drily.

"Who was your summoner?" Naruto asked.

"... it is... sadly, rather painful to talk about her," Ichimaru said, bowing his head. "And I don't think I could, Uzumaki-kun. But she was a great friend, and I miss her. And so I do my best."

 _Perfectly said,_ Anko thought, relaxing a bit.

"Well, if you ever feel like... y'know, you can or need to..." Naruto said, fidgeting a bit.

"... I promise you, Uzumaki-kun," Ichimaru said, with a fox grin, "I will take you up on that. Tonight, all I would ask for is a place to recover before I take on my duties again tomorrow."

"Eh, I'm sure I can find a spot we need a temporary throw rug," Anko snarked.

"... every time I wonder why the sane snakes congregate around you... you say something that makes me wonder more."

The silver fox had wrapped himself over Naruto's shoulders even as Anko tossed the kunai.

##

The master bath held a bit of wonder.

"... an aerosol rapid-acting laxative. And then all the toilets seal shut," Sakura said, shaking her head as under Anko's direction Naruto finished disengaging the can from the mechanism.

"Yep," Anko said. "Mom handled the sealing arrays, Dad invented the aerosol."

"Your... parents were disturbingly Awesome, Nee-sensei," Naruto said.

"I'm with you on the disturbing part," Ichimaru said.

"Does someone like being around my neck?" Naruto chided.

"Oh, we tease each other all the time," Anko said.

"You should hear Kaa and me go at it," Ichimaru said, tail whipping in amusement. "That old bastard still around?"

"Kageko too," Anko smiled.

##

"Sakura, why are you glaring hot evil blossoming death at Nee-sensei?"

Sakura turned to him and gave him a strained smile. "You see this seal here, Naruto?"

"... The big one on this rather large table in the attic? Kinda hard to miss, Sakura."

"Naruto," Sakura asked patiently, "I know theory isn't your strong suite, but you remember Iruka-sensei's little introduction to sealing, right?"

Naruto blinked at her. "Sakura, I'm an Uzumaki. That stuff is practically my clan history."

She nodded. "Right. So when a kanji, kana or other symbol is used as an actual element in a seal, it's called...?"

"Mojikara," Naruto supplied easily. "It's used to say, 'hey, this isn't just a label or something, it's part of the seal'. This is a really good seal, though-- all the labels a part of the seal itself!"

"And how a seal's mojikara are arranged is called its matrix, right?" Sakura prompted.

"Er, yeah."

"What's the shape of this seal's matrix?" Sakura went on.

"Well, it's a big rectangle. Made up of..." Naruto blinked, and his voice grew flat. "Made up of seven stacked smaller ones. It looks kinda like that schematic you're holding, in fact."

"Naruto," Sakura said, voice getting dangerously low, "what's a complex group of seals called?"

"Why, an array, Sakura," Naruto said, voice dripping with forced politeness. "And it's a really good idea with big ones-- like, say, a clan house security system-- to have a control seal or two so you can easily handle the various bits of the array, isn't it Sakura?"

"Why yes, Naruto, it is."

"This is labeled as the control seal on that schematic, isn't it Sakura?"

"Actually, it's marked Master Control Seal, Naruto."

"Ah. Would the linking element maybe be, say, a certain drop-shaped clan symbol on every single trap?"

"Why yes, yes it is."

"And... I'm guessing there's one or two smaller seals that let you, say... safely disarm some of the traps and get here?

Sakura scanned the map. "We have at least two... no, three safe routes here to where the seal THAT WE COULD HAVE USED TO DEACTIVATE ALL THE TRAPS IS!" Sakura said, tearing the paper in half.

"Nee-sensei," Naruto growled, Ichimaru backing him up.

"It was great training."

Naruto stopped mid growl. "... crap, she's right," he grumbled.

Sakura cracked her knuckles. "I'll make our vengeance harsh, but just."

"Please do," Naruto agreed.

"And your reward-- is chocolate!" Anko said.

Sakura caught the tossed bar. "Oh. Dark chocolate with ume juice. They only make this on the Demon Isles."

"Hey!" Naruto cried as Sakura proceeded to nom.

"For both my minions!"

"Milk chocolate and red bean paste," Naruto wondered skeptically. Then he unwrapped it and took a bite. "Oh, glorious unexpected kombijutsu of flavour, you are all mine."

"So everyone's happy--"

"Ahem."

Anko looked down. "Oh... Ichimaru..."

"I could have been free much sooner, Anko-chan."

Anko began patting her coat. "I-- think I have some beef jerky in here."

"Oh, that does sound nice. But Anko-chan?"

"Er, yes Ichi-kun?"

"I WAS FROZEN TODAY! BUTO!"

"I'm surprised," Naruto said. "They actually candied the bean paste in a light sugar shell, so it's soft but still works with the texture of the chocolate."

"Mm," Sakura said, swallowing. "See, here they used ume juice just smoked enough, for like, flavour, and then let the natural saltiness act like it does in those, mmm, salt water caramels from the Demon Isles?"

"Oh, neat."

"HA! YOU FORGET, FOX! I AM A JOUNIN NOW!"

"A-HA! AND YOU FORGET, HUMAN! THIS ISN'T AS FAST AS I CAN GO! BUTO _REJIN_!"

"OW! OH! OUCH! MINIONS, HELP!"

"Sorry, Sensei~" Sakura cooed.

"We've been pacified~" Naruto added.

"OH! OUCH! CURSE IT! CURSE MY ILL TIMED BRIBERY! OH, DEAR SWEET KAMI, ALL 965,885 OF THEM!"

##

"Hold on," Naruto said as they re-entered the sitting room. He made a familiar cross sign.

"Hey, boss!" the single Kage Bunshin said.

"Hey, clone," Naruto said. "Need a favour, bud."

"Figured that's why you made me!" the clone said.

"Indeed. Clone... go sit in that chair."

The clone took a gander. "That chair?"

"Yes."

"The recliner in the corner?"

"Yep."

"The perfectly innocent looking Fioren recliner?"

"Uh-huh."

"Just sitting in the corner of this ninja household?"

"That's the one."

"Why?"

"Because I think it has a terrible trap on it, and I'd rather survive the experience of triggering it."

The clone nodded. "Y'know what, since you were straight with me, and I know you'll get all my memories, sure."

"Thanks, clone. Thanks for being Awesome."

"Hey. Only as Awesome as you are, boss."

The clone walked over to the chair, and daintily sat on it.

Nothing happened. Anko limped over to the couch.

The clone shifted around a bit.

Still, nothing.

The clone sighed and relaxed.

Just as it was about to recline the recliner... the trap was sprung. It took a total of ten seconds to trigger completely.

"... I am so lucky he puffed out right after he launched out of the chair," Naruto mumbled.

"Do... you think that seal has more bear traps in it?" Sakura wondered, looking a little ill.

Naruto sighed and formed five more clones as the bulk of the traps faded away.

One immediately ran into the wall, dispelling.

"Pussy," one of the others said. He was smacked and dispelled.

"No gendered insults," Naruto growled.

"Yes boss," the three remaining clones said, cowering.

#### Eighteen clones later...

"Dad loved that chair," Anko said from the couch with a shrug to her blinking genin.

##

"...and that should be the last of them," Sakura said as she primed the last kunai trap, and Naruto made a notation on the new trap schematic.

"Of course, if we weren't living together, you'd never tell me all your traps," Naruto explained. "And in fact, I'm going to add some to my room later on the really private stuff. You should do the same. Sensei likely will tomorrow after she's recovered from foolishly pissing off the sweet, innocent fox that watches over Konoha's splendid genin."

"I'd blush if my species did that," Ichimaru deadpanned from where he lay on Sakura's bed. Then he rose, stretching out. "Though, if you don't mind, I'll bed down with you, Naruto."

Naruto smiled. "If you like. Er, any reason why?"

Ichi gave a foxy grin. "I like how you smell."

"Minions~!" came Anko's voice from downstairs. "Your poor injured sensei made tea~!"

"Coming~!" Naruto called.

"Wait," Sakura said. "How do we know she didn't spike the tea?"

Naruto blinked at her. "Sakura. It's tea. Made by Nee-sensei."

Sakura sighed. "Right, that'd be like you spiking ramen."

"Exactly."

##

"Nee-sensei... your parents..."

###  **2000 h. Team Seven Barracks**

Anko smiled at Naruto, sitting once again on the couch. "Dad died when I was eight. He was a close combat and assassination expert, and he died helping evacuate Juuban up north out from under a Kumo blockade. Mom died four years later. Brain tumour. She lived long enough to see me become a genin. She was luckier than some-- she could still recognize me before she died." She sighed, fiddling with her collar. "I wanted to be an inin like her."

"Why didn't you?" Sakura asked from her seat on the now defanged recliner.

"Well, you two love history, right? Who were the old man's students?"

"The Sannin," Naruto said without missing a beat. "Jiraiya, Tsunade, and... Orochimaru. The Snake Sannin..."

Sakura blinked. "Is that what Ichimaru--"

"Yes," the fox spoke from the floor he and Naruto were sprawled out on. "That's why I said the _sane_ snakes like her. All kidding aside, it's her or a contract with one of the citizens of Amazon Lily. And that is a one on one or two thing, usually."

"But-- did the head inin not want to train you after that?" Naruto wondered. "No, if that happened Jii-jii would have made them train you. Or got that Tsunade lady to do it. So, why not--"

"He experimented on you," Sakura said, her hands shaking as she struggled to set down her cup. "Like the orphans the Third and... his friends found after he barely escaped them."

"And the ones Hanzou gave him," Anko said with a bitter smile. "There's a reason we and Ame are allies, and it's partly to make amends. But his 'greatest' accomplishment was an attempt to make an army that could use Senjutsu-- at least the Snake version of it. While also making them totally loyal."

She pulled back her longcoat's collar. "Say hello to the prototype of Orochimaru's Cursed Seal. Even with an Evil Suppressing Seal on it, it fucks up my chakra control quite a bit.

"And ijutsu requires the finest control of all."

There was a shattering sound. Apparently, Sakura had failed to set down her cup in time.

"Sorry," she said, even as Anko closed on her.

"It's okay. It's a cheap set."

"I didn't know I had this much hate inside me," Sakura said, teeth gritted.

Anko blinked at her.

"He's a traitor. He's free. And he hurt my sensei. There may be only one man I hate as much."

"What was he like?" Naruto asked, as Anko checked Sakura's hand. Not surprisingly, the girl’s chakra control was so good, there were only a few red marks. Her skin had been reinforced, subconsciously. "As a sensei, I mean?"

Anko turned to him and gave him a sad smile. "Well, I'd like to say it was obvious he was a monster from day one..."

##

###  **2100h**

"Okay, now I'm not going to insist you bed down," Anko said. "But you are not leaving the house after 2100h unless we're on a mission. I might extend that if you show me you can handle this. Understood?"

"Yes, Anko-sensei."

"Yes, Nee-sensei."

"Oh, and Naruto, catch."

Naruto caught the wooden pill box. Anko caught the sour look he gave it. Sakura caught the byplay and forced herself not to ask, Harumi's admonishments about secrets on her mind.

But she filed away, _Naruto needs pills,_ and never forgot it.

"Good night, genin."

"Good night, Sensei."

"Good night, Nee-sensei."

##

###  **2200 h. I'm sure they don't know you well enough to tell you where.**

"What are you doing?"

Her voice was a glorious alto. Her hands on his shoulders a balm.

"Paperwork," he sighed. He looked down at his small desk-- had it ever had this many sheets and scrolls on it?

She wasn't as busty as some. Her breasts might not have engulfed his head, but one made a damn fine pillow as he leaned back into her.

"That's a lot of paperwork for the first day."

"It's not just for my first day," he said. He rubbed his uncovered eye with one hand. "I'm in charge, Rindou. The Academy. And because I need to be punished and the Hokage is an evil, evil person-- and because it needs to be done... this is the final two of the last ten years of the Academy. The Academy that failed Sensei's son and, it seems, a good many others. Most of it is in the scrolls. Student records, peer reviews of the sensei... all of it."

"Mm," she hummed. "You are tired." And to this day, her voice held a slight accent of the once isolated island she was from.

"I am."

"So come to bed, _el marido_ ," she said. And she used a loan word, from East Blue, because her native tongue didn't have the word 'husband'.

He sighed, stroking her hands where they rested just where his neck met his chest. "I’d love to, but the Hokage...the Academy, needs this done."

His chair spun round and dark eyes met his one and she glared at him as she sank into his lap, straddling him, dark hair loose of its usual bun, wearing one of his casual "Not an ANBU" t-shirts and not much else.

"Kakashi. Don't be foolish. You need to take your time and get it right... that is what your Hokage, your Academy, needs. Not you creating another obsession for yourself. That will not help Naruto, or any of the other kids."

"It just feels--" he started, and she kissed him.

"Come to bed; it will be there in the morning, when you are fresh and rested."

She stood, and offered her hand. He took it, let himself be pulled to his feet and smiled as she reached up and pulled off his masks-- all four of them-- in one smooth motion.

The next kiss was much more... involved than the last.

"What did I do to deserve you again?" he murmured.

She smiled, and laid her head on his shoulder-- he was barely taller than her-- and hummed. "As I recall, it was not a matter of _deserving_. Neither of us was won, or lost. I looked at you. You looked at me. Together we jumped."

He chuckled. "Do I need to jump again?"

"Actually, the plan was I jump you tonight."

He roared this time, and picked her up.

"You carried me last time," he said.

"You're lighter," she noted.

Hatake Kakashi-- student of the Yellow Flash, son of the White Fang, Sharingan, Man Down, the Scarecrow... looked down at his wife. "Love you."

Hatake Rindou-- intimate of Boa Hancock, Guardian of Amazon Lily, Hero of the Grandline War, The Big Bang Baby, the Smoke Signal... curled up against his chest. "Love you."

And the Hatake were off to bed.

###  **GOOD NIGHT**


	7. And now, some notes on the preceding

##  **1**

###  **Dreamtime**

Our first hint of the... grander picture. Don't want to spoil new readers, here. In Naruto's dream we see, in order: Roland, Stephen King's Gunslinger from the [Dark Tower](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Dark_Tower_\(series\)); Harry Potter, of the series that bears his name; Naruto himself; Hiccup and Toothless, from Dreamwork's [How To Tame Your Dragon](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/How_to_Train_Your_Dragon_\(film\)) series; [Bruce Banner ](http://marvel.com/universe/Hulk_\(Bruce_Banner\))a/k/a the Hulk from Betty Ross's POV, of Disney's Marvel universes; [Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoh](http://nanoha.wikia.com/wiki/Magical_Girl_Lyrical_Nanoha_Wiki)a, the great Befriender; [Shinji Ikari](http://evangelion.wikia.com/wiki/Shinji_Ikari), pilot of an Eva and professional basket case... with a hint of the Metaplot there; Ranma of [Ranma 1/2](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ranma_%C2%BD); and the lovely and talented [Lina Inverse](http://kanzaka.wikia.com/wiki/Lina_Inverse) of Slayers fame.

###  **0348 h. Outside the Uchiha Compound**

Sasuke was basically created because Kishimoto was told Naruto needed a rival. Fandom responded in many ways, but one was treating Sasuke as the ultimate bastard reason Naruto isn't allowed to be awesome.

If I'm going to write literary criticism, I'm going to write that. Here in the story, how Kishimoto and his editors treated any particular character plays an extremely minor role in how I use them. Basically... anything after the point I start the fic is up in the cosmos damn air, and so is quite a bit before it. _This_ Sasuke is not my sounding board or cathartic release for how I feel about canon.

The idea that Sasuke would have insomnia... comes partly from personal experience. The idea of a caretaker trying to get him hooked on alcohol comes from Lucillia's Time Mix-up fics, where Sasuke does have a dependency problem for such a reason.

###  **"He doesn't trust outright altruism."**

Would you, in Sasuke's position? And if you're thinking Sasuke would because he's an X, a Y, whatever you want to label him... then you've hit the othering trap.

Any time you lack some degree of empathy with a character, you run risk of treating them as a mere plot device. And that kind of character tends to bar too many interesting options.

###  **Naruto and Anko's apartment meeting**

On Naruto having some degree of trap knowledge: this bit of fanon always made sense to me, so here it remains.

Yes, Naruto's downstairs neighbor is indeed Boar.

Those of you that recognize the name attached to Naruto's building from Elizabeth "edenfalling" Culmer's "[Way of the Apartment Manager](https://archiveofourown.org/series/67000)", you have good fic taste.

With Naruto and Sakura, I decided to make this a matter that is fundamentally one of boundaries and misunderstanding. Naruto lacking in some social grace, Sakura in some temper.

At times, a series with a central hero can fall into the trap of making everything a problem waiting for that hero's special touch. Shounen can be really bad with this. One reason I split the focus as much as I do is to prevent this.

Also here, we establish that Kakashi wasn't absent in Naruto's childhood. A few people who want to write Kakashi as a good guy do this, and I elaborate on those Naruto calls nee-san and nii-san and such later on.

###  **Sakura's Parents**

Who says I can't have it both ways? By making Sakura's parents Ne, I get to have them be civilians (as fanon long had them) and nin (as finally revealed in the anime). The fact that this makes them just nin who were hiding as civilians is not a huge source of amusement for me and my betas. Ibiki said so.

Several minor villages have their nations unnamed by canon. I dubbed the nation of Kusagakure's home the Land of Ravines, Keikoku no Tani, as a nod to one of the nation's noted features. Keikoku can also mean valley, which I picture Konoha's allied village resting in. Kusa is according to canon notable for its diplomacy.

Sakura knows her parent's roles. As noted in our prior notes, her intro story was indeed true as far as it went. There's just more to it.

The explanation Mebuki gives here for why Sakura sucks so much at practical skills, or seems to, at our start is actually a rather well known psychological foible (I warned you I was into it). Gai will address it in more detail later.

As to what Naruto is seeing in Konoha's streets-- folks of all genders, sexes, and species... Konoha's Spoiler Block ANBU Men's Chorus!

_This is_

_This is a spoiler_

_So we must refrain_

_frain_

_from telling you more_

_at this very juncture_

_Oh, when_

_When the time has come_

_come_

_please believe us when_

_when_

_we promise that all shall become clear!_

Give Ocelot and the boys and hand, folks!

###  **Gai and Anko**

Some fics portray Gai as sexless. Others play with people assuming he's gay.

I just think he and Anko make a cute couple-- outside, the "Nice Guy and Sadistic Bitch" but under that... layers. And both _very_ physical.

An oversight from last chapter-- the line about Gai being able to do several pushups solely with his tongue is from another Blot fragment.

Again, with Neji-- I wanted to establish the Sphere isn't waiting around for Naruto to solve all the problems.

Therapy no jutsu, fanon's take on violently befriending someone or shaking sense into them. Many jokingly attribute Naruto with its creation, but like using Chinese food to make burritos every generation assumes it's their invention or that of their heroes. Anko attributes it to Minato and Kushina.

As we shall find out later, 13 is Team Punishment for more than one reason.

In canon, Naruto seems to actually like the Sunset of Youth. And everyone else makes it this mind scarring thing even Konoha nin fear. So of course, I don't.

Konoha, as team focused as they are... I figure people from the Leaf don't have much tolerance for traitors.

###  **Konoha Strict Correctional Facility**

I love this anime born part of the setting-- Konoha's major prison is over a volcano and is rigged so _the whole thing can be dropped in if need be._ Bad. Ass.

The idea of Prisoner Officers is borrowed from that seminal manga, Lone Wolf and Cub. Its historical accuracy is unknown, but in this universe maintaining a hierarchy within those prisons makes sense.

Prisoner Bubba is from Sphere's End. That's my story, and I'm sticking to it.

Mizuki, as someone who not only _hurt kids_ but sided with Konoha's vilest son... yeah, the other inmates would take every inch they can get with the git.

The spinning torture mentioned involves suspending the victim upside down and using loincloths as whips to both make them spin and batter them.

###  **Exercises.**

There is no way the typical 'academy sensei are fucking up Naruto's training and that's why he sucks' plot wouldn't splash on to others.

Of course Team Gai teases Gai and Anko.

The multiple meanings of Team Punishment's nickname will be returned to.

I took suggestions for exercises from my betas, some of whom served in the real world military. I chose squat thrusts because they seemed a good 'let me see where they are at this point' exercise. Gai's thoughts on stretching came up in my own research.

"Sakura... start matching Neji?" This was no knock on Neji. The Hyuuga arts require fitness, but in different areas than Gouken or the styles the others follow. In fact, here's Beta John with some info:

JG Note - One thing most people miss is just how physically fit someone has to be in order to fight effectively. Even those who train seriously in a soft style are fit. Hell, even a yoga practitioner is fit, as that muscle and breathing control requires more than simple stretches and such. I know that from experience, when we did yoga in PT, and _all_ of us were exhausted when we were done, and sore for days afterward. So yes, different physical fitness is definitely there.

Members of my beta team mentioned how one thing basic training-- which the training schedule they end up following is based on-- affects you is how it kills modesty. And yes, that included observations on how a woman's breasts can be affected. Naruto getting the _why_ , but not _why Hinata_ was a way to show... yeah, he's still the knucklehead.

###  **0540 h. Training Ground of the Awesome and Youthful**

Hi pushups are the straight backed variety. Uzu style are [Hindu pushups](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Push-up#Hindu_push-up).

 _Wait, if Kakashi was watching him as an ANBU, how would Naruto recognize him?--_ I address this later, so hold your horses. But Naruto does know the _faces_ of his 'caretakers.'

###  **Gate Anchor Syndrome**

I found the idea that Lee 'cannot' use chakra a little... it's a bit of flavour that doesn't quite sing. So here, he has a condition that stops him from releasing all but a trickle of his chakra outside his body. Once it becomes a defined condition with parameters, it's easier to make comparisons like Sakura does to Naruto's chakra control issues.

Naruto still doesn't like Neji's attitude.

###  **0555 h. North Wall Road. You can still see Tobirama's face imprint on the wall from that one time he pissed off Mito. Sadly, the Konoha Historical Society sign marking it keeps "disappearing".**

A lot of people like the little 'meta textual' worldbuilding I do in section titles like this.

###  **0600 h. Ground 35. Gai's trained here since he was six.**

Gai's Genius of Hard Work speech here is adapted from psychological studies on how people deal with challenges.

##

###  **0605 h. Same place. Incidentally the place Gai first challenged Kakashi.**

On Lee's Ba-chan/ baa-chan bit-- Ba-chan means aunt. Baa-chan means grandmother/old woman. Lee's complementing Sakura's mom... and being a bit of a smart ass while doing so.

Oh, as an aside-- I use "arse" and "shite" in the fic to show what influences dominate in Konoha. They got those curses via Kells, which is where a lot of influence of the UK's many constituents are seen.

Several of my Betas shat themselves when they saw Tenten was _Emiya_ Tenten. We'll get into why later.

Barsaive is from the [Earthdawn role-playing](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Earthdawn) setting.

Why does Gai automatically assume the Haruno are Ne and not Anbu? Because ANBU are known, to a degree, as Nin. The Haruno are known as merchants who had SPOILERS and a daughter just out of academy.

##  **2**

###  **0625 h. Yours and mine and hers and his and theirs and our Konoha Academy**

Shameless section title paraphrased from a song from the [Emperor's New School](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Emperor%27s_New_School).

One of Kakashi's nicknames, Man Down, is from Sarah 1281's romp (only word for it) [It's For a Good Cause, I Swear!](https://www.fanfiction.net/s/5409165/1/It-s-For-a-Good-Cause-I-Swear) My beta JG now needs to reread it.

###  **0635 h. Training Ground 35.**

Ranma and Ranko being twins here come from the simple fact that I didn't want the curses of their source material in this verse. They're still based in Nermia, here a town in Hi. They are of course inspired by the lead of Ranma 1/2. They are obviously not him.

Gotta admit, once I decided they were a pair of twins, roughly from Minato's generation... making Ranma Gai's sensei was a gimme.

It also helped to give Tenten a non-inin kinouchi inspiration.

###  **Meditation**

The Minions' experience meditating is based on my own. Genma's advice on it is from Buddhist thought and modern psychology.

###  **Sparring**

My main focus with the sparring scenes was showing the innate abilities that would lead to what styles Naruto and Sakura will train in.

 _What Lee can do:_ I really thought on this. Bunshin was out because it means creating a genjutsu effect in someone else. Kawarimi requires outward projection to summon and swap with the log. Shushin is rapid movement, so he can manage it, just. He can wall walk, but finds it easier to use momentum and parkour-like movement.

##

###  **The Elders**

Many have thanked me for not making the Elders of Konoha useless twats.

ANY NINJA who's survived that long with the respect of their peers is either very very lucky... or BADASS.

[Tani Chiaki](http://powerrangers.wikia.com/wiki/Chiaki_Tani), the Hokage's adjutant, is inspired by his namesake from Samurai Sentai Shinkenger. But he is not that character. You've met his cousin in Intelligence already.

In canon, Hunter Nin, or Oinin, is strictly a Mist thing. Here, I expanded the idea. Hunters are trackers, with a focus on hunting a village's nukenin.

Making Tsume their head seemed to fit.

###  **More on Sparring**

Canyon Spike! -- A little easter egg here, this is one of the signature moves of Cammy from Street Fighter.

Naruto's attempt to grapple Gai-- and Gai's reaction-- is inspired by Bugs Bunny's initial attempt to do the same against the Crusher in the legendary Bunny Hugged short.

Rather than being dismissive of how Naruto fights now, as many a fic is, here we focus on the things that are laudable, that Anko will be encouraging. The same with Sakura-- I wanted to play up the talents that mark her as suited for Tsunade's style and the gap between where she is and where she _thinks_ she is.

Also, _Lee._ He... has goals. Interesting ones.

###  **Sasuke hates politics**

The ranks of the Kazoku are from the Japanese court of the same name. All the annoyers are OCs.

Hyuuga Hiashi as Sasuke's regent ("sesshou", here) was based on the idea Hiashi wouldn't take shit but would keep just enough of a cool head while doing it.

And once again, the Elders are scary awesome. As well, Konoha's hearing of Gatou sooner than in canon. I'm sure this will have NO trickle down effects on this fic.

###    
  


##  **3**

###  **Gai's Sunsets**

Yes, he has a different one for everyone he cares about.

Wait until you see the one Gai does with his eternal rival.

###  **The Hosensei and his Assistant**

This is one of those gaps in canon you only notice when you look closely. Canon can give the impression that Hiruzen micromanages the academy. Here, he's a busy man who's been sharing this important responsibility with three other busy people, doing their best-- and realizing that isn't working.

The idea that Kakashi babysat Iruka was merely amusing, so I used it.

##

###  **Hiruzen and Deskwork**

So many fics have Hiruzen have the great secrets of dealing with paperwork and such revealed to him by (usually) Naruto.

Fuck that noise. Sarutobi Hiruzen can wade through your red tape and paint a fucking landscape doing it. He Sarutobi Hiruzens it.

Who Hiruzen is painting the picture for is indeed meant to hint the situation in Ame/ Rain is not what it was in canon.

The Gourudoku are a clan I created to fill out Konoha a bit. We'll learn more of them as needed.

The idea of a saner Danzou was inspired to a great degree by QuoteMyFoot's wonderful oneshot [Better to Honour](https://www.fanfiction.net/s/5884037/1/Better-to-Honour). Another influence comes from a lost "fragments" collection I'd really like to track down again, where Tsunade calls Danzou into the Hokage's office and tells him his shit's gotta stop, only for him to order her ANBU to give them privacy so he can let her in-- her sensei _knew,_ Danzou's who does what the Hokage can't be known to be doing.

People really like Hiruzen and Danzou's banter. It's fun to write.

Super Honest Man refers to Shin, Sai's big brother-- very much alive here. The nickname was given to him by Sai, so keep that in mind.

That, and Shin can mean both 'truth' and 'super'.

Not sorry.

##  **4**

###  **The Konoha Reg Book**

Military organizations have regulations.

###  **Kurenai Doesn't Have a Nickname**

Why does every fanfic settle to giving kunoichi nicknames that follow the formula "Konoha's X Mistress"? Boring. Anko's the Elegant End. Tsunade is The Slugger.

Kurenai's lack of nickname came from the idea that if a genjutsu user is _really_ doing their job right, you never know they've done it.

###  **The Kurama Clan**

Again, elements of the story should _not_ exist just to be fixed by the protagonists. This filler arc clan has the makings of an amazing bit of Konoha. Yakumo's _just fine_ , thank you.

###  **Jii-jii Wrote a Book**

_F_ _undamentals of Ninjutsu: A Guide to Mastery, Alteration, and Creation_ by S. Hiruzen is from Formulaic's wonderful (and sadly seemingly abandoned) [Konoha's Maelstrom](https://www.fanfiction.net/s/9495527/1/Konoha-s-Maelstrom). Any text from it is a combination of quotes from there and my own invention. It did provide the wonderful idea of expanded handseal sets.

Kaa, Anko's summon, was distantly inspired by the snake from the Jungle Book.

###  **Embarrassing the Academy Chuunin**

Others have observed that Naruto's actual skill-- even in canon-- is not that of a dead last. It's Naruto's situation and attitude that led him to being the dead last. As other details of this Naruto's upbringing come to pass, a sharper picture of certain deviations from canon will be revealed.

###    
  


Yes, Naruto has seen Kakashi without his "day wear" mask. All will be revealed.

Kage Bunshin splitting your chakra evenly felt off to me, so I offered up the explanation here. Chakra exhaustion as a canon term needed a bit of definition. Chakra stroke emerged as an idea when the chapter was in initial beta.

Naruto's pill regime will be explained soon-ish.

I'm not going to rag on Kishimoto for coming up with the Kage Bunshin Learning Trick later in the run. That's the pressures of regular manga production. As a fic writer, I can take advantage of the idea sooner.

I wrote the beach bunny henge bit while a news item on DOA: Extreme was being shared on [Loading Ready Run's](https://www.youtube.com/user/loadingreadyrun) Checkpoint.

I paired Ebisu and Suzume purely because I like their voice actors and would love to see them play off each other.

Partway through the scene, Kakashi switches out Icha Icha for Koinaka, named after an H-manga by the artist Lunch. I've heard conflicting info on Lunch-sensei, from 'him' retiring from eromanga after graduating university, to 'her' dying tragically. Such is the lot of North Americans trying to get details on mangaka who have no NA publisher. Also, eromanga artists and editors often value their privacy. I hope Lunch-sensei is alive and enjoying one of the happier rumours. The story Kakashi is referencing here is called Do Ping in most translations I've read.

Ebisu's nickname emerged from me considering how to make a specialist in basic training Bad Ass.

Unless otherwise noted, Kakashi's staff are either canon or OCs with names that don't reference anything.

Kageko... I forgot how I named this particular summons. That is gonna bug me all day. Here, Anko and the minions homage Team Rocket from the Pokemon anime. Heh. James and Naruto even share mad crossdressing skillz.

###  **Shipping**

Yes, Naruto's little dialogue on Hinata is meant to indicate I'm skipping some of canon's... dubious romances. I try not to make characters merely my mouth pieces, but here Naruto and I are in accord about _many_ stock 'romance' plots, and on how 'the rival' can be handled.

Yes, Anko and Gai are most youthfully homaging Gomez and Morticia Addams here.

###  **Taijutsu:**

The way the styles are classed here was discussed among me and the Beta Team. The founder of Gouken shares a family name with one of my favourite japanese television writers.

I noticed fic writers seemed fixated on naming their awesome taijutsu styles after animals, and so resolved not to do that here. Zoukyouken-- Reinforced Fist-- was named with an eye to Sakura and Tsunade still sharing a style, and in light of the fact they use chakra to enhance their strength.

Rasenken just made sense as the traditional dominant style of Uzushio. Most fics have Naruto learning his dad's super special style... so with my favourite do what others aren't tactic, I gave him the Spiral Fist his mother practiced.

###  **Yuugao**

Yuugao being Naruto's cousin was shamelessly stolen from [Uprooted](https://www.fanfiction.net/s/5288868/1/Uprooted) by Oorunan.

##  **5**

###  **Pine Lane East**

All street names in this Konoha are trees and other plants, you'll notice.

###  **On the Reactions of Konoha**

The whole town no more fawns over the Last Uchiha here than it hates the Demon Brat. Monolithic reactions like that bug the sweet fuck out of me, leaving me filled with hatefuckery.

I'm sorry, I'm a wee bit tired as I write this section.

In writing these tales, I take care to show that there is diversity in reaction. Here, with Sasuke, I wanted to show there are some that aren't looking at him as a political tool or the town's golden boy or part of the clan that engineered the Fourth’s deaths.

I realize I forgot to note the discussion on the Sharingan last chapter. It makes sense to me that the Uchiha, passing on their secrets via lore, have not embraced letting science look at their precious eyes. The idea that the Sharingan is actually rather poorly understood because of this shall be revisited.

This also gives you a window on Obito, and why much is admirable about him. An Uchiha. Willing to admit a weakness. In the eyes no less.

Rather admirable. Shame what canon did with him.

The dashi tomatoes described here are one of the simplest, most wonderful things in existence.

###  **  
****Meanwhile, in the Halls of Jus-- er, Hokage's office...**

My Beta sometimes liken Hiruzen to Superman and Danzou as Batman.

I'm sure Kal and Bruce are somewhere going, don't flatter us!

I love this scene between Kakashi and Hiruzen. The image of Hiruzen in grandfatherly tones instructing Kakashi to, "Suck it and grow up, bitch," is one of those I'm surprised I came up with.

  
Chakra zokusei, or chakra character, is a concept I introduced here that will be expounded on in future. If _affinity_ indicates what you can easily do with your chakra, _character_ covers how it flows. Kakashi's white chakra is a matter of its zokusei. Haki as seen in One Piece is linked to certain kinds of zokusei. And one other manifestation can be linked to zokusei. Semblance, as seen in RWBY.

Several readers asked me privately if I was serious, if Obito was a Haki user. Yes. Yes he was.

And the Uchiha didn't see it. Tells you where they were, at that point.

The Tony-sensei referenced here notices some of you are puzzled. [Suffice to say, it's a good thing he's a doctor](http://onepiece.wikia.com/wiki/Tony_Tony_Chopper).

Some of you missed it, but that's okay-- the other elders arrived because Danzou was listening via plant microphone and called them. Koharu remains standing because... you know what, you'll see eventually.

###  **Emiya Industrial Park**

We'll get there. But yes, he means enough to have places named after him.

###  **The Yamada**

Another borrow from Blot, this time from the [fic line that starts in Chapter 4 of his What If fragment fil](https://www.fanfiction.net/s/3488198/4/What-If)e. In another world, they'd be Naruto's sensei. Two of their students,  
Matsushika Keiko and Nakamura Harumi, are from there. The third, Goroudoko Ryoutaro, is an OC.

Making Keiko and Harumi friends who graduated before he could was my way to link them to Naruto, since I liked the idea. Having them thwart an assassination attempt on him was a way to show attempts have been made... without the overboard degree some fics go to. It is, as Harumi notes "[...] only the sixth attempt on Naruto's life and the second that got that close."  
  


The idea that Harumi's civilian parents told her Naruto had unknown burdens came to me as a simple way to make clear it's not a matter of nin vs civilian when it comes to Naruto's treatment.

  
One bit of fanon I hold here-- half of Naruto's problem was the repetition of his class time getting boring as fuck. We also give a good idea of where this version's love of history came from. His beloved Jii-jii lived some of it, after all.  
  


###  **The new Base of Operations and Anko's Family**

  
Okay. Fandom. We need to talk.

No, no, sit. John's made coffee, tea, hot cider. Pick what you want, but we have to talk. Just avoid the ones on the right, or glowing that odd blighted green, those are for others. Trippy as hell to sample though… In small doses.

Why you gotta go and take the fact a character has one admittedly major tragedy in his or her life and then jump to their life being total and utter shit?

And Ethan makes this observation: Possibly people taking Break The Cutie well past its logical conclusion, more likely people not understanding that tragedy is most effective as the deviation rather than the norm. It's a good point, contrast can be vital.

No, I'm serious here. Naruto got a few glares in the Manga, at worst, and definitely had reason to want to prove himself and be seen by his community... but how do we go from that to regular attempted lynchings and him suffering in ways that make me wonder why the fuck the Hokage is Jii-jii to him?

Same with Anko. I gave her a history with a clan home she can convert into her team’s new base, a landlord at her apartment that's a bit of a dick... and her grandma being a member of the Hokage's team and one of his advisors.

Doing this, I actually made Orochimaru _more_ of a bastard. He pulled his shit under Hiruzen's nose, and used Koharu's granddaughter as one of his test subjects. What's that, WWE Crowd? You'd like to chant Asshole? Go ahead.

If you make a character's life an utter shit pile, you're not setting me up for you making it all better unless you do the same thing you do to sell me on any concept. Write it well.

I'm rather glad to say, I've gotten no comments I can recall saying I haven't made some of the cast's lives shitty enough, or made them shitty enough people. I'm writing a story, like I said. If I want to critique Kishimoto's work, I'll write a work doing that or do so deconstruction, not another "I hate this character so this is canon" hate fic. John is telling me I like to deconstruct fandom in particular, and that's fair.

Now, I'll be honest here. John, Ethan, Joao, Veive, Bob, Laura, Chandra, and my other beta's have called me on slipping into cliche. Originally, I had Sakura react rather violently to correct Naruto's nicknames. Here, she's smarter and a bit bemused at what the Law, the ANBU head, her parent's boss, and the hokage let him get away with calling them. Because, y'know, she can see them amused or taking it in stride and doesn't exist solely to act against Naruto.

This scene also reveals that being close to them doesn't mean Naruto knows every detail of the lives of these folks. Hell, I've met relatives of my father I had no idea existed for decades.  
  


Townhouse, as a concept, was actually something I had to stop and think about to parse it in Sphere terms. What culture here can I justify it coming from? What about the _other_ ways it's used? What does Naruto get in the Mail? What's the best place to get a pretzel at two am in Konoha? This is what vexes me.

I've occasionally been told I need help.

I enjoy making Sakura's parents so stereotypically well-meaning and embarrassing.

###  **The Letter**

The bonus chapter I added to the prior story establishes who this is; here we get a few more hints about Rose Summer in this universe.

  
I think it's natural once Naruto has been advised to stop taking shit from her that he might be a bit hypersensitive to Sakura's actions.

This also brings up another fact: Some fics have Naruto just hanging in the Hokage's office a thing. In this case, I decided to figure out what that actually means.

It means Naruto has had a window into the workings of Konoha for a good long time, and he's met many interesting people. He's never left Konoha, but the Sphere has come to him as he says.

This scene also lets me bring up an important fact via Sakura-- Naruto not having left the village to this point _isn't_ that weird. Look at the infrastructure of Hi and its neighbors. The road network isn't exactly robust, and automobiles aren't a thing. Spending your childhood never leaving Konoha? Makes some sense.

You will meet Cake-boss when we get to Cake-boss. Suffice to say, of course Konoha has a local criminal element. "Kogami-sama" is just the one Hiruzen and the others can work with.

I fully endorse the fanon Naruto has traits you can coax into being good with traps.

Those of you going, OH NOES! KEEPS THE KABUTO AWAY FROM NARUTO! ... John is snickering for no reason at all.

Other Ed's smile should worry you though.

 _Other Ed_ should worry you. The things I've consulted with him on...

##  **6**

###  **The Door is Clear**

This is a sensible doctrine in an armed society. You can make your door hard as hell to breach in Konoha, but actually making it lethally respond to the attempted breach is a no go.

On the needle launcher: Some designs change only seldomly because they're what works.

Of course Anko's clan symbol is a drop of [Mitarashi Syrup](https://washoku.guide/recipe/1135558). Which, of course, you put on [dango](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dango).

###  **Masquerading is a perfectly cromulent word.**

The potassium cyanide and arsenic blend masqueraudering as an air freshener is lifted directly from the manga [Crying Freeman](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crying_Freeman), which is written by [Kazuo Koike](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kazuo_Koike) of [Lone Wolf and Cub](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lone_Wolf_and_Cub) fame.

Anko's disappointment in Naruto not knowing how to stick to surfaces, let alone wall walk, is set up for a later exploration on why that trick is taught when it is. It does seem rather a basic skill...

###  **Ichimaru**

Many of the fox summons you'll see here are borrowed from or inspired by the ones found in the rolicking [Naruto Fanfic Vulpine](https://www.fanfiction.net/s/7183151/1/Vulpine) by Saphroneth. It's a damn fun read. Ichimaru is noted for his speed. He is in fact slower than a certain awesome winged mare, and faster that a blue streak that speeds by.

The idea in this verse that Kushina was a fox summoner was one of many ways I'm trying to make clear _both_ Naruto's parents were Bad Ass.

Can you tell my betas had fun helping me come up with traps? Every time one of them came up with something, someone else would add that touch more.

###  **The Recliner and Personal Traps**

I'm convinced my grandpa would have trapped his favourite chair this way were he able.

Ninjas trap their stuff. It just makes sense, even at home.

###  **"Nee-sensei... your parents..."**

Okay. So your character is an orphan. A lot of people default to this if we don't know who the character's parents are. It's not a bad choice.

But _orphan_ does not mean _no family history_. Naruto _has_ a family history: his parents made a grave sacrifice on the day he was born for the sake of Konoha-- and some would say, the Sphere. Did the character know their parents before they died? Naruto didn't. Haku _did_ , and in fact the totally natural (for this setting) expression of his bloodline led to that family destroying itself.

And so, yes. Anko is an orphan. Anko saw Orochimaru as a father figure. But she _has_ living family, and she knew her parents. I tried to make them not excessively heroic, but good people; her father died in defense of a town Kumo was blockading. Her mom had cancer. And Anko wanted to be an inin like her... but her sensei's seal prevented that.

Now, given this background... we can take the idea (from Kishimoto) that Anko and Naruto are alike and see some reasons why. We can also see how they are different. There is a richness, a well to tap we don't have when we leave a character's background at "an orphan".

###  **Konoha and Ame are** ** _allies_** **?**

My betas can attest that they too have heart attacks when I casually contradict canon. But come down the rabbit hole with me. A saner Danzou would not have pulled that shit in Ame. That's Hiruzen's student's student. Konoha has an in there, another ally, an extension of influence.

But that doesn't mean Hanzou wasn't open to a deal from someone, and the Salamander may well have had a snake whisper sibilant promises in his ear.

The idea the Curse seal was a means to create Sage Mode using warriors under Orochimaru's control came from my friend and occasional beta Veive's [Naruto: Way of the Shining Hand](https://www.fanfiction.net/s/8405394/1/Naruto-Way-of-the-Shining-Hand). Which may not have been updated in a while but is still Awesomeballs and you should go read it. If only to see how he handles Neji-- and more importantly, how he handles the _Hyuuga_ handling Neji.

Also vital here is the idea it wasn't obvious in retrospect Orochimaru was a monster from the start. Knowing how a character got to where they are make them all the more compelling. So yes, we'll be diving into Orochimaru's evolution into a monster at some point

##

###  **No Hard Curfew, the Pills**

The main way basic training gets you to sleep at a certain time isn't, I'm told, by an enforced curfew. The real trick is the Wake Up Call. Persistent. Insistent. That's how you adjust sleep schedules.

Also, Naruto's pills get a bit more build up, and play a bigger role over the next two days.

###  **Kakashi's MARRIED?**

Yes. He is.

[Rindou](http://onepiece.wikia.com/wiki/Rindo) is one of the Kuja ruled by the Boa sisters in the kingdom of [Amazon Lily](http://onepiece.wikia.com/wiki/Amazon_Lily) in the North Calm Belt out on the Blue. She is one of their elite warriors, serving as a Kuja Pirate to shore up Boa Hancock's role as one of the Rulers of the Sea... in the One Piece Setting, anyway.

Here, she and Kakashi... well, maybe I'll tell you that story someday.


End file.
